choose wisely

I’m a big fan of using Paper-Rock-Scissors to solve any Difficult Decisions in my life.

If Ari and I are trying to figure out who has to take Jack out in the rain – we’re throwing down.  If a friend and I are choosing which bar to go to – better get ready to rumble.

One, two, three  – shoot!  And just like that, all decisions are made for you.  Of course, it’s best to do two out of three.  I’m not some idiot who lives life on the edge by just throwing once.

I really think that if Paper-Rock-Scissors was more prominent in our society, it would lead to nothing but positives.

Important Political Dude: “So, this is it, I win this last one and we don’t invade Iraq.”

Bush: “Yeah, yeah I got it. Quit yer stalling, city boy – you’re going down!”

[Important Political Dude throws rock, effectively crushing Bush’s scissors play]

Important Political Dude: “Yes!  Okay, you lose, no invading Iraq.”

Bush: [Face red with anger] “Dangnabbit!  Fine.  What other countries have lots of brown people?”

And not only on this scale – imagine how much better your life would be if Paper-Rock-Scissors was used in everyday situations.

Like when you and your Special Someone are deciding whether to have kids.

Your Other wants to have kids, you don’t.  Obviously the best way to determine this decision is to play the game.  And don’t you dare go with some rookie move of playing scissors first – if you do, diarrhea diapers here you come buddy.

I am asking you, what better way is there to make Difficult Decisons?  And no, don’t even try and tell me about Drawing Straws, I’m not a little boy.

I’m a man and I need Man Things like Paper-Rock-Scissors to determine my path in life.

That’s how I roll, and I suggest you do the same.


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59 responses to “choose wisely

  1. Ben


    Who started this Paper-rock-scissors phenomenon? It needs to stop!

    I’m about to tear this shit up and not even in a dance-off sort of way!

    Seriously…let’s ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS is FTW.

  2. I always win R-P-S with my husband because I always choose paper and he hasn’t caught on yet.

    Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!


  3. Marcos

    For some reason this reminds me of No Country for Old Men. Anton Chigurh uses the flip of a coin to decide the fate of his victims.

    Carla Jean Moss: You don’t have to do this.
    Anton Chigurh: [smiles] People always say the same thing.
    Carla Jean Moss: What do they say?
    Anton Chigurh: They say, “You don’t have to do this.”
    Carla Jean Moss: You don’t.
    Anton Chigurh: Okay.
    [Chigurh flips a coin and covers it with his hand]
    Anton Chigurh: This is the best I can do. Call it.
    Carla Jean Moss: I knowed you was crazy when I saw you sitting there. I knowed exactly what was in store for me.
    Anton Chigurh: Call it.
    Carla Jean Moss: No. I ain’t gonna call it.
    Anton Chigurh: Call it.
    Carla Jean Moss: The coin don’t have no say. It’s just you.

  4. Wait.


    Sometimes he reads this blog.

    I’m screwed aren’t I?

  5. ahhh! damn straight! i could NOT agree more.

    i own this shirt– (holy hell, im sorry, im not tech-savvy enough to know how to insert some link in a comment?)..

    and you could own it too! for only $16.95 + shipping!

  6. Just found you, and I’m glad I did, just in time for this post which is v funny, congrats. Also, in England we call it Paper, Scissors, Stone. We’re weird like that.

  7. I agree with Ben, it’s totally Rock Paper Scissors. You weirdo. Only moderately related – when I was studying abroad in Australia there was a bar that had RPS night once a week. Every time you ordered a drink, you Rock Paper Scissorsed with the bartender (only once, not best 2 out of 3). If you win, your drink is free. If they win, you pay what you would normally pay. It was the greatest thing I ever experienced.

  8. I’m all about RPS, but I prefer to call it rochambeau. It’s way cooler that way.

  9. I agree. R-P-S should totally be used to make a variety of decisions ESPECIALLY the political ones. Wouldn’t it be awesome if they began doing that at the UN?

  10. Does no one call it Roshambo anymore?

    What kind of fucked up society have we become?

  11. I did R-P-S against myself to decide if I would comment or not on this post…..I lost

  12. what is this roshambo that everyone is speaking of. i have never heard RPS be called that!

    to google i go…..

  13. What if your Difficult Decision is whether to throw down Rock, Paper, or Scissors? Do you RPS yourself before you throw it at the other guy? Can’t that lead to some horrible RPS-meets-MC Eshery downward spiral?

  14. Dude – what the hell? It is ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS! Ben is so right.
    I dunno about the “rochambeau” thing. Sounds a bit bougie… 😉

  15. What’s your strategy? Why don’t you play Scissors first? Help!

  16. It’s funny that you bring up using Rock Paper Scissors to decide about having kids. I actually used it for birth control. C’mon ovaries, bring it!

  17. I say rochambeau. I don’t know why.

    I also like to wait to make decisions until I’m drunk.

    I’m always like, “let’s wait and see how we feel about that after this drink”.

    God, I hope no one important does that too.

  18. I’m all about rock, paper, scissors. I think it’s the best way to make decisions.

    Do you remember in elementary school when kids tried making things up? I remember we had water, which beat rock and scissors, but paper beat it. We also had crayon which beat rock and paper, but scissors beat it. And water. I used to get irritated because, really, I preferred the three simple options.

  19. No joke, I JUST played RPS w/Boo last weekend. I won. It was strangely fulfilling.

  20. girlinterrupted1218

    This is brilliant! I wonder if my guy would appreciate this game of wits when it came to deciding on sex or not. Hmmm… probably not.

  21. First off – it is totally Paper Scissor Rock

    Second – have you ever played with someone that shoots on the third count and not the fourth? Are they not teaching proper Paper Scissor Rock rules in the school these days? No child left behind my ass…

  22. Paper is the most inferior object in that game, how the hell can it get top billing?

    Ooh, I got a paper cut or let me bash you in this head with a rock or cut your fingers off with a scissor?

    Man, paper sucks.

  23. Matt

    I thought roshambo was when you kick each other in the nuts?

    Am I wrong?

    Anyway, I agree whole-heartedly about RPS.

    fair is fair.

  24. Couldn’t we just get Obama and McCain to Rochambeau for the Presidency. I would really like all this crap to stop and I don’t want to wait until November. Besides, Rochambeau is way cooler than voting.

  25. the main reason we like to use RPS is for the simplicity of it. see how people try to complicate such simple things here….,_Paper,_Scissors

  26. I allllllllllllways win at Rock Paper Scissors (aka rochambeau; I’ve called it both)… always.

    Wanna play me? 😉

  27. One of my favorite sites depicts a rousing game of rock-paper-scissors:

  28. I make bets with myself. Like if that jerk cuts me off, then I get to have an ice cream cone.

  29. Don’t some people call it “Ro Sham Bo”?

    What’s wrong with those people?

  30. ben – It’s so new wave dude, your just living in the past.

    kristen – I was thinking the same thing, you just lost all your hand!

    marcos – I loved that movie.

    brookem – I can’t believe I named my post the same as that shirt. I think they owe me money. Or something like that.

    marianne – Stone? Yes, that is weird, and thanks for reading!

    arielle – Man! How fucking cool is Australia? I mean, they give us Crocidile Dundee and now this?

    maxie – That’s the weird way.

    marie – Maybe I’d start paying attention more.

    arjewtino – I think that’s just for old timers now. We are the revolution!

    rachel – Well that’s just sad.

    alexa – I know you’re really looking up porn. Don’t lie.

    justin – Oh jesus I hope not – that dude’s drawings are so weird.

    sassy – Nope! I make the rules! Or something like that.

    mindy – If I told you I’d have to kill you.

    melissa – Hahaha – I could so see you doing that.

    kiala – I like that strategy a lot. Please tell me more. But first, we drink.

    lauren – How does crayon beat anything? I would have punched my friends if they tried to do that to me.

    stealth – It feels so good doesn’t it?

    1218 – No, probably not.

    narm – Our children have no hope.

    rs – That’s a good point.

    matt – Yeah, where the hell did we hear that from? I thought so too.

    harry – Good idea!

    gladys – I agree. People always mess things up by thinking too much.

    jen – Sure! If you like losing that is.

    twink – Hahaha – that site is awesome! Thanks!

    noelle – Seems like a good idea to me.

    hollywood – Lots of things. Lots and lots of things.

  31. You should be a politician!!! (Probably better than the existing ones . . .)

  32. Guy: “Honey, I soooo wanna pile drive you tonight!”

    Girl: “Oh, no… not that again! My neck still hurts from the last time. Can we just reverse cowgirl instead?!”

    Guy: “Reverse cowgirl?! We did that yesterday! Let’s Rock-Paper-Scissors for it!”

    [1 – 2 – 3 – shoot!]

    Guy: “YESSS! Paper covers Rock… Score! Now assume the position!”

    Girl: “Uugh! FINE!”

  33. Matt

    I think I learned that from an episode of south park.

    Urban Dictionary says nut kicking contest.

  34. RPS gives me anxiety attacks.

  35. JK

    You forgot to add dynamite. That beats everything. If both players throw it, then it’s just total annihilation.

    O and I also agree that it’s called rock-paper-scissors.

  36. Why would anyone call it “Ro Sham Bo”? Does that mean Rock-Paper-Scissors in another language or something, or are people just being weird?

  37. Yep, this is the strategy I employ every day in deciding if I should bother gettting out of bed.

  38. Ultima Dea

    To quote one of my friends: “I have decided the last 3 years of my life based on rock-paper-scissors. What can I say? I kick ass.”

  39. megkathleen

    I’m now afraid that the fact that I haven’t been using RPS could very well mean my life is heading in the wrong direction. I just hope I can start doing it enough to get it back on track…

  40. imagine how many wars could have been avoided if everyone just used rock, paper, scissors to solve world problems.

  41. I’m a student of the school of RPS for important decisions. For less important decisions, I go with Bear Ninja Cowboy. It’s more fun, and therefore not to be taken as seriously as RPS. I couldn’t live with myself if I lost my reproductive rights because my Cowboy was beaten by Husband’s Bear (but not in a dirty way).

  42. My friends and I are so used to having Rock-Paper-Scissors solve our problems, that if there is even a slight disagreement, fists are immediately thrown all over the place without warning.

  43. paula – Without a doubt!

    mental – Sweet justice.

    matt – That’s what it was! South Park. And I don’t even really watch it, just stuck with me.

    freeandflawed – Hahaha – you are ridiculous.

    jk – You play a dirty version!

    mindy – People are just being weird Mindy. Kind of like going to visit a goat…

    ride – I hope it’s worth it man, it rarely is.

    dea – That is great! Tell your friend he’s awesome.

    megkathleen – You better start practicing!

    katelin – Exactly!

    sarah – Hahhaa – I am interested in Bear, Ninja, Cowboy – please elaborate!

    rachel – Hahaha – Um… Can I hang out with you guys some time?

  44. deutlich

    Bush: [Face red with anger] “Dangnabbit! Fine. What other countries have lots of brown people?”

    Fucking classic

  45. Best rant ever:

    I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there’s no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically “wrap around” Rock, leaving it immobile? Why can’t paper do this to scissors? Fuck scissors, why can’t paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I’ll tell you why, because paper can’t beat anybody! A rock would tear that shit up in about 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors I always choose rock.Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, “I’m sorry I thought paper would protect you, asshole.”

  46. I’m not scared of you. Plus, I told you– I NEVER lose.

    Bring it!

  47. You’re seriously hilarious

  48. Only if it’s shirts v. skins and women are always skins.

  49. Goose (Commenter formerly known as Boo on another blog)

    How the eff does water NOT beat paper!?!? Try this experiment, put paper into water. What happens? GOO. That’s what happens… And yeah, crayons are worthless in this game. EVEN IF THEY ARE OUTER SPACE BLUE!

  50. Lol, that is the way I roll too. In my house fights are solved with (best 2 of 3) Paper Rock Scizzors. I think wars should be solved this way. It would be so much better. Also it could be an olympic sport, and please people, don’t tell me Paper Rock Scizzors isn’t a “sport” – don’t get all technical like that.

  51. ken

    “I’m sorry I thought paper would protect you, asshole.”

    quote of the year.

    and YES crissy, i read it. muhahahhahahha!

  52. I’m all for using R-P-S as a serious decision making tool.

  53. I’m personally a fan of shot-gunning a beer. Who ever finishes first with a healthy belch is the clear winner.

  54. We did that in class to decide who was reading the poem (Prize Giving, Gwen Harwood), except we say “Scissors paper rock” instead.

  55. Never thought of RPS before (I tend to just tantrum until I get my own way) but I’m now going to use this at every opportunity. Boss won’t give me a payrise? I’ll RPS him until I win!


    (hello by the way – found you through 20sb)

  56. Mal

    I’ve tagged you to do the Meme thing thats going around our fellow 20sb. Check my blog to copy and paste it into your own blog plz thanks..

  57. deutlich – Thanks!

    fortknocks – Hahaha – thanks so much for that man – awesome.

    jen – I ain’t scared!

    ashley – Thanks!

    pistols – Sounds good to me.

    goose – Is the name a tribute to Top Gun? Because if it is, you are fucking awesome.

    girl – Hahaha – I hate when people get technical.

    ken – Yeah, that wasn’t too smart of her, was it?

    ringleader – Yes!

    your girlfriend – I think we should hang out.

    luthy – Either way.

    nuttycow – Yes, that’s exactly what we should all be doing. And hello!

    mal – Eh, sorry, but I don’t really do meme things. But thanks anyway!

  58. Goose

    its really a last name coincidence that friends picked up on. But Top Gun is fucking awesome and I can let it be a tribute. So..yes?

  59. I want to use this strategy for whether or not I have to pay tuition for school, or if I can instead get my education for free. Teach me the ways, o wise one, of the strategy needed to win for Rock-Paper-Scissors.

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