Last night Ari and I were arguing about who had nicer feet when she threatened me with violence.
She waved her fist in my face and said, “You better watch it buddy.” Needless to say, I was very intimidated. When people call you “buddy,” you know you are in for Trouble.
As she shook her fist at me, I noticed something odd about it, so I asked her, “Uh, what are you doing with your fist?”
She had no idea what I was talking about.
So I said, “Why is your one finger poking out? You don’t have to do that, you know.”
This is when she said, “Oh that? That’s my Dagger Fist.”
Behold, my friends, The Dagger Fist.
I hope that didn’t scare you too much. Please, it’s okay. Come back to the computer. I promise you – you are in no danger of getting hit with The Dagger Fist.
Ari’s attempt at a fist just reminded me of how terribly incompetent women are at physical violence. Of course there are exceptions – like when Britney Spears attacked that car with an umbrella.
But more often than not, when women try and Bring The Ruckus, they fail.
That’s because physical violence is not a woman’s best weapon. Mental violence like nagging is.
A woman’s ability to nag is uncanny. It is something they are born with and then cultivate into a full-blown Weapon Of Destruction as they age.
If a woman wants something out of a man, she will get it. And if she doesn’t, she will attack until she does.
She will bring up the same subject until it has beaten a man’s will to live into the ground, and then, even after the man gives up and does what she wants, the woman will deal one more Mental Blow by stating, “Well, you should have just done it the first time I said something.”
Like telling a man fourteen times in two days to call the cable company wasn’t torture enough for him.
Men are made for Physical Violence, women are made for Mental Violence.
This has been evident ever since the Stone Age (sorry for the technical term) when Man made fire by thrashing sticks and stones together.
He went and grabbed his Woman to tell her about his Accomplishment, and all she could say was, “That’s very nice Steve, but you still haven’t swept the cave like I asked you to.”