the thought is mightier than the punch

Last night Ari and I were arguing about who had nicer feet when she threatened me with violence.

She waved her fist in my face and said, “You better watch it buddy.”  Needless to say, I was very intimidated. When people call you “buddy,” you know you are in for Trouble.

As she shook her fist at me, I noticed something odd about it, so I asked her, “Uh, what are you doing with your fist?”

She had no idea what I was talking about.

So I said, “Why is your one finger poking out?  You don’t have to do that, you know.”

This is when she said, “Oh that?  That’s my Dagger Fist.”

Behold, my friends, The Dagger Fist.

I hope that didn’t scare you too much.  Please, it’s okay.  Come back to the computer.  I promise you – you are in no danger of getting hit with The Dagger Fist.

Ari’s attempt at a fist just reminded me of how terribly incompetent women are at physical violence.  Of course there are exceptions – like when Britney Spears attacked that car with an umbrella.

But more often than not, when women try and Bring The Ruckus, they fail.

That’s because physical violence is not a woman’s best weapon.  Mental violence like nagging is.

A woman’s ability to nag is uncanny.  It is something they are born with and then cultivate into a full-blown Weapon Of Destruction as they age.

If a woman wants something out of a man, she will get it.  And if she doesn’t, she will attack until she does.

She will bring up the same subject until it has beaten a man’s will to live into the ground, and then, even after the man gives up and does what she wants, the woman will deal one more Mental Blow by stating, “Well, you should have just done it the first time I said something.”

Like telling a man fourteen times in two days to call the cable company wasn’t torture enough for him.

Men are made for Physical Violence, women are made for Mental Violence.

This has been evident ever since the Stone Age (sorry for the technical term) when Man made fire by thrashing sticks and stones together.

He went and grabbed his Woman to tell her about his Accomplishment, and all she could say was, “That’s very nice Steve, but you still haven’t swept the cave like I asked you to.”

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50 Comments

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50 responses to “the thought is mightier than the punch

  1. I have never literally laughed so hard or so out loud in the middle of my office. That is amazing. Good for Ari and her totally awesome Dagger Fist too…I’m scrappy myself, but that’s just impressive.

  2. Yes. Finally. You have discovered the secret. Ari can kick your ass because women are mind ninjas. Watch Dane Cook — he’ll explain it.

  3. deutlich

    I often wonder what Ari has to say about things like this.

    I think you should have her guest post some responses one day – cuz that? Would be hi-larious.

    Oh, and check it out

    (in case that didn’t work the link is http://20somethings.ning.com/forum/topic/show?id=826191%3ATopic%3A12141&page=5)

  4. Dagger Fist. That’s awesome. I use a similar weapon to deliver Monkey Bumps to my stepson when he gets uppity, ‘cept with the middle finger knuckle so its friends on either side can support it.

    And the other thing in their mental arsenal? The uncanny ability to ignore absolutely everything we say except for that one tiny, insignificant phrase that they can latch onto and turn into the ammo for their nagging.

  5. I’m sorry, I can’t really comment. Too traumatised….

  6. I love casual sexism. Are you a homo too?

  7. Hilarious. Although I must argue that a woman with Mental Violence who is also capable of Physical Violence (like me, now that I’ve practiced with Wii Boxing) has limitless potential to take over the world.

  8. Wow, daggerfist. Quite impressive. I wonder why I was never taught this form of self defense? 🙂

  9. Firstly, put up some kinda warning if you’re gonna scare the crap out of people like that. Seriously. You’re gonna get yourself sued, and then where we will be? We’ll be stranded in hell, with no more you to read, because you lost your computer, and the clothes off your back when you got sued. In the meantime, you’ll be living in a cardboard box, mumbling to yourself, trying to get your toes to laugh at your jokes.

    It will not end well for anyone.

    Dude. Think of us, k? That’s all I’m saying.

    Oh. Anyway … The whole point of me clicking on the comment button – dude, did I get sidetracked or what – was to say that I don’t think that cavemen had names like Steve. Seriously, that made me snort with laughter. (Oh yeah, I’m attractive. Um … Yeah … I’m also single. How’d ya guess?) I think they were called Oog and Goof and Bang and Ugg (last name, Boot … Hahahaha)

  10. So I’m not the only one who makes a fist (not as awesome as the dagger fist) at my boyfriend? Good to know. Go Ari! (Sorry “buddy”.)

  11. I think the dagger fist is an awesome weapon! Props to Ari for creativity! Actually my dad is a black belt in karate and he taught me when I was really young how to make a proper fist. Though I’ve never punched anyone to verify. My nagging skills are A+, though.

  12. That dagger fist probably hurts very much…

    Also, I bruise both the egos and flesh of men.

  13. when I was high school I was big into working out and lifting weights (not in that scary I look like a man way) so the football guys all thought I was super tough. If a girl ever said “I want to kick Rachel’s ass” they would talk them out of it with tales of how I could bench over a 100 lbs. The thing was that I am pretty sure that if I ever got into a fight with a chick that I would be all girly, lots of squealing and hand flailing.

  14. But do you think we men are capable of Mental Violence? Just like there are many women exceptions to the rule, there must be some men.

    And if we are capable of it, how do we harness it so we don’t have to do the dishes 5 times a week?

  15. You should have included a picture of your feet. Now those are scary.

  16. Well, Jesus H Christ, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT THE FIRST TIME.

    For fuck’s sake.

  17. Ben

    Your tags are the hidden gems of the blogosphere.

  18. Rachel

    You are lucky you get the dagger fist–my bitch slap is fatal….sort of like Uma in the 3rd Kill Bill. You think you’re fine, take 3 steps and die.

    And unless Ari is missing toes I can GUARANTEE that hers are cuter than yours.

  19. Women’s secret weapon is not having to follow logic to be right. Facts are minor inconveniences in the battlefield of Nagging.

  20. JK

    When my grandmother was slipping into dementia, she would shake her fist at everyone and call them buddy…..It kind of took the fear out of it for me. It was much more scary when she’d put on her red lipstick and chase us around threatening to kiss us on the nose.

  21. So Ari is a double threat with the dagger fist and the mind thrashing. You’ve got yourself one hell of a woman!

  22. News: I know some guys that are pretty good at the Mental Violence too.

    But they’re pretty much gay.

  23. i throw a mean elbow.

    throw them bows…

  24. Matt

    This should have been tagged with- “My girlfriend puts up with alot,”

    In Denver, we call that the Phoenix Eye. It’s deadly, I seriously think you underestimate the power it holds…

    If done right.

  25. stealth – Thanks! I know, she is a scrapper too.

    allison – I wish I hadn’t figured it out.

    deutlich – She does comment! I reply to her as “Ari” since there is another Arielle who comments here. Also, thanks for the nomination! You are nice.

    justin – Yes, I had forgotten about that one.

    nuttycow – Stay alive! You will be okay!

    john – Only on Tuesdays between 2 and 7 PM.

    jenn – You’re an unstoppable force!

    sassy – They have failed you. You should get your money back.

    snappz – I’m sorry, I will consider others more from now on. Maybe.

    marie – I’m sure there are thousands of others.

    arielle – I would imagine they are.

    jessica – Hahaha – I bruise both the egos and flesh of men. That was awesome.

    rachel – Exactly. Girl on girl fights are hot though. What?

    arjewtino – Man, if I knew the answer to that I’d be a millionaire.

    ari – I knew you were gonna say something about my feet.

    melissa – I was watching the game dammit!

    ben – Thanks man!

    rachel – Yeah, they are much better than mine. I suppose.

    narm – Damn right.

    jk – Hahaha – that sounds about right.

    nancypearl – I know it.

    ride – Good luck with that!

    alexa – Gettin’ gully on me!

    matt – Damn, Denver rolls hard.

  26. YAY, Allison referenced Dane Cook!!!

    I had an entirely different comment thought out after reading, but now I’ve forgotten completely at the mere mention of Dane Cook’s name!

    He thinks I’m cute!!!

    Ummm… something about nagging. And violence. Aaaaaand we’re back to mind ninjas (with Dagger Fists)! 😀

  27. First of all, I think the Dagger Fist looks formidable. Secondly, don’t think of it as “nagging” – think of it as “persistence”. No need to be negative here, Chris. Come on.

  28. This makes me proud to be a woman.

  29. megkathleen

    Dagger Fist – that is amazing. I just know that that plus RPS will change my life.

  30. deutlich

    a) the comment about “you are nice” made me laugh. A lot. Why is that? I’m not sure. But thanks. I think.

    b) Ari’s comments in your comment section is totally not what I meant

    c) PLEASE DO NOT EVER POST A PICTURE OF YOUR FEET EVER.

    ::vom::

  31. I can;t believe Dane Cook is getting mentioned this much.

    Strike me down with lightning.

    If there was a woman superhero it would be Nags O Halloran. The power of complaining.

    Women, I love you!

  32. I’m using the dagger fist from now on!

  33. okay the dagger fist is awesome. go ari 🙂

  34. That is funny- that is so how it would have gone!

  35. i wanna hear more about this dagger fist.

  36. The day there’s a pic of you with a black eye we’ll know the dagger fist got to you. Or Sean Connery.

  37. jen – You know, I gotta tell ya, I think Cook is waaaaayyy overrated.

    mindy – But I like being negative!

    kristen – Well, I guess.

    megkathleen – Oh yes, it will.

    deutlich – Are you sure you don’t want a picture of my feet???

    rs – I know, I really don’t like him that much either. We’re way funnier than that do.

    lauren – Don’t hurt anybody!

    katelin – I know, she’s crazy funny, which is why I love her. Awwww….!

    girlwiththemask – I know things.

    julie – I’ll tell her to email you.

    meghan – Connery will never take me down! Connery!!!!!!!

  38. I was told that when I was a kid that I used to always call people “bucko”.

    My mom didn’t think it was very nice, so I was forced to call people “buddy”.

    I guess that’s why I’m a badass now.

  39. Buddy! I am gonna shoot you in the face!

    That’s from Reservoir Dogs.

    So yes, you are right.

  40. Oh whatever, man! I’m an expert at both! I’ll beat you up, mister…with my eyes closed! Mwah ha ha ha!

  41. women fighting for equality is ridiculous because we kick your asses. right where it hurts. we do it because we can and we’re pretty and boys have cooties.

    so, boys should steer clear of women who can mentally AND physically torture you.

    then again, i’ll bet you like that.

  42. I don’t know why deutlich is bitching about keeping foot pictures off of here. I think you should put up a pick of yours and ari’s and we’ll vote. Definitely.

    and i think the dagger fist is pretty good! she may break her finger hitting you that way, but i bet it would hurt you too!

  43. tiedtogetherwithasmile

    I wasn’t expecting Brittney to be bald in that picture, it almost scared me more than the dagger fist!

  44. AHAHAHAHAHA

    Intimidated by a girl, wah wah!

  45. I can’t fight for shit. It upsets me. Inside my head I’m a lean mean fighting machine. That being said, I’m only used to punching thin air (thanks Tae Bo!)

  46. truer words were never spoken. for the longest time iwould make a fist with my thumb tucked inside until someone told me it was a sure fire way to break it right off. but yet, somehow, in the midst of an arguement with my boyfriend over wether a gondola was a boat that floated the streets of italy, or a ski lift type contraption ( i voted for the boat) i still won even and got an apology after a google search proved we were both right. i always win.

  47. it’s not nagging. it’s just pointing out the facts. it’s not our fault that you guys can’t follow instructions.

  48. I too have a dagger fist.

    It’s nice to see i’m not alone.

  49. Mental violence indeed! At times I teasingly wonder what the world would be like if women could be arrested for domestic violence due to emotional assault and battery. :-p I certainly don’t condone physical violence against women, but it seems a tad unfair that women still get to use their best violence skill on men.

  50. myr

    Ha, let her spend a week with me and I’ll coach her into a WMD 😉

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