I had a really weird dream last night.
But you don’t want to hear about it, do you?
Of course you don’t.
Because hearing or reading about someone else’s dreams is absolute torture.
When people begin their sentences with “I had this crazy dream last night…” I immediately check out of the conversation. I don’t fucking care that you “dreamed that my friend was a lizard and he couldn’t recognize me, which is weird because we’re so close.”
And no, I don’t have a clue what it means. Maybe it just meant that you were going to annoy the fuck out of some unlucky soul the next day by telling them about it.
Dreams are personal things.
No one can quite grasp how odd it is to dream about your Uncle Jeff weaving a blanket while watching Mama’s Family other than you.
For all I know Jeff might be quite the fucking blanket maker. If he is, tell him to mail me one. But it better not be all scratchy. Blankets are supposed to be soft, goddammit.
The worst part about having someone tell you about their dream is when they forget some parts of it, and try and remember them because it is just so imperative to the dream.
When you hear someone stall about the dream, you immediately think you’re in the clear. You try and start a new conversation: “Okay, now we can start talking about interesting stuff. I feel uncomfortable saying it, but sometimes I tear up when I listen to ‘Not Ready To Make Nice‘ by the Dixie Chicks.”
But just when you get this new conversation starter out of your mouth, the person resumes the dream, because they somehow think that you can’t possibly go on with your day without knowing what happens at the end.
I just don’t understand why people think it’s okay to tell others about their dreams.
Then please, I’m all ears.