I was reading The Times just now, when I stumbled across an article about how a bunch of doctors have decided that kids should be put on cholesterol-lowering drugs to decrease their chances of having heart problems when they become adults.
Obviously I am in Full Support of this idea.
Kids are A Pain aren’t they?
Well, just drug those little fuckers up!
When little Johnny just can’t seem to sit still, pop an Adderall in his bowl of Kix and you can sit back, relax and not be bothered when The Bold & The Beautiful comes on. Oh, and just to save you the trouble, there is no way Katie will be able to hold her feelings back, now that Bridget has accepted Nick’s proposal. No way!
Is cute Sally putting on one too many pounds and suddenly Not So Cute?
Don’t bother getting her involved in physical activities like sports where she could not only form friendships with other kids but foster healthy exercising behaviors, get that bitch some drugs!
With a pill there’d be no having to drive Sally to practices, no having to Support Her in a new endeavor, nothing!
Simply tell your caring pediatrician – who is not controlled by bonuses given to him by pharmaceutical companies – about Sally’s Problem, and you’ll be annoyance free by the end of that day.
This is why I can’t wait to have a little tyke of my own.
With all the pills that can be given to kids to drown out any issues they may have, just the thought of watching the little zombies wander aimlessly around my house brings a big smile to my face.
But if I start to smile too much, I’ll be sure to see my doctor about it.
I hear there’s a pill for that.
(Everyone: I am having my first ever contest – so please go check out the Win Something! page for all the details)