get ready to rumble

Everyone seems to be pretty pleased with this new movie, Wall-E.

I’m not.

I’m furious.

Here’s why: Those fuckers at Disney ripped off the second best robot movie (behind Robocop of course) of all time, Short Circuit.

Wall-E is an exact copy of Short Circuit’s star, Johnny 5.

Of course I have compiled Scientific Evidence to prove my point.

Here is Wall-E.

Awww, he’s so cute.

Look at him playing with that Rubik’s Cube, it only makes me want to vomit in my mouth once.

Now here’s Johnny “Motherfucking” 5.  I added the motherfucking for effect.  It’s my Artistic License.

Uh, notice any similarities?

Wall-E has the exact same head, the exact same wheels, and almost identical hands.

You’re pissed off right now, aren’t you?  I know!

This is bullshit!

How can Disney so blatantly disrespect 1) A bad-ass robot and 2) Steve Guttenberg???

Steve was in Three Men and a Baby (with Tom Selleck!!!) and Police Academy – two additional classic movies! Has the world gone mad???

Are pigs flying?

Did McDonald’s stop making commercials that are just fucking terrible and finally realize that the best ones they ever had starred the Hamburgerlar?

It’s times like these when I really, really start to question if The End Of Days is upon us.

When I can’t live my life in peace, knowing that gems from my childhood will remain intact and Unfuckedwith, I just don’t feel safe anymore.

I’ll tell you what, this Injustice, this Abomination, WILL NOT STAND.  I’m calling Johhny 5 and I’m calling Steve and we’re going on a roadtrip to kick Wall-E’s ass.

You think I get worked up over Things That Don’t Matter?

Just wait until you see Steve Guttenberg get gully – it’s not for the faint of heart.


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58 responses to “get ready to rumble

  1. Does Wall-E have an ass? This may put a damper on your plans.

  2. Rachel

    I’ve seen the abomination of which you rant and Wall-E is truly a combo of #5 & E.T.

    We said it as soon as we saw the previews.

    I’m glad that someone is keeping #5 alive!

  3. Short Circuit is HOT! I miss that movie. I saw Wall-E. Eh.

  4. Ben

    This is probably happening because Disney owns everything and everyone. Just be glad they didn’t make a Chris-E. You would’ve looked awful silly trying to use your abs to crush garbage into cubes.

  5. ashley

    Okay so they might have copied a little. 🙂 But I still can’t deny how much I enjoyed it. 🙂

  6. Have you SEEN this movie? Wall E is frickin adorable. Frankly, that other robot looks mean. GO WALL E!!!

  7. I’m sorry, but if you even try to kick Wall-e’s ass, you’ll have to go through me first.

  8. even though i used to love climbing inside the giant fiberglass Hamburglar at my childhood McD’s playland (which has since been replaced with a FAR inferior ballpit and playscape) i have always been partial to Grimace. wtf was he anyway? i have no clue except he was AWESOME! Mayor McCheese should have knighted him for being so cool.

  9. I loved short circuit! Reassemble! Let me know how the ass kicking goes. I know several people who saw Wall-e and said it wasn’t good.

  10. HAHAHA Steve Guttenberg. Don’t forget he was in that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie– It Takes Two! How dare they disrespect him, indeed!

  11. Dude…I TOLD you that he looks more like E.T. You and Steve just need to sit back, have a drink, and think about what you’re about to do….

  12. Yup, I definitely picked up on the similarity when I first saw the preview to Wall-E. Actually, I thought they were making another Short Circuit movie. Then I thought they were making Johnny 5 into an animated character. Yes, yes, I finally realized this had nothing to do with Short Circuit or Johnny 5. What the hell?!

  13. They are making a remake of Johnny 5. That kind of breaks my heart a little bit. You can’t beat the original.

  14. you are so right. damn.

    my favorite robots though are in batteries not included. love them and that movie.

  15. How have I never even heard of Wall-E? Or Short Circuit? Or Johnny 5? I don’t understand how I miss these things. I’m out in the world like everyone else.

  16. This is all so upsetting. You just can’t replace Johnny 5! (or the hamburglar) WTF? Who’s next?

  17. Without having even seen Wall.E I am putting down my name as one of his defenders.

    Ready for an oil wrestling match, are ya? Are ya? ARE YA??

  18. Short Circuit! Fantastic movie! Short Circuit 2…even better! And who can honestly say that they didn’t shed a tear when Johnny 5 got beaten up but then cheered uproariously when he came raging back all blinged out in his gold armor…

  19. matt

    Need more input…


    Johnny 5 forever.

  20. I miss the Hamburgerlar 😦

  21. deutlich

    Dude – I LOVED Johnny 5. That damn movie was the shit.

  22. wall-e is WAy cuter.

    I want to see the movie because everyone says that all the people are morbidly obese,stuck in wheelchairs and spend the whole movie stuffing their faces with fast food.

    good ol’ Disney.

  23. Johnny 5! How could I forget him! I’m going to have to add him to my list of celebrity freebies. Sorry, Johnny Depp, you’ve been replaced by Johnny 5!

  24. max

    I am in total agreement, I thought the same thing from the first preview. Ripoff.

  25. I’m down for that roadtrip! I’ll bring along a baseball bat to beat the shit outta Wall-E like a rented mule!!!

    PS. Share you snacks if we do make this roadtrip!

  26. Do people still say that?

  27. I don’t understand adults watching children’s movies. I write “I don’t understand” because today is pretty non-threatening day on Melissa Lion’s internet. Any other day would be “Adults watching children’s movies makes me want to stick a stiletto into my eye socket.” BUT NOT TODAY!

  28. Oh, I’m under Crissy. Naughty.

  29. ohhh! i had no idea what wall-e was about, but now that i’ve read this…i realize how ridiculous the whole thing is.

    i’m a die hard “short circuit” fan. end of story.

  30. I was upset about that when I first saw the poster for Wall-E and noticed the similarities. The thing is, after seeing the film, I didn’t care. It really was a great movie–regardless of the similarity.

  31. Goose

    I said he looked more like Johnny 5 than he should have. This does not discount the fact that Wall-E was a great movie. Plus let’s face it, Johnny 5 was not the most intelligent robot from the 80’s, he was kind of retarded…bad ass…but retarded.

  32. narm – He will after we’re done with him! That made no sense.

    rachel – You can count on me.

    arielle – Sing it sister!

    ben – I don’t know, I have pretty nice abs.

    ashley – Abomination!

    mindy – He is nice, even though he has a laser on his back.

    crystall – Ok – get ready!

    jenny – Hahaha – oh man, that was the comment of the day for sure.

    lissa – I will keep you updated.

    emma – Exactly!

    stealth – Hahaha – yeah, good idea.

    marie – The world is an ugly, ugly place.

    jamie – SHUT UP! They are???????

    alexa – That was a tearjerker!

    ari – I have no clue, it blows my mind.

    laurel – I bet this is because of the Republicans.

    kali – Oh hell yes.

    your girlfriend – +12,342 for recalling that scene.

    matt – Damn right.

    freeandflawed – Tell me about it!

    deutlich – Hell yes.

    every gym – Really? Man, Disney is a bitch!

    dingo – A very wise decision.

    max – Thanks for backing it up! You wanna roll with us?

    mental – Will be swinging through B-More at about 7:30 – look for the big robot and Guttenberg’s crazy ass hair. And no snacks for you!

    kristen – This post didn’t appeal to you, did it?

    melissa – Thank you for being so nice.

    almost – That’s what I like to hear!

    lauren – Hmmm… But what about Steve???

    goose – Yes, but he learned things! “Need More Input!”

  33. You have been talking to my hubby haven’t you. The second he saw a Wall-E preview during X-mas time he stood up in the theater and yelled “BULLSHIT!” and “Johnny 5 is ALIVE!”

  34. I almost boycotted the WALL-E for the same reason, being “Short Circuit” is part of many of my best childhood memories. However, I disavowed all loyalty to Johnny 5 in the first 2 minutes of WALL-E. I didn’t realize until just now that I was probably brainwashed by Disney. Now I don’t even know what to think.

  35. I agree..but the point is, HE’S IN SPACE.

    So I don’t care.

  36. The first time I saw the preview for this movie I thought the exact same thing.. Hey look! It’s Johnny 5!! Uh wait that’s not Johnny 5 – who the hell is this imposter?!?

    I really don’t think I’ll see Wall E – it just can’t compete with or compare to Short Circuit.

  37. I almost cried when Johnny 5 was hurt in the movie. Definately makes the top 5 80’s movies.

  38. This is unconscionable!

  39. megkathleen

    Next thing you know Disney is going to make a movie about silly police officers and try to pass it off as their own when in reality it is just Police Academy all over again. They’ll probably set it in space to make it “original”.

  40. This is all part of a malicious trend. At first, the idea was to replace people with robots. Now there is a conspiracy underway to replace robots with cuter, less threatening robots. You can watch the whole evolution in the Terminator movies.

    Mark my words: when they remake Robocop — and they will — Officer Murphy will be a motorized sock puppet.

  41. This put the dampers on the new movie I created called, “Alfina”

    She eats cats.

  42. i definitely thought the exact same thing when i first saw previews for wall-e. granted wall-e doesn’t speak nearly as well as johnny 5, so that’s one difference right?

  43. inreallife – Hahaha – I think your husband sounds like my kinda dude.

    noelle – Just wait for Disney to tell you.

    kiala – Damn you and your independent thinking!

    mollie – Completely agree.

    meghan – Hell yes it is.

    todd – Yes!

    megkathleen – That would make me so angry, I’d swear off beer for three hours. Three hours!!!

    stoogpie – If anyone touches Robocop I will fucking kill myself.

    rs – Ha! I kill me!

    katelin – I suppose so.

  44. Unfuckedwith is most definitely my new favorite word and its all because of you. Thank you my friend! Thank you!

  45. Everything gets recycled these days. Empty cans of Coke, wine bottles, movie ideas, robots used in movies . . . Guess we should get used to it.

  46. Maybe Wall-E is the young Johnny “motherfucking” 5??? Kind of like a prequel.

  47. I agree with you. When I first saw a poster for Wall-E, I thought it was for some new millennium remake of Short Circuit.

  48. Hey! Thanks for stopping by my blog! 🙂

    I thought the exact same thing. When I saw the upcoming ads for Wall-E, I also thought it was supposed to be Johnny 5 in some kind of continuation story. -But as we can all see, I was WRONG! 😛

  49. Hate to tell you man, but Pigs are Flying.

    Johnny 5 was ghetto. Wall-E got the suspiciously-disguised-as-a-suppository RoboBabe and solved tha mo fo Rubik’s cube, all while getting a few animated fatasses off their hoverchairs to do a chin-up. All while using some of Johnny’s leftover parts. Do the math.

    Three words: Short Circuit 2. Starring fisher Stevens as a South Asian. Enough said.

    Always up for a verbal smackaround,

  50. Holy shit – I had no idea! Here I was raving about how awesome Wall-E was and I was totally crapping all over my childhood.

    I’m so sorry Johnny 5 and Steve Guttenberg!

  51. Now I AM pissed off!!! Grrrrrrr… >:/

  52. Agreed. Number 5 is alive.

  53. This is a very good point, but Johnny 5’s kicking his own ass for appearing in Short Circuit 2 sans the Gutt.

  54. You know, you’re totally right. I thought Wall-E looked just like Short Circuit. Wow. Maybe I won’t rush out to see this. I do love Pixar though.

  55. Remember what Robocop did to that huge robot in part 2 of Robocop?

    We should get him to do that to Wall-E as well.

  56. DDG

    dude, you shouldn’t fuck with Disney.

    They’re quite allmighty and all that. Before you know it, they let someone ‘put a cap in your ass’.

    (By someone I mean: “Donald Duck”. And by ‘putting a cap in your ass’ I mean making you watch The Lion King over and over until you cry.)

  57. Short Circuit is perhaps one of the greatest movies ever.

    Now i’m angry.

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