life is beautiful

There are special moments in my life that really make me appreciate things.  Moments that make me Smile On The Inside and think, “Somehow Nicolas Cage is still making movies, but life is really alright with me.”

I had one of those moments yesterday.

I was walking down Broadway on my way to Barnes & Noble in search of a book that, despite what you’re thinking, did not have any naked women in it.

Between thoughts of “Is it possible for your back to sweat so much that it actually melts?” and “I bet my feet stink” I heard some dude ahead of me yelling at the top of his lungs.

This being New York, I don’t really pay attention to people yelling, unless they’re yelling directly at me, and even then, unless they’re making fun of my shoes or Something Important like that, I usually just keep moving on with my day.

But this guy was different.

I was walking toward him, and slowly I was able to hear what exactly he felt the need to scream about at 1:37 in the afternoon.

At first I didn’t think I heard him correctly, but then sure enough he yelled it again:

“I fucking hate black people!”

Woo hoo!

I knew this was going to be a good one.

Because of the crowded sidewalk I still couldn’t see the guy, but I kept making my way through, closer and closer to the afternoon fun.

He continued, to my delight, with his tirade: “I wish I could fucking kill them all!  Fucking black people!  Fuck them!”

Then, just as he finished the last rant, I saw him.

He was black.

When I came to him, I stared and walked past, with a huge smile on my face.  I couldn’t help thinking of that Dave Chapelle skit about the blind, black KKK leader, and how much this dude with a feverish hate for – well, himself –  just made my day.

It was a moment that made me happy.

A little exchange with a crazy person that kept me chugging along and thinking, “If I was fucking insane, I think I’d like to be like that guy.”


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50 responses to “life is beautiful

  1. Feel the love, man…

  2. Wow. I was kind of hoping that was where the story was heading…

  3. That guy needs to learn how to form an opinion.

  4. I thought this was going to be the kind of classic man-screams-nonsense-interspersed-with-barking story we walk past all the time, but man, this guy really pushed it over the top.

    Can’t decide which is sadder, this or animal sounds.

  5. We use to call guys like that “time bombs.” You’d be on a crowded subway and all of a sudden—boom!

    I heart New York! I moved here over two decades ago and never looked back because of magic, insane moments like that. They never get old. I’ll bet they don’t enjoy a lot of surprises like that in Omaha!

  6. I was really thinking a fight was going to break out – and then, the punch line.

    I just may test this out on my lunch break today:


  7. Rachel

    Nicolas Cage makes movies because he is Francis Ford Coppola’s nephew….and that ‘s the only reason.

    What was everyone doing around that guy?

  8. oh man your google search results are gonna blow up!
    gotta love NYC

  9. The Chapelle sketch was a classic. Especially the last line.

  10. nancypearlwannabe

    And that right there is why I could not live in NYC. Far too much entertainment on every street corner!

  11. He should hook up with that lady who yelled at you about “curbing” your dog and how white people like dog shit.

    That would be the ultimate crazy motherfucker gladiator smack down of all time!

  12. This tale was as entertaining as promised. Also, Chapelle was the first thing I thought of too.


    Hmmm That felt pretty good…..


    Dammit. That isn’t nearly as amusing as the guy you saw on the street. *defeated sigh*

  15. Awww, no fight? No argument? Come on New York! You can do better!!

  16. idontliketoread


  17. deutlich

    Mom in real life cracks me the fuck up

  18. I fucking hate black people, too. And fucking racists.

  19. Ugh! Back Sweat merrrrrrrrr!!!

  20. I thought for sure you were going to see Sam Jackson run over and save that guy from a gang.

    I was disappointed.

  21. kali – I do!

    amanda – I’m glad I didn’t disappoint you.

    essentially – I know. I’m thinking of offering him some lessons.

    jessica – I’m going with this, though I do love me some barking.

    banishment – Yeah, Omaha is probably very quiet.

    alice – Let me know how that goes. Please?

    rachel – Good point. Everyone was kinda staying away from him. Aside from me. I thought he was great.

    jenny – All part of my master plan.

    zibbs – One of my favorite ones ever.

    nancypearl – No, this is why you should live here.

    kristen – Hahaha – That is a good idea.

    stealth – Great minds think alike.

    inreallife – Glad you got that off your chest. See what I did there? I’m funny!

    word – Try again?

    marie – Yeah, some good ol violence would have made things better.

    idont – Face……. Off…..

    deutlich – She’s funny. And she has big boobs!!!

    falwless – Are you sure? Let’s discuss this further. Give them another chance!

    yourgirlfriend – Hahaha – that was the perfect comment!

    todd – Man, if that had happened I think I’d probably kill myself because my life could only go downhill from there.

  22. megkathleen

    It really is hard getting out of bed every morning knowing that Nicolas Cage is probably in the process of making a movie. Thank God for the crazies.

  23. Bill O’reilly would’ve gave that guy a high five

  24. But I want to know why he hates black people. Why didn’t you asked him? He seemed approachable.

  25. I love getting the inside scoop on nuances of living in New York, the difference between noteworthy yelling vs. your every day rant. It’s good stuff.

  26. Hipsters in Portland yell about hating themselves everyday. Except they do it on the inside and what they end up saying out loud is, “We only have french press here so you’ll have to wait a little longer for your coffee, man.”

  27. I would say that it’s a New York thing, but I saw a similar scene in the mean streets of Poughkeepsie last night. Except that it involved two white people.

  28. Matt

    He hates himself it was a cry for help!

    and one less vote for Obama…

  29. 1] Would you still be my friend if I admit that I loved ‘City of Angels’?

    2] Remember that Chris Rock joke about N!#@*s vs Black people? Maybe that was the crazy man’s argument. And if it was, I would have to agree with crazy man!

  30. I love your NY stories of the crazies that live there. I also love that skit.

  31. Even your afternoons are filled with exciting people. Mine consisted of a cook-out.

  32. inna

    …not such a bogus day after all huh….

  33. megkathleen – I knew you’d understand.

    cruz – Hahaha – hell yes, then stood next to him and joined in on the chant.

    hollywood – If you were with me, I would’ve had the strength to, but alas, you weren’t.

    megan – That’s right, you won’t get this from some travel company or something. I don’t even think that made sense.

    kiala – Hahaha – nice.

    noelle – That’s what I imagine happens there.

    matt – Poor guy.

    mental – 1) No. 2) Yes, I’d agree too.

    lissa – Thanks! And yes, it’s sweet.

    allison – Yours was way better than mine.

    inna – Not today at least!

  34. CDP

    I effing hate bloggers! And commenters! Especially extremely funny, no, HILARIOUS ones! I want to kill them all!

  35. That guy is lucky he’s far away from Portland. We’d firebomb his ass for sure. But do it with paper bags and hemp shoes.

  36. Miz

    Sounds like it would’ve been a great thing to record for YouTube. Some people’s children!

  37. Black people don’t care about black people. Kanye said so.

  38. my first thought was chapelle’s skit, haha. wow. some people.

  39. i HATE nicholas cage. worst actor ever. he doesnt open his mouth to talk.

    i cant understand yoooooooou! Go back to your own countrrrrry!

    Oh, Dave. You make the world a better place.

    First name basis, its true. we are besties.

  40. So you saw me in NY I see?

  41. I personally love seeing the insane up close and personal. It helps me to fully embrace my own insanity.

    It feels good to be crazy especially when there’s people crazier than yourself out there.

    PS: I love ALL people.

  42. I’d be happier if we stopped Nic Cage.

  43. I wonder if he said that just to see people’s reactions…

  44. I’m guessing he was mad because another black person did something to give black people a bad name and it pissed him off. I get it. He’s not that crazy. Just crazy enough to say it out loud.

  45. Haha! Thanks… made me giggle 🙂 Although now I’ve read MsPuddin’s comment I feel shamed because I know she’s right.

  46. cdp – Me too!

    melissa – And have a recycling drive while you were doing it.

    miz – Yeah, video of the guy would’ve been great.

    rs – Ye knows all.

    katelin – That’s because you’re brilliant. Just like me.

    everygym – Yeah – it’s a tie between him and Keanu.

    dan – I tried to say hi, but you seemed kinda busy.

    morgy – I completely agree.

    pistols – Let’s do it.

    almost – No. He was nuts. He didn’t care what people thought.

    mspuddin – I know what you’re saying, but this dude was fucking crazy. He was drooling and had this insane look in his eyes.

    nuttycow – No, she’s not really right, though she makes a good point. He was insane – I should have described him better than I did. He was wild, if you two saw him you’d understand what I’m saying.

  47. Now if that had’ve been me walking down the street, not only would homie been yelling “I fucking hate black people!” but he would’ve stopped his rant momentarily and tried to hit on me saying something very similar to “hey hot young thing, you know you want some of this good loving!” just like the crackhead did that one time…

  48. i love crazy people.

    i miss dave chappelle.

  49. Pingback: Wednesday miscellany XIII « Parlez-vous moo?

  50. longredcape

    I really want to know what happened to him to make him do that . . . or if he is really just an extremely self-loathing black person.

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