it’s for the best

Well.

Here we are again.

I see you have another movie coming out.  Yes, I’m proud of you, but no, I’m not going to see it.

Why?

C’mon Ben.  Let’s not do this again.  We did this after Meet The Parents.  I told you, I just don’t think you’re very funny.  Actually, what I said was, and I am reiterating this again:  “You really fucking suck.”

I know, I know, your movies always make tons of money, and believe me, that makes me happy for you.  It’s great that people pay money to see you play the exact same dumb ass character in every single movie you make.  Hey – look at Adam Sandler – he’s made a career that way too!

What – no Ben – no!  I don’t want to hear about how different Tropic Thunder is going to be.

Because it’s not.

You know it’s not and so do I.

What do you do in this movie Ben?  Let me guess.  Do you somehow manage to get yourself tangled in an awkward situation and then the wild and crazy hijinks ensue?

You do???

Well – I’m shocked!

Oh jesus man, if you do that damn Zoolander face one more time, I swear to god – I don’t fucking care about “Blue Steel” dude – I just don’t!  Yes, it was funny the first time, but not anymore!  It’s time to move on!

Look, we’re friends, right?  So I can tell you this and it won’t hurt your feelings, right?  You’re terrible.  You’re not funny and really never have been. You’re also one of the worst actors of all time, and if you keep starring in these fucking dumb movies, you’ll dethrone Keanu as the worst ever.

Yeah, well, I know.  But I thought Point Break was pretty sweet, so that gives him points over you if I needed a tiebreaker.

I know, as they say, the truth hurts.  It’s going to be alright buddy, just keep your head up and try and think about others before you make another movie that makes people cry inside.

Huh?

Oh, yeah, sure man.  I’ll still come over Friday for Pizza and Pop Night.

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62 Comments

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62 responses to “it’s for the best

  1. Ben

    Add Will Ferrell to that list of shitty actors who do the same thing over and over and over again and I’m on board.

    I DON’T CARE HOW MANY OF YOU LIKED ANCHORMAN.

    Make the reign of terror end!

  2. deutlich

    I… don’t care for him that much either but I am SO watching Tropic Thunder. Robert Downey & Jack Black? Hell to the yes.

  3. deutlich

    @Ben I TOTALLY AGREE ABOUT WILL FERRELL. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh he bugs me.

  4. Yeah, I loved Zoolander though. But that’s about it.

  5. How many movies can you possibly make with the main character getting shit on the entire movie? Hold on, let me ask the National Lampoon people…

  6. When I feel like thinking I’ll read my text book… When I want mindless entertainment of talentless, grown ass men in a state of arrested development I’ll watch a Ben Stiller or Will Farrell movie.

    I shall see Tropic Thunder… I shall see Step Brothers

    Judge Me

  7. PS. There are rumors of an Anchorman 2 in the making… I’m not classy enough to NOT go see that.

  8. I wasn’t going to chime in with more Zoolander hate, but WILL FERRELL?

    Have you people seen Stranger Than Fiction? (Unfortunately, I have to agree re Step Brothers, and everything else he makes, but I want to believe there will be more like STF. And what about the landlord video? Does no one have love for Will+the adorable kid?)

  9. Matt

    He was never meant to be a main character. He is an assistant pimp…how does he keep getting these starring roles?

    His best movie ever was dodgeball.

  10. All of his movies are just a tidal wave of dramatic irony. The script says, “Here’s this genuinely nice guy that you are supposed to like!” Then, something happens that makes him look like a douche to all of the other characters, but the audience knows that he is in the right the whole time. Then, everything works out and it was all just one big misunderstanding. Awwww…

    There is one fatal flaw. NOBODY feels bad for Ben Stiller, so, in the end, the entire audience is like, “WTF!!! I wanted to watch that guy fail miserably. Damnit! Another $9.50 down the drain!”

    When will the madness end..?

  11. JB

    The only reason I’m even considering seeing this is because of Robert Downey Jr.

    I absolutely loathe Stiller, Sandler, Ferrel, and heck, throw in Jack Black because he should be just like the first three guys but tries to hard by “branching out” with flicks like King Kong and that stupid rom-com he did.

  12. I think Ben Stiller looks like a monkey.

  13. i beg to differ with “your movies always make tons of money”
    ever heard of Heartbreak Kid? yah, no one else did either. when the previews are awful you know a movie is going to be B A D. i mean, c’mon you can’t even find 45 seconds worth or good footage to string together? lame.
    Zoolander was the last good thing he will ever do.

  14. I LOVE ZOOLANDER. However, I think Ben went waaaaay down market after that.

  15. Ben Stiller is my boyfriend. I hate you.

  16. Rachel

    I’m so glad that you followed yesterday’s debacle with some real “good friend” tactics today.

    We can all learn from you…

  17. Ben Stiller is one of those no talent guys who thinks he’s funny and he’s got some sort of blackmail info he’s using to get people to fund his dumbass movies.

    And Tropic Thunder? I won’t go see it but that’s not to say that I won’t watch it on cable. I’ll watch Robert Downey, Jr. in anything.

  18. I’d want to see Will Ferrell launched into the sun, too, like a lot of the people above, if he hadn’t made those Dubya videos during the last election cycle.

    Ben Stiller really hasn’t been funny since There’s Something About Mary, and he pretty much played the straight man in that one.

  19. I can’t trash talk Zoolander–guest appearances by Billy Zane AND Lance Bass?! Nice touch! But generally Ben Stiller gives me anxiety. I can’t even watch Meet the Parents because I spend the whole movie feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed. Kind of like watching Tampon commercials with your parents in the room.

  20. I think you should also write an open letter Will Ferrell and his awful character spoof movies.

    He’s better than that and someone needs to tell him.

    I think that should be you.

  21. Nobody can dethrone Keanu as worst ever!!!

    Also, I have faith in Robert Downey Jr. for Tropic Thunder. That is all.

  22. ben – Yeah, but for some reason Will doesn’t bother me as much.

    deutlich – Man, I don’t know…

    nicole – I know, lots of people did. That doesn’t make it right!

    narm – Exactly!

    mental – I think Step Brothers looks good.

    jessica – Yeah – I loved that video!

    matt – Right.

    matt – Hahaha – yes! No one feels bad for him! Awesome.

    jb – I had no idea Downey Jr had so many fans! I mean, what the fuck has that dude ever done???

    kristen – Hahaha – and….. case closed.

    jenny – I do remember that. Terrible.

    arielle – Yeah, I just can’t get with that movie.

    mindy – That’s a shame.

    rachel – Yes! I am a Teacher Of People!

    dingo – Okay. Someone. ANYONE. Tell me why Downey Jr seems to have so many fans? And you can’t say Iron Man.

    justin – Right – I thought that was funny, but the real funny was Matt Dillon, not him.

    stealthnerd – Hahaha – excellent analogy.

    alexis – Yes, he is better than that. I will do it.

    jessica – I know, it’ll be tough. Another Downey Jr fan???? Why???

  23. I haven’t seen a Will Ferrell movie in the theater because my sister-in-law will go see it and declare it THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER, OMG YOU HAVE TO GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!! Naturally, when we watch it on video we are greatly let down.

  24. megkathleen

    I’m completely neutral when it comes to Ben Stiller and Tropic Thunder, but I am deeply disturbed by all these Will Ferrell haters. Did nobody see the Pearl the landlord videos? If they had seen that they would love him as much as I do.

  25. …aaaaand he makes a ton of money doing it, over and over again. Same with Ferrel and Sandler. what can we say, people are stoopid.

    Chris, you don’t look good in green…..

  26. I watched Heartbreak Kid with my inlaws. Biggest mistake ever. My father-in-law excused himself 15 minutes in during a terrible sex scene.

    Awkward.

  27. I cannot stand Ben Stiller.

    But I loved Dodgeball.

    “Blade, Laser……BLASER!!!”

  28. I never understood There’s Something About Mary. Just didn’t think it was funny. I’m dumb, what can I say?

  29. Matt – you only pay $9.50 for a movie? Dammit movies here are $12!! I suppose your popcorn cost less then $8 too doesn’t it?

    Back to the topic – I heart Zoolander mostly for the quotable lines and the freak accident at the gas station. It really made me think twice about gasoline fighting.

    Other then that all the movies are pretty much the same old thing regurgitated over and over.

  30. I’m not looking forward to this movie. At all.

  31. So true. The man just totally sucks. I think Katie Holmes beats him though. She’s just a terrible actress.

  32. I hate Ben Stiller but you can’t keep me away from this movie.

    Can’t.

    Don’t try.

    Stop it.

  33. I have a soft spot for Zoolander.
    Probably because I have a thing for boys that are impossibly pretty AND really really stupid.

  34. While others bash Ben Stiller and Will Ferrell (as well they should; I’d join but I think everyone else has said all that needs to be said), I’d like to take this opportunity to point out how much I love Ricky Gervais. The man’s a genius. If you haven’t seen it, you must see the “Extras” episode with Ben Stiller, because it’s damn funny.

  35. No, no, no!

    Okay, all the actors you mention suck ass, but this is reason to applaud them. Don’t berate them. Instead, ask them to share their secrets!

    All I want out of life is the opportunity to do the same dumb shit over and over again and make tons of money doing it every. single. time.

    Can anyone here — Chris, you included — say they want anything different out of life?

  36. I thought I didn’t like movies in general, but it’s entirely possible it’s because Ben Stiller is in all of them.
    Also, why is Will Ferrell’s head so damn big? It really bothers me.

  37. inreallife – Of course you are.

    megkathleen – No I liked that video too – it was awesome.

    village – But it brings out my eyes!

    msr – Yeah, that would do it.

    yourgirlfriend – Never saw it and I don’t think I will.

    melissa – It’s fine. It’s overrated anyway.

    alice – I pay $12 too.

    freeandflawed – Good.

    marie – Yeah, she’s pretty bad too.

    todd – Yes!

    kiala – Well at least buy some Raisenets to make it fun.

    big time – Yeah, that might be it.

    phil – I’ll check it out.

    stoogepie – That’s a really good point.

    megan – Hahaha – I hope no one ever says that about me…

  38. Everyone is agreeing with you? If you people didn’t like Along Came Polly, Meet the Parents and Zoolander you are Un-american. That’s right I said it.

    This movie is hilarious because Robert Downey Jr, plays a black guy. Have you not seen Soul Man?

    that worked so…

    oh.

  39. Hahahaha… “pop”! I love it when people call soda, pop!

    What the hell were we talking about?!?

    Oh yeah. Keanu Reeves, right?

    I LOVED “Point Break”!

  40. Really? I LOVE Ben! Not enough to see Thunder in theatres… but I’ll see it eventually. Really though? All comedians have their fall back stock character. Will Ferrel. Jack Black. Michael Cera. Seth Rogen. They keep playing the same character, and it’s TOTALLY fine because I find it hilarious.

  41. Pants

    I was just telling a friend he should have hung up the towel after “Flirting With Disaster”. And I don’t think that would have been nearly as funny without Patricia Arquette…girl crush!

  42. The only GOOD Ben Stiller movie is Heavyweights. It’s before he got crazy “famous,” so he’s hilarious without trying to be.

  43. keanu did point break and the replacements, how does that not dethrone the heartbreak kid? that movie look shiteous.

  44. i think ben stiller is funnier than jesus. what do you think about that?

  45. No no no you guys… Will Ferrel… I can’t say much for his other movies but I loved Stranger than Fiction and double-loved Kicking and Screaming.
    Aaahhh!!!!

    Although Ben Stiller?
    Yes, he’s awful.
    So is Adam Sandler.

  46. RDJ was sexy as hell in Iron Man and I’m kind of in love with him now.

  47. I almost feel guilty about wanting to see that movie… but I want to see it because I love RDJ!

  48. I do not want to see Tropic Thunder but the way they’re hyping this Tom Cruise cameo I might have to sneak in. Love Ben Stiller but after watching Heartbreak Kid, my love has faded a bit.

  49. I think I’m the only one who will claim that my love of Robert Downey Jr began when he was on Ally McBeal. He is the only reason I want to see this movie.

  50. I liked RDJ in Less Than Zero but fell in love with him for Chaplin. After that, everything else was just gravy. He’s doing Butt Stinker a favor by even appearing in the same zip code as him much less a film.

  51. OMG My husband defends Keanu with Point Break EVERY TIME we get in a “Keanu is the worst actor in the world” debate. …he also likes to include “Parenthood” …come on.

  52. The worst thing about Ben is he keeps casting his wife to be his girlfriend in movies because she can’t get roles any other way.

  53. Goose

    While I’ll agree that Zoolander is a good movie to turn your brain off too…and has a lot of great cameos…I can’t watch Ben Stiller any more. Case in point: Duplex. I watched it because someone at the house rented it. I watched, and I couldn’t stand seeing something else bad happen. I hate movies where you think they can’t go lower…yet they do!! Walk the Line aside, that movie was fantastic and Johnny Cash is a legend. All that being said the only thing that can save that movie is the re-found Robert Downey Jr. I’ll go see Stepbrothers instead.

  54. JL

    Ben was funny in Zoolander I’ll give you that, then I became indifferent and then I saw The Heartbreak Kid… now I hate him. What a lame fil-m.

  55. rs – Exactly.

    jen – It’s the Pittsburgh in me.

    lisa – I don’t think they’re all funny though.

    pants – I am a big fan of girls who have girl crushes.

    angela – I never saw it.

    katelin – No I totally agree with you.

    julie – I think Jesus has one more knock knock joke he wants you to hear before you judge him.

    girl – I like Ferrell too.

    jamie – Gotta love the drug addicts!

    twink – I know, I know. The women love RDJ.

    jessica – You’ll regret it.

    ifiweretina – I’ve actually had this conversation with Kristen, she shares your passion for Ally.

    dingo – I guess so…

    maegan – Point Break forever!!!

    essentially – Yes!

    goose – Yes, Step Brothers looks funny as hell.

    jl – I’ve hated him for a long time.

  56. What the hell have you started here Chris? Shit, there’s a lot of comments … and I won’t lie, I gave up halfway on reading them.

    So, to add yet another comment nobody will read: It is IMPOSSIBLE to be worse than Keanu. I hate him. I hate everything he’s ever done. Matrix? It sucked (Oh, and I had to watch/analyze it for a film class, where I got a friggin’ B. So lame.) Keanu IS the worst ever. His voice, his face, seriously, if I’m trapped in an elevator with this man, only one of us will make it out alive.

    As for Ben, it’s a love/hate deal. Along Came Polly, Meet the Parents (1 and 2), great movies. This new one gets a “meh” from me. I’ll wait for Netflix. I’d much rather see crap like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 or the new Mummy flick.

  57. stina

    you’re MEAN!!!!

    i so agree with you.

  58. I’m seeing Tropical Thunder for Robert Downey Jr.!

    Hilarious entry btw!

  59. ok so i still love ben stiller but im picking up what you are throwing down.

    i would change this post from ben to will ferrel but it looks like everyone said that before me.

    stoopid vacation : )

  60. I’ve never really been a big Ben fan either. Been a big Ben fan. Been a big Ben fan. That starts to sound weird after a while. But I did like his weird role in The Royal Tenebaums. It was really simple which is so unlike him. I wish he would do more stuff like that.

  61. well at least he has the fact that he is really, really ridiculously good lookin’ to back up his bad acting and lame movie climax…

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