tgif

I love Fridays.

Not just for the fact that it’s the start of the weekend when anything can happen, from drinking too much and partying to drinking too much and sitting on the couch, but because it’s an instant conversation piece.

Fridays are something that you can always bring up in the office, and feel safe that the person opposite you will respond pleasantly.

The weather is another great fall back conversation.  Remark on how it “Looks like rain” and you can slip away safely, back to your work/blogs/porn.

But when it comes to classics, Friday Lines trump all.

When someone you don’t feel like talking to approaches and asks how things are going, you can always bust one out, “Well, it’s Friday, can’t complain!”  And safely avoid actually having to think.

The Friday Line is always lame and terrible, but trust me, it’s a lot safer than the things you’d rather say.

“Hey Steve, good to see you’re still wearing that shirt even though the pit stains have cemented.”

“Oh hi Barbara, yeah, I love that you never actually do any work yet somehow still have a job.”

“No, Carl, really, I think it’s great that you fart all the time and people think it’s me.”

“Hey, don’t come too close there Sue, I drank tequila last night and your nasty perfume is making my stomach notice your Poor Decision.”

“Looking great Laura – that skirt really shows off those cankles.”

“Yeah Jim, I feel much better knowing that you got that boil removed off your back.”

“See you tomorrow Dan, though I hope I don’t, one more conversation with you about the feeding habits of deer and I may have to gut you.”

This is the reason the Friday line is the best decision.  It keeps you out of these kinds of conversations, which will only lead to hurt feelings and maybe the end of your employment.

Though that might be a good thing, seeing as how we all know Carl is never going to stop.

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48 Comments

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48 responses to “tgif

  1. Try being married to a “Carl”

    “Geez, Rachel. You couldn’t hold it till we were past the kids/priest/President/Batman?”

  2. oh wait, am I supposed to celebrate the fact that I just happened to stalk your blog a little better then others today?

    I am the first!

    Nope, don’t feel any more special….

  3. Why do people have ‘dress down’ Friday’s? I mean, Friday’s are already a good day because of the Friday line and it being close to Saturday and far from Monday. I think dress down days should be on a more depressing day so that there is something to look forward to. Like Tuesday. Tuesday is kind of a shitty day.

  4. Ben

    Oh see, it’s a long weekend here…so we have the Friday comment AND the long-weekend comment to keep us from throwing knives at each other’s faces.

    “It’s finally Friday!”

    “A long weekend but it won’t be long enough!”

    KILL ME.

  5. Matt

    work/blogs/porn….

    how did you know exactly what I do all day?

    Fucking amazing, man.

  6. So I take it you work with all these people? Ya, me too.

  7. you forgot “oh hey Doug! so glad you decided to come in to work today, i was afraid your six figure salary was distracting you from coming to work.”

  8. The only perk of living in Cleveland is that the weather is always doing something ridiculous – so I can avoid any REAL conversations.

  9. Carl

    Dude, I totally just ripped ass in your cubicle again!

    Plus I had baked beans and feta cheese for breakfast this morning!

  10. Well this is just good practical material, I’m constantly at a loss for words.
    Now if you could give me something to say at the party thing tonight with coworkers, I’d be all set. Or does the Friday line work there, too?

  11. OMG. you have NO idea how many times fridays have saved me from literally bursting out with the line about the skirt and the cankles….yeah, it’s not pretty. so, umm, go fridays!

  12. stina

    oh how i hate making chit-chat. (i’m bad at it).
    that’s why i’ll never be elected to be president. of anything.
    hey that’s why this comment is so bad!

  13. I would like to shout to the heavens how much I loathe small talk, and all the little nice insincere things people say to each other on a daily basis.

    Asking, “How are you today?” as you walk by someone?! You have absolutely NO INTENTIONS of sticking around for a legitimate reply. DON’T FREAKIN’ ASK!

    Friday is indeed a grand escape, but it kinda hurts me too.

  14. It’s my dream in life to be Barbara.

  15. You work with some straaaaaange people. 😉

    It’s FRIDAY!!!

  16. What about the classic:
    “Hey Val, if I hear about your daughters wedding one more time I’ll cut my own ears off!”
    Fridays are awesome. Like Ben said, we also have a long weekend here so you get the built-in “Heading anywhere for the long weekend?”

  17. I know Barbra!

    TGIF! Hoping you drunk twitter like a mo fo again this weekend!

  18. Thank you.
    You have just reminded me why I am glad that I now work for myself.

  19. How did you know Barbara was my real name?

  20. inreallife – I can’t believe he farted in front of Batman.

    essentially – This is awesome. Please write a post on this subject.

    ben – Yes, the long weekend is another good one.

    matt – Well, I figure most people are like me…

    marie – It sucks, doesn’t it?

    jenny – Fucking Doug.

    maegan – Looks like rain!

    narm – Well, at least you have that.

    ari – I figured you would like that.

    carl – I know. I know.

    megan – 1) The weather for the weekend. 2) The food. 3) The price of gas. 4) Your blog.

    voiceinmyhead – Nothing good about cankles.

    stina – Hahaha – actually that was pretty good.

    heather – I agree – and thanks!

    melissa – Me too, that’s why I hate her so much.

    jen – And you don’t?

    alice – Oh yes, kids are the worst.

    mental – I will give it my best shot.

    cherry – Bastard!

    shelly – I just took a guess.

  21. Sometimes I think I might have cankles and that makes me sad.

    But it’s Friday so who cares?

    RIGHT? Did I do it right?

  22. Kiala- I have cankles too. But there’s always vodka so who cares!

    See? It doesn’t have to be Friday at all…

  23. I’m a fan of the head nod because it’s very noncommittal; I don’t have to say what I really think which is glad to see that sleeping your way to the top is still working out for you suzy!

  24. That’s why I live at a TGIFriday’s: because in there, it’s always Friday. Sure, that means I get fired every Monday when I don’t show up for work, but I save literally tens of seconds I would have wasted coming up with awkward work conversations.

  25. k8

    I’m a fan of, “Did you really think I was remotely interested in anything you say?” And unfortunately, it’s actually come out of my mouth.

    Several times.

    And not on Fridays.

    God, I’m a bitch.

  26. I like to go with, “Hey lets go streaking” to co-workers. Maybe the “It’s Friday” line is better.

  27. Summer Fridays are even better!!

  28. TGIF Motherfuckers! TGIF… am i allowed to say motherfucker?

    i apologize if i’m not.

  29. That’s why I love working from home. I only have myself to make snide remarks to.

  30. kiala – I refuse to believe that you have cankles. It will ruin my dream.

    kristen – You are lucky.

    lissa – Suzy is such a hoe bag.

    pistols – Plus mozzarella sticks!

    k8 – I like that in a person.

    rs – As long as the person is hot, then yes, that line works.

    yourgirlfreind – I hate all of you with Summer Fridays.

    julie – Of course you are! Motherfucker, ass, bitch, hell.

    melissa – http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cankle

    ms.r – Don’t be too mean to yourself.

  31. megkathleen

    I like to follow up the “It’s Friday!” line with, “Thank God I get two days without all you motherfuckers.”

    It turns out that that is a bad idea.

  32. Ugh. Cankles…. I want to know how some women get them…. They’re just so WEIRD.

  33. i completely agree, the friday lines trump all, always.

  34. Pants

    I love inappropriate work sharing! While suffering through chronic back pain a few years ago I caught myself replying, “I’m great. Just wishing for the sweet relief of death.” on more than one occasion.

  35. LMAO

    too true.

    every week, it’s the same line. i hate fridays, i hate people — but every week, each friday, when i’m at a point where i want to tell co-workers to go fug themselves and leave me alone, instead i ask them about their weekend plans if i want to start a conversation. or i say “it’s friday!” in a fake cheery voice when i don’t.

    the friday lines help me from going postal.

    🙂

    nice post.

  36. its saturday morning right now and your blindingly white background is not making this headache any better.

    I must leave before I lose my coffee. I;ve buried many a keyboards that way.

    http://www.everygymsnightmare.com

  37. That’s exactly why I love my job. I rarely work with the same people every day of the week, so I never have these awkward conversations.

  38. i had to tag you. sorry. i hate these fucking things, but i had to do it, so you do too.

    go to http://www.groundedfitness.com to see what to do. not that i really want to know anymore about you, but I’m sure the rest of your readers aren’t as cautious.

    did i spell cautious right? that doesnt look right.

    http://www.everygymsnightmare.com

  39. Sometimes I think maybe – just maybe if I did say the things that are on the tippy top of my tongue I would never ever be required to engage in small talk again.

    But then I worry they might fire me.

    by the way – work/porn/blog? In what magical land does this job exist where one can get away with porn/blog on company time? And where do I sign up?

  40. I kind of wish you WOULD start saying those things to people. But maybe that just makes me a bad person?

  41. I love that you said cankles.

  42. I love Fridays too! And not just because we get out of work at Noon, which is pretty much the jam, but also because everyone is so carefree and happy. I swear I could walk into my office on a Friday with my tits hanging out of my shirt and people would be like, “Oh hey! Michelle! Happy Friday! You’re looking…cold. Wanna borrow my sweater?”

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