everything will be okay

Lots of things confuse me.

Like why In The Air Tonight was Phil Collins’ biggest hit, even though it’s clear that Sussudio is his best work.

But when I’m not being stunned by the slighting of a song about some girl with a name so odd that one could question its authenticity, I am continually baffled by tupperware.

More specifically, the obsession women have with these tiny containers made of plastic that you must make burp.

I just don’t understand it.

I threw away a container that had tuna in it for about eight months and when I told Ari, I’m fairly certain that she wanted to knife me.  Usually she only wants to knife me after I drink too much.

But when she heard that one of her plastic food saviors had met its end because I’m lazy and didn’t want to wash it, I got a death stare and a Stern Talking To that ended with me assuring her that I will buy another container.

And heaven help the poor man who leaves tupperware at some party!  Because women, despite being able to tell you what Lauren Conrad did yesterday that was just so fake, do not realize that tupperware is available to be purchased at any moment!  In stores!  Everywhere!

I’ve seen it!

If I wanted to, I could get you a medium container in twenty minutes.  I might throw it away or lose it by next week, but dammit I will get you that container.

There really is no need for all the dramatics behind tupperware.

If a piece happens to disappear, then please, please just shake it off.  Us men will go into battle, slay another piece for you and bring it back, triumphantly proclaiming, “Woman!  I bring you small tupperware!  Now attend to my loins!”

Just don’t ask us to find the lid that goes with that weird shaped one.

That’s impossible.

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59 Comments

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59 responses to “everything will be okay

  1. deutlich

    My inner hippie read that and went, “well – glass ‘tupperware’ is way better than plastic anyway”

  2. haha. I used to have a whole stash of Tupperware and assorted lids. When I moved recently I decided it was time to purge. Turns out I had twice as many lids as I did containers. WTF?! Where did all the containers go? Did someone like you throw them away, leaving the lid to taunt and tease me?… I think so…

  3. I don’t know what to say except that EVERYTHING you just said is completely true. I get VERY antsy when Boo doesn’t burp the tupperware before he fridges it. I am pissed beyond belief when I have to throw out tupperware that I’ve had since college because it turns out that sloppy joe leftovers can’t survive in there for upwards of 3 months.

  4. Tupperware is merely there to make me feel like I am actually going to “eat” those leftovers later and save money, when the truth is that nope, I just don’t DO leftovers.

  5. Ben

    Tupperware is always disposable to me. If I can smell death’s vomit or see mold when opening it, it’s getting chucked. There is no travel dish worth saving when faced with fear of my skin melting off from the odor.

  6. Haha you’re right!! I’m still kiciking myself in the head for all the tupperware I left at my old job. My mom is OBSESSED with tupperware. Every single time she goes to the grocery store, she brings home some more tupperware. Why do we need more? We have hundreds!

  7. that’s why i buy the cheap ziplock-ware in the supermarket. it’s so cheap, so when i throw it out because i’m lazy i don’t have a melt down. who wants to clean out some unknown mystery food that’s been festering in the fridge for 3 weeks? not me.
    thank you ziplock.

  8. If you don’t “slay” a replacement today, don’t bother coming home.

  9. What’s tupperware? Wrap that shit in some foil… it’ll be aiiight!

    : ::I may have been living like bachelor for too long:: :

  10. Matt

    Or how come sledgehammer is allegedly Peter Gabriels best song when Big Time was way better?

    It’s insane.

  11. Tupperware. Lauren Conrad. (insert image of me moving my hands up and down like scales).

    Which one is more painfully boring? Hard to decide, I know.

  12. We have things still in the original Tupperware — I mean original Tupperware. I think it’s family tradition to hand down a mold-infested container from the 1940s. No one can bear to throw them out and no one who doesn’t have a death wish will open them. Ahhh, back in the days when they built things to last.

  13. I never tend to his loins. Maybe that’s why my husband keeps leaving my tupperware at work.

    Fuck that noise.

    I’m not tending to any loins just to get my small containers back.

    I’ll just buy new ones.

    And I’ll tend to my own loins.

  14. What is this word “tupperware”?

    Do you realise the point of “tupperware” (??) is that they are REUSEABLE, and therefore throwing them out ist streng verboten?

  15. The Disney Tarazan sound track is loaded with Phil Collins magic.

    Phil Collins is best enjoyed at weddings while watching 40 something year old women dance wildly.

  16. The thing is, you can never find the exact match to a set. So with each disappearing piece, your family of tupperware is holding funerals for its deceased.

    And when new tupperware is introduced into the group, the old guys get all antsy, so you end up having to file another missing persons report in a matter of days. A losing battle.

  17. You should’ve said that the tuna being in the tupperware for eight months morphed into a plastic/fish hybrid and attacked you. The only way to destroy this mortal enemy was by tossing it in the nearby trash can. Trash cans are it’s weakness.

  18. We grow attached to them. Particularly the wee containers. They’re just so cute!

  19. Phil Collins is evil. When he took over Genesis and turned them into an 80’s pop band, it convinced all of the other awesome 70’s progressive rock bands to follow suit. That’s why we have Momentary Lapse of Reason, 90215, Roll the Bones etc.

    A terrible time for music..:-/

  20. I thought the whole point of tupperware was to throw away your leftovers instead of doing the dishes.

  21. I do love my tupperware. Especially the stain shield kind. My husband’s hobby is to take leftover dinner to work, forget about it by the time he parks, and leave it in his truck….needless to say, we throw away a lot of tupperware.

  22. idontliketoread

    Dont Lose my Number is clearly Phil’s best work

  23. whenever i am called upon to speak of the genius of phil collins, sussudio is always my reference point.

  24. deutlich – My inner hippie died a long time ago.

    word – I would bet on it.

    stealth – I just do not understand it, it blows my mind.

    inrealife – This what I try and tell Ari, but she does not listen.

    ben – Hahaha – well said.

    douchegirl – Well at least you can admit it. That’s the first step to recovering from your problem.

    jenny – We’d get along well.

    ari – But you’ll miss my lovin!

    mental – Exactly – you see my tag?

    matt – Yes! Big Time is awesome.

    yourgirlfriend – I give the nod to tupperware because at LC is nice to look at.

    dingo – Throw it away! Do it! Liberate yourself!

    kristen – Well I think that’s just very selfish of you.

    kali – I know, but I hate that crap!

    paul – Hmmm… I like this theory.

    jessica – You are more eloquent than me.

    alexis – I should have!

    melissa – Women are weird.

    matt – I think you’re just upset you can’t party with Phil.

    megan – I know!

    kindredly – Your husband sounds a lot like me.

    i dont – Yes – another absolute classic!

    gina – This is why I like you.

  25. But why waste money BUYING another Tupperware container when you had a perfectly good one? I see her point. I think it’s a girl thing.

  26. Maybe it wasn’t so much the tupperware as it was your laziness?

    The women in my family all love tupperware and I just don’t get it. I’d throw it away as well. They would kill one of their own for that stupid plastic box.

  27. If you keep chucking them and need to keep buying new ones that’s just a waste of money. So stop throwing them away! That money is better spent elsewhere then on continuously purchasing tupperware.

  28. i had to stop at su – su – sussudio and have a mental singing break

  29. This makes me wish that Phil Collins would sing about Tupperware so he could gain his former glory.

  30. I def throw out tupperware all the time because I am too lazy to wash it. I guess that means I’ll be seeing you in hell.

    This line:
    “Woman! I bring you small tupperware! Now attend to my loins!”

    I may have peed my pants a little. Hilarious.

  31. Plastic Food Saviors. Good name for a band.

    Or a new line of storage containers. Go with it.

  32. k8

    I might have a bit of man in me? My boyfriend brought many tupperwares into our relationship that have gotten tossed over the years. I refuse to open something that distinctly is moving in the refrigerator. If it’s in the refrigerator, it SHOULD NOT MOVE. Now the yellow lid goes on the green bowl, which is a travesty, since the green lid was on the yellow bowl when it met it’s demise.

  33. I must have something wrong with me because I have thrown tupperware away because I didn’t want to open it and wash it. It was the smell I was afraid of. So. Very. Afraid.

  34. I agree with Melissa Lion.

    The tiny salad dressing containers are in-di-spens-i-ble.

  35. Well,apparently you haven’t been to one of those meetings where lots of creepy women (like my grandma) get together and drink tea and coffee and eat cookies and then buy tons of Tupperwares.
    That’s worse.

    And then my grandma had so many she started giving them to all of her children aka. my mom and siblings.

    Then, my mom started to get creepy by saying that ANY leftovers HAD to be put in the tupperwares. And then, with an ERASABLE marker, mark the date it was put in the fridge.

    I should be saying “My family is crazier than Arie for Tupperwares”, but I’ll probably end up being as creepy as them, so…

  36. lauren – Yes. Me too.

    freeandflawed – Yeah, but I like to think that she’s used to my laziness by now.

    marie – That was a pretty good rant.

    alexa – Of course you did, who wouldn’t?

    noelle – I’ll send him an email.

    bloodred – Sweet! We could start a joint blog from hell! And thanks.

    hollywood – I will. You wanna play bass?

    k8 – Sounds like it. I also avoided a dirty reply here – just so everyone knows.

    lissa – Exactly. It’s not worth it.

    kiala – That’s why you’re BFF’s. I can’t believe I just wrote that. I’m sorry.

    andy – Hahaha – that was awesome.

  37. it’s true. and i can never ever find the matching tops. that gets wicked annoying and then i end up throwing out the container, and hating myself for it.

  38. I wanted to read your post but I was too busy air drumming to In The Air Tonight

  39. I have to side with Ari here – it’s the PRINCIPLE of the matter, Chris. You don’t just throw shit out because it’s dirty. I mean, next time your pup rolls around on a dead fish are you just going to toss HIM out too?! HUH? ARE YOU?

  40. I’m going to record myself replicating all the best Phil Collins drum solos on Tupperware containers I’ll steal from the office fridge before I leave tonight.

  41. megkathleen

    I’m always throwing tupperware out and leaving it places. It’s because I am way too lazy to clean them. They’re just so cheap – I’d rather just replace them. This is a good illustration of how bad I am with money…

  42. If the container is gross enough that you can’t tell what food used to be contained within – garbage

    My mom will bleach out tupperware containers to reuse. I’d rather stick a fork in my eye then scrub moldy, crusty, gooey, sludge out of a $2 container.

  43. seriously matching the lids is the worst part, ever.

  44. Now, now, don’t lump us all in together on this one. I throw tupperware away all the time because I’m a) too lazy to wash something that’s been sitting forever or b) I don’t feel like toting my leftover lunch container home on the el in a plastic grocery bag (I have an irrational fear of being mistaken for a homeless woman, despite wearing heels and very 9to5-ey clothes).

    Sometimes I do feel guilty about throwing it away though because I’m secretly a great big tree hugger

  45. brookem – Don’t hate yourself, it’s a natural reaction.

    narm – That’s cool man, totally understandable.

    mindy – Maybe. Just maybe….

    justin – Best plan ever.

    megkathleen – You and I are alike in that way.

    alice – Damn! Your Mom took it a little too far.

    heartbreaker – Praise the lord!

    katelin – Yes!

    heather – Hahaha – I think it’s great that you have a fear of being confused for a homeless woman.

  46. That name is so weird that one CAN’T question its authenticity. Why would anyone make that up?!?

    Meh, it’s just Tupperware.

    I don’t really care because I know that someone will give me more as a gift (again!) at some point and I will have to try to act excited about it then.

    I can’t waste that excitement by getting worked up if some of it goes missing. Isn’t that the point of Tupperware– so you don’t have to give away/lose/accidentally squish your REAL bowls?!?

  47. “Woman! I bring you small tupperware! Now attend to my loins!” could possibly be a great album title if this album were written by Phil Collins.

  48. … And this is why I stick to the cheap-o tupperware or the glassware.

    I probably would have knifed you too.

  49. I’ve gotten in way too many disagreements about Tupperware. My ex disagreed with the clearly necessary entire cupboard dedicated to it, and my current boyfriend ruined all my Tupperware when I loaned it to him. It ALL smelled like tuna casserole. Boo.

  50. myr

    I, for one, hate those damn plastic containers. They’re always too big for my purse or too small for my bagel. Life is complicated!

  51. I’ve been in trouble with my mother so many times over the years for losing and leaving her tupperware and dishes places, I think it’s conditioned into me to act the same.

  52. I’m very impressed that you managed to have a train of thought jump from Phil Collins to Tupperware. I’ve never understood the whole “In the Air Tonight” hype either… seriously, that song is nothing for Phil Collins. I like Tupperware, but that stems from liking to be organized. It drives my partner crazy sometimes, but I love things to be all in their place and happy.

  53. i’ll be honest, i’m a girl and i hate tubberware. i think it’s because i was constantly yelled at for throwing it away at lunch in elementary school, but who honestly expects one to remember to take it home with you? i definitely avoid it at all costs. it’s either tin foil or a baggie. and usually, it’s a baggie. those you can throw away and not think twice about. or have someone yell at you for!

  54. JL

    Tupperware rocks because you can colour code your food. Red is for ham… blue is for fresh herbs… yellow is for… is for… wtf is yellow for? Who buys yellow tupperware? That freak’s a loser.

  55. eve

    All the way back at the start word perv said they had too many lids, I have too many bottoms.
    Is there a warp hole between our kitchen cupboards?
    Is this how tupperware works, either the lids or the bottoms leave so you have to buy more ?

  56. jen – Yes, I think it is.

    nico – Yes! You my friend, are A Thinker!

    mrstwink – Damn. That’s cold.

    princess – Mmmmm… tuna casserole….

    myr – Hahaha – life is fucking complicated, isn’t it?

    nicole – She get it from her mama! Sorry. I should know better than to ever quote Juvenile songs.

    phil – This is what I do. In The Air Tonight is vastly overrated.

    pass – I like the way you think.

    jl – I agree.

    eve – If there is a warp hole, you guys should meet up and solve your tupperware problems.

  57. Hey Surviving Myself,

    Patrick Bateman agrees…about Sussudio.

    Rock On,

    Aitch

  58. skcitygirl

    i actually kind of hate tupperware. ugh. plastic. it doesn’t dry in the dishwasher like the other things.

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