all good things

I leave the toilet seat up.

When the Steelers are playing, everything else ceases to matter.

I tend to forget about things that don’t involve me.

I firmly believe that if you do not like Robocop, there is something severely wrong with your soul.

I swear often, because nothing is more effective than a well placed “god fucking dammit!”

At dinner parties and Adult Gatherings, I can always be counted on to say at least three Inappropriate Things.

The only way I will not love my offspiring is if they do not love sports.  They will be dumped on the nearest street corner if they can’t tell me what a Cover 2 is by the time they’re five.

I yell about Things That Don’t Matter when I’m drunk.

I voice my opinion when it’s not wanted or asked for.

I have referred to my left and right fists as “deterrents to robbery.”

When a movie comes on HBO, and it lists “Nudity” as one of the things found in the feature, I get excited.

I wrestle with my dog by slamming him on the bed and pushing him around, then complain when he bites me every time he gets excited.

I like to judge first, then ask questions.

I often answer questions with, “I don’t know,” even when I do know, because I don’t feel like talking anymore.

When faced with Awkward Situations, I tend to act as immature as possible.

And somehow, after all of that – she still said yes.


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114 responses to “all good things

  1. Amy

    De-lurking to say congrats! (You should change your name to Mr. and Mrs. Dagger-Fist.)

  2. Congrats!!!

    May your wedding day (which would presumably fall into the “Adult Gathering” category) be the day that you do NOT say three inappropriate things. 🙂

  3. Ben

    Wait…WAIT…seriously? Engaged?

    HELLS YES! Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Surviving!

    That’s so freaking fantastic!

  4. yayyy! just saw it on her blog.. CONGRATULATIONS!

  5. Oh my gosh! Congrats! Yay Chris and Ari!

  6. P.S. Where is Ari’s blog, I want to read her side of the story because I am a girl and that is what girls do.

  7. Congrats!!! Is she going to start a “Surviving Surviving Myself” blog?

  8. Everyone judges first and asks questions later.

    They are liars if they say otherwise.

    We who admit to it are godly.


    And I doubt it was in spite of those things, I’m betting it was because of a lot of them.

  10. Matt



  11. awwww, congrats indeed!

  12. Congrats!! You should work your three Inappropriate Things into the vows. 😉

  13. JB

    Sending a big WOO HOO! your way! Congrats.

  14. longredcape

    Yay!!! Congratulations!

  15. Wohoooo!!!! Congratulations!!!!! 🙂

  16. Marcos

    Congrats and welcome to the club!

  17. KT

    Congrats! And I will disown my offspring if they are not athletes too. 🙂

  18. deutlich

    oh my goodness!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

  19. Yay! Congrats bro! xo

  20. If the night is coming to a close at the Adult Gathering and you’ve only said 2 inappropriate things… do you make it a point to say 1 more inappropriate thing?


  21. Congratulations SM 🙂 How exciting!

  22. I hate you. No congratulations. This just decreased the odds of having sex with you significantly. Go to hell.

  23. Congrats!!! Just remember, the wedding is just one day. The important thing is the marriage. 🙂

  24. ‘Cause, I know you’re getting all giddy about the wedding and already have your wedding planning book started.

  25. Congratulations! And I’m sure if your offspring don’t love sports you’ll learn to live with it.

  26. Yay!! Congratulations!! That’s wonderful!

    I can’t WAIT to hear how your wedding goes–inappropriate dialogue and all.

  27. If I find out I’m being the blog version of Punk’d I’m going to be very upset.

    With that said, congrats!! 🙂 I assume we’re all invited to the wedding…

  28. OMG! I was just reading Ari’s post while having breakfast and then, I choked.
    Congrats!! (Maybe you’ll get to wear your track suit on your wedding day).

  29. Pingback: taking care of business - Oh! How Lovely!

  30. A serious Congratulations is in order……….we want all the details, you know….date, time, location…you know…in case all of your readers want to come!

  31. congrats, you guys. That’s awesome 🙂

  32. It’s about fucking time.


  33. welcome to the club, I’ll send you your gift basket of vodka, gin, tequila, wine, Goldschlager, rum, Rumplemintz, and Jager. You will need ALL of it for wedding planning.

    Also, do NOT watch “Bridezilla”….don’t let her watch it either….

  34. OMG… you guys can finally do it!

  35. I hope you said all of that leading up to the proposal.
    Congratulations to both of you!

  36. Awww congratulations. Can we get a ring pic or what? I’m sorry, I’m vain like that.

    Seriously, that’s So Awesome.

  37. Pants

    Yay for yeses in spite of inappropriate things!

  38. Congrats.
    And if there is a bachelor party in the future, keep me posted. Cause I am so f’ing there.

  39. that’s awesome! congratulations! i have an idea for what undies you can wear on your wedding night!

    GO PATS!

  40. Congratulations!

    Does this mean you can finally have sex? I mean after the wedding, of course.

    Will she start a blog called “Surviving Him.”

    Awesome news! Best wishes!

  41. DUDE! Congrats 🙂

    Now you’ll have a whole myriad of other things to complain about re: wedding industrial complex. Color me stoked.

  42. hells to the yes!

    you guys are going to make beautiful babies.

    if you are in to that kinda stuff…

  43. Congrats to the both of you. May the wedding planning adventures commence!

  44. Congratulations! Get excited about planning the beast. The only good part?


  45. congrats to you both!

  46. OMG no way! NO WAY!! Congratulations. That is so super exciting. I’m looking forward to reading about the wedding planning from the male’s perspective.

  47. Ultima Dea

    Aww. I think congrats has been covered, so I’ll send a Best Wishes her way.

  48. GlitterGirl

    I got a chill reading the last line. Congratulations! That’s super cool.

  49. Woohoo, congrats! I predict the most ridiculous wedding of all time?

  50. I thought you guys were already married! Whoooooops.

  51. Awe congratulations!

  52. OHMYGOD.


    You’re both very lucky!

    All that and a Steelers mention!


  53. CONGRATS!!! I loved this post. I wish I could read her side of the story. Can she do a guest post?

    congrats again!!!

  54. You say innapropriate things at adult parties? I say them at kids parties. Wanna trade?

  55. Congratulations (you lucky bastard)!

  56. Yay congrats! I mean, if she’s stuck with you for this long, she’s gotta be meant for you, right? 🙂

  57. Jo

    Wooooooooo yeah! Wait…what’s the sound? Shhhhhitttttttttt…it’s the call of SENSIBILITY!



    Thanks so much for all the well-wishing. I am going to get tons of material from the wedding planning, which is really the only reason why I did it.

    No. It was because Ari is perfect.

    Thanks again guys!

  59. Aww, congratulations! ‘Til the “yes” part, I thought my boyfriend stole your blog, ha (except replacing Steelers with Panthers…).

    We’ve only been together 6 months though and I’m still merely saying yes to “care to go to dinner tonight” and “do you want to go to a party in my pants?”

  60. Fan fucking tastic! I really hope that your vows are written in short humorous stanzas.

  61. I didn’t see that one coming but congratulations!!! Plus I think I have more in common with you than i initially realised, lol! 🙂

  62. Congrats! That’s fabulous – now comes the planning!

  63. Maybe she said yes BECAUSE of all those, y’ever think about it that way? 😛

    I toast my coffee in congratulations to you!

  64. aw congrats chris! that’s so exciting 🙂

  65. You are going to be good at this marriage thing:

    “No. It was because Ari is perfect.”


  66. megkathleen

    So exciting! Congratulations!!

  67. 80 comments? I’m about to announce I’m getting married tomorrow. and then the next day and the next day.

    I like attention.

    But congrats, I say name your firstborn Jemima. Always loved that name.

  68. Is she out of her mind? I mean, congratulations!

  69. Just don’t turn into a daddy blogger any time soon. Congrats and stuff.

  70. first bri, now you.

    who will be the third blogger we know to get married? these things always happens in threes, so clearly someone else is do.

    you rule. now let’s get back to business.

  71. One pussy for the rest of your life! Woo woo! Guys who aren’t afraid of commitment make me smile 🙂

  72. Other than the sports things, which I just pretend aren’t there, I see nothing wrong with this list. Nothing at all.

    Welcome to the dark side, young man.
    We’ve been waiting for you.


    Congratulations, love! That is SO exciting!

    And you are sneaky.

    But we ALL love you!


    ♥ ♥

  74. Wonderful news! Is it weird to be so happy for complete strangers? Because I am!

  75. amandabtv

    Delurking to say congratulations, and the Steelers clearly rule all 🙂

  76. myr


    Not only did the NFL ask the Army to do security for them while in Canada, I get to watch the Steelers play while standing on the field!

    My goal is to get inside the changerooms after and share the pictures I will take mwahaha

  77. congratulations…..that. is. awesome.

  78. Steph

    Congrats! And now you know at least 94 different people read your blog. I’m glad it’s not April 1st.

  79. You have my permission to name your firstborn Mindy.
    You’re welcome.

  80. Larissa

    Wow, I was surprised! But extremely excited for you. I can’t wait to get a penis cake for Arielle!

  81. tia

    congrats!!! i’m so happy for you both.

    (and your list of attributes is awesome.)

  82. Goose

    Congratulations!! That’s awesome!

  83. I know, I already said so via twitter – but god damn. CONGRATULATIONS! THIS IS DAMNED EXCITING!

  84. WOW! This is supoibly exciting. A blogger’s wedding.

  85. OK that was the best way ever to announce an engagement on a blog. All undercover surpise style. It gave me the chills and I was smiling and I don’t even know you. I’m going to go ahead and blame the PMS for that…
    Anyway, congrats!

  86. DDG


    so happy I am not your child. My dad used to throw balls at me, you know, for the whole atletic-sport-development-thing? I ignored him. Even at the curious age of Very Little, I did not care for throwing balls. I usually scurried off with my big diper-butt to go and find a book for him to read to me. I’m still adorable though.

  87. JL

    Please say three inappropriate things at the wedding! It’s the best place for them. And it’s strange that dogs do that no matter how many times you say, “shit, I was just playing! WTF is the wrong with you dawg?!”. And congrats.

  88. Echidnagirl

    Wonderful news. Best wishes. Now if only you can both survive the wedding. Just kidding. 🙂

  89. The Steelers are freaking AWESOME, and I can’t wait till I’m back in Pittsburgh in two weeks and for the start of the season.

    And, I used to get called “Robocop” in 8th grade because I had dislocated my knee and had to walk around with the hugest knee brace, and I walked like a robot.

  90. meagank

    congratulations! where’s a pic of the ring? i want to see the goods!

  91. ahhh! im so freaking out right now! i’m so happy for you guys. /end sappy comment.

  92. yay! congratulations 🙂

  93. Congratulations. That is great news. Best wishes.

    and I don’t like Robocop so I’m dead inside I guess.

  94. I want to type the word “adorable,” but I don’t think that doesn’t seem like a word that I should know. Plus, dudes who aren’t in Dashboard don’t really talk like that, so I’ll say, “Congrats!” and “Better you than me!” and then weep alone into a Redskins foam #1 finger that just reminds me I may be number one, but I’m still (sob) just (sob) one.

  95. I shall now declare all sorts of loud random noises in jubilations, like yyyyaaaayyyy and woooooo!

  96. Congratulations! Don’t be a groomzilla.

    And can we please see a pic of the ring?

  97. ML

    a) congratulations

    b) fuck yeah, Steelers.

  98. jim

    My name is not Jim. Nor JimBob. You will not find me. You are a sellout. Be glad you like sports. Ari do not believe his lies.

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