I leave the toilet seat up.
When the Steelers are playing, everything else ceases to matter.
I tend to forget about things that don’t involve me.
I firmly believe that if you do not like Robocop, there is something severely wrong with your soul.
I swear often, because nothing is more effective than a well placed “god fucking dammit!”
At dinner parties and Adult Gatherings, I can always be counted on to say at least three Inappropriate Things.
The only way I will not love my offspiring is if they do not love sports. They will be dumped on the nearest street corner if they can’t tell me what a Cover 2 is by the time they’re five.
I yell about Things That Don’t Matter when I’m drunk.
I voice my opinion when it’s not wanted or asked for.
I have referred to my left and right fists as “deterrents to robbery.”
When a movie comes on HBO, and it lists “Nudity” as one of the things found in the feature, I get excited.
I wrestle with my dog by slamming him on the bed and pushing him around, then complain when he bites me every time he gets excited.
I like to judge first, then ask questions.
I often answer questions with, “I don’t know,” even when I do know, because I don’t feel like talking anymore.
When faced with Awkward Situations, I tend to act as immature as possible.
And somehow, after all of that – she still said yes.