This morning at the gym I had a revelation: I am not a big fan of people.
I’ve always kind of known this, but as I was busy acting like I knew what I was doing with this weird benchpress-like thingy, I heard this guy grunting extremely loud as he lifted a dumbbell – and at that moment I thought to myself, “Man, people really just piss me off.”
The thing about this guy was that his grunting was not just the normal kind of grunting. He was yelling and I could hear it over the Belinda Carlisle playing on my iPod, and one thing you never do, you never – ever – get in the way of me and my Belinda Carlisle.
I put my music on pause to take in the full scene, and it got better when I actually saw him, because he was exactly what I was expecting.
He had a weight belt on, some loose at the top, tapered at the bottom cotton pants, a neon green tank top that did not cover his nipples because it was so small and he was sucking on a lollipop.
A fucking lollipop!
You could tell he thought the lollipop was what the ladies really loved about him, because he kept taking it out and looking around, then putting it back in his mouth as he bobbed his mullet-covered head to his music.
And then of course, there was the grunting.
Every time he lifted the wieght, veins popped out of places that I don’t think you’re supposed to have veins and he would let out a “Yeeeaaaargh!!!”
I really just don’t fucking care for people who do that.
There is no need for grunting that loud. If you have to grunt that loud, surprise! That means the weight is too heavy for you!
No one cares that you can lift an 85 pound dumbbell – because you’re not even doing it right! If you were you wouldn’t look like your head was about to explode while you were doing it.
It just doesn’t make any sense.
I watched the stupid fuck for about ten minutes, and then went back to my workout.
I was glad he came along because maybe I would never have realized that I really don’t like people.
Although I’m willing to bet I would have figured it out eventually.