The Internet is down at work and I’m posting this from my phone.
This is going to be a very long day. I might keep a live blog going of my adventure.
Or maybe I’ll just take my life.
Tell Beyonce I love her and I forgive her for keeping our wild, lusty romance a secret.
10:41 – Decided not to take my own life. I remembered I like beer too much to do that. Also, just got finished playing Hangman on the whiteboard here. The subject was “tv shows,” so I made mine Thunder Cats. When someone guessed it right, I yelled out, “Hoooh!!!” for dramatic effect. Not sure if my coworkers got that I was referencing Lion O, because I laughed and no one else did.
11:05 – There’s supposed to be an electrician coming in about half an hour. This, according to building worker Jose, who one time laughed at me when I told him the elevator wasn’t working. I don’t have much faith in Jose.
11:26 – Just had our first breakdown. The guy next to me whirled his chair around and proclaimed, “Alright! I’m going outside. I’m going to stand outside. And watch people.” Before I could say anything he was gone. I hope he comes back some day, he was a nice guy.
12:07 – My boss sent one guy home because his computer won’t turn on at all. The rest of us just stared at him as he walked out. It was so quiet in here when it happened, I think I heard my soul die.
12:46 – I’m going to sit in the park for lunch, because the level of conversation is quickly declining. Two friends and I just finished one which ended in someone saying, “I’d be a great dog.” We looked at each other and, after a moment of awkward laughter, decided maybe not talking for awhile is a good idea.
1:50 – At lunch a man approached me and mumbled something that I couldn’t understand. When I asked him to repeat himself, he said, “Do you believe in god?” I glared at him and replied, “No.” He was stunned and backed up from me, as if maybe – just maybe – I was satan. Right then a woman he was with came up to me and started to ask the same thing, but I interrupted her by waving my hands in her face and saying, “Aaaaaaahhh – no! Go away now.” They both left my life as quickly as they entered it. I’m still wondering if I’m satan. If I am I’m going to have to make sure there’s air conditioning set-up for when I get to hell.
2:33 – I just filled my water bottle up with water from the cooler (which has no power to it now) and it is neither hot nor cold. It is tepid. I thought about this for about ten to fifteen minutes. I believe that people who say/type the word “tepid” probably suck, so I’m not going to use it anymore.
3:42 – The last hour consisted of Jose convincing me that he could vacuum the water up, my boss telling us that we could leave and then promptly changing her mind and me playing 13 games of pinball on my computer. I have a little less than two hours to go. My body remains strong but my mind is weakening.
3:57 – The “water” that I was talking about in the last update is water that had leaked from the ceiling and onto the floor behind my desk. Jose’s vacuuming trick did not work. I am now looking forward to the mold that will eventually form, then give me a respiratory ailment which years from now will kill me. And it will have all started with a man named Jose.
4:21 – The Internet is back on! I am typing this from my nice computer, instead of my moody iPhone. The first thing I did was check my work email to see if Beyonce emailed me. She did, but she wanted me to tell you that she didn’t. I’m such a gossip!