two worlds

This morning when I took Jack out to pee, I saw a hooker standing across the street from me and when she noticed me she smiled and said, “Good morning.”

I nodded and mumbled “Good morning” back, but it struck me that my definition of a Good Morning and her definition of a Good Morning are probably pretty different.

At that point in my day, a good start to me means that I got Jack to piss right away, I caught all the highlights I wanted to see on Sportscenter and I didn’t curse the heavens when I was trying to get my tie to cooperate.

For the hooker, I imagine it’s a slightly varied version.

In fact, for a hooker to have a Good Morning, it means that she had a Good Night, because that’s when all the action happens.

It must have meant that she got at least three guys to have sex with her, and maybe if she was lucky it was all at once – much more time efficient.

After that was done, she probably had some time to kill, so maybe she made a visit to the local crack dealer and got high while listening to The Beach Boys or something relaxing like that.

Then, feeling good and feeling fine, she probably roughed up the new girl on the block just to let her know “who the real bitch is.”

So when she finally ran into me, with my half open eyes and t-shirt on backwards, she probably thought I needed something to lift my spirits, thus the cheery greeting.

And even now, I bet her day is going better than mine, because I’m here at work and she’s probably passed out on the sidewalk somewhere, not a care in the world.

Well, aside from worrying about when she’s going to have sex with a random person for money again, but c’mon – who who hasn’t been there before?


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39 responses to “two worlds

  1. Ben

    I’d like to know what real city hookers look like. Our’s are all 50+ which just isn’t right to me. I don’t think they ever have good mornings.

  2. deutlich

    I wonder what this chick looks like too. No pic?

  3. oh what i wouldn’t give to be passed out on the sidewalk without a care in the world this very minute

  4. Miz

    um. wow. One more reason why I ❤ NYC.

  5. Hmm. Her day vs. a day in the office. Which is better? Tough call.

  6. “I needed something to lift my spirits”… True. And maybe the greeting was the start to something she thought you would need.

    You know, just saying.

  7. Ah, hookers. reminds me of the time I almost got arrested in downtown Pittsburgh with Doug Carlino and John Scullion for solicitation of a prostitute. What a night. Beer, the Ramada, hiding from the cops in a hobo commune underneath an overpass, and a pimp named Dave. Not sure where your brother was that night. man, i miss 1996.

  8. Well hell. I’ve never been there before. Ha. 🙂

  9. I think I’d like to spend a few hours in your head someday. I love that you had all these thoughts running around up there before 9am. It really impresses me.

  10. Must not have been too good for her if she was still turnin’ tricks after dawn. My bitches betta have my money by 4.

  11. Take pictures. And then post. Make sure to walk out with your camera when you take Jack for his everyday pee-pee.

  12. Is it wrong that I’m jealous of the aforementioned hooker, just cos she got laid last night?


  13. This woman was nice enough to say “Good Morning” to you and you find it necessary to tear her apart?

    I think it’s obvious, “who the real bitch is.”

  14. Whenever I say hi to a hooker, I first point to my groinage and say, “I’m good”.

  15. Oh shit, it must have been a crazy night for me, I have no idea how I ended up outside your house…..

    Wait, you thought I was a hooker??!!

  16. meagank

    I live in an area of Portland that is chalk full of hookers. In fact, we put our old couch outside with a sign that said “free” [because white trash people love free couches] and we didn’t think anything of it when the couch was gone.

    We realized two days later, while walking our dog, that someone had placed said couch against the fence in our alley — hookers use it with their Johns.

    Sigh. The life of a working girl. Just be glad you were probably the first man she’s said hello to in the last five years that hasn’t responded “How much?”

  17. megkathleen

    Hmmm…I can’t imagine she had a good morning. Shouldn’t she have been high already?

  18. ben and deutlich – They are all pretty gross, some have nicer hair than others.

    jenny – I know!

    miz – It gives you something new every day.

    megan – For me it’s an easy call, especially when there’s no internet.

    andy – That’s a good point. I need that most moments of my life.

    jay – Sounds like he missed out on one hell of a night.

    ashley – Well consider yourself lucky.

    stealth – I try.

    justin – That’s why your business is thriving!

    marie – I don’t think she would’ve liked that, she might’ve even sent her pimp after me.

    kali – Nope, not wrong at all.

    jade – I know. Jack can be such a diva in the morning! The stories I could tell you girl!

    zibbs – Good idea.

    ari – Jack is gonna be mad.

    inreallife – Well shit, I just wasn’t prepared for the clear heels.

    meagan – I am glad, that’s a good point.

    megkathleen – That’s true. I’ll ask her next time if she is.

    holly – I’m waiting.

  19. hahaha @ari.

    that is all.

  20. gheezus. where do you live. I have to drive at least twenty minutes to see a hooker.

  21. An unexpectedly uplifting story.

    This comment sounds like a movie review.

  22. idontliketoread

    hey, what corner was the hooker on, I’m getting outta work early

  23. Red

    If night’s when _all_ the action happens, I’d suggest you branch out. Although it probably means you’re not a drunk like my ex-boyfriend. He was usually in the mood in the morning; by the end of a night out he was often too drunk to make it happen.

  24. What’s the first thing you do when you get up in the morning?

    Go home.

  25. Damn hookers have all the luck. I bet they NEVER have to worry about time entry.

  26. Matt

    Everyone listens to the beach boys while smoking crack…

    It really sets the mood.

  27. I always try to think about what life might me like for others-different walks of life and whatnot-but I think you’ve got me beat.

  28. You never know, she might ENJOY doing what she does. People do it for free, after all. At least she gets PAID for it . . .

  29. rs – She’s a funny woman – that’s why I love her.

    mspuddin – Brooklyn. But usually they aren’t right around our building, for some reason they ventured down from a few blocks away.

    nico – It was! Thanks Ebert. Or wait, whichever one is still alive.

    idont – Monroe and Classon.

    red – I’m a night person for sure. Morning breath? No thanks.

    noelle – I don’t get it.

    narm – Never.

    matt – I think that’s what they had in mind when they made most of their songs.

    heather – I doubt it, I just have too much time on my hands.

    paula – Very good point.

  30. you have to wear a tie to work?

  31. That was no hooker…
    Just a single mom looking for her Baby Daddy…..

  32. Albuquerque has some interesting hookers, let me tell you. One I know of used to hang out at the university all the time. She chain-smoked a lot and I think had some kind of STD (or STI) that caused a loss of a good chunk of her sanity. And there was another I saw one day when I was at a college swing dancing function; she was there with her two kids. Seriously, the hooker life ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  33. Was it Julia Roberts? Did you get to meet Richard Gere?!?

  34. Hell, we’d all like strangers to pay us for sex – that’s what makes us human.

  35. Sid

    I’m sure the your spirits weren’t the only thing that the hooker was hoping to upligt. Also how did you know she was a hooker? She give you a business card? Maybe she was just dressed really badly?

  36. between the hookers and the subway rides, you have the greatest mornings.

    It would’ve been a little bit cooler if Jack pissed on the hooker.

  37. or her hooker life could be like Julia Robert’s in Pretty Woman.! Ever think of that? She just left a bubble bath and whipped cream covered strawberries at the ritz when she then saw you. Duh.

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