oh yes, it will be good

There are times in a person’s life when he must go against what he believes to be right – when he must turn to the world and scream, “Yes, you may judge me – but I am doing this despite your challenges!”

It is these times, these moral wrestling matches, that make us who we are.

Perhaps it was that time you decided that turtlenecks were okay to wear in public, or maybe it was when you tried desperately to bring back “rad,” even though all of your friends stopped hanging out with you as a consequence.

You hear the whispers.

You see the stares.

Oh how they talk!

Oh how they stare!

But you press on.  You press on because who are they to tell you your behavior is deplorable?  Have they not sinned???  Were they not the ones who told you Paris Hilton’s album was worth buying?

Yes, you know them well.

And that is why you steel yourself to their disapproval.

You will do what you must because the end result will bring you much happiness.  You do this because every second of it will make you smile.

Yes, your decision is rash.  Yes, your decision is confusing.  But not to you.  In your heart you know that after all the smoke clears and the dust settles, you will be a better person for having gone through with it.

When I heard that Kim Kardashian was going to be on the next Dancing With The Stars, I knew this was one of those times for me.

I will watch her, not because it is something I want to do, because it is something I must do.

When the world asks me why, I will not offer a complex reason.

I will not utter some intellectual comeback.

Instead I will laugh at their foolishness, hand them this picture and calmly explain, “Ass so fat you can see it from the front.”

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42 Comments

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42 responses to “oh yes, it will be good

  1. Hell, I’m a straight woman and I want to see that ass dance!

  2. chrisy

    word. i bet she’ll do some jennifer lopez/selena-esque, salsa-like, ass-shaking shit, too.

  3. I plan on watching it on mute and adding circus music to the background.

  4. Listen. I’m opening up here and I’m scared but like you said, it must be done. I LIVE AND BREATHE FOR “KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS”. There. I’ve owned up to it. This may be the first season I watch Dancing With The Stars. And I’ve got the ridiculousness that is “Kardashian” as my reason.

  5. Pants

    I’ve never been a Dancing With the Stars watcher…but I might like to watch her ass from the front.

  6. I’m a girl. And straight. And all I have to say here is dang she’s hot!

  7. Might have to watch DWTS (is it ok to shorten it like that? I’m not a regular watcher so maybe that’s like kyboshed or something?)

    If only to see how she manages not to topple over while dancing!

    She’s hot.

  8. Alright. I’m sold. I wasn’t sure what the big deal was with the Kardashian thing, but I get it now.

  9. Do you mean phat or fat? Because I need to know whether to be offended and begin dieting immediately or take a picture of my own booty and put it on the internet.

  10. deutlich

    that chick really does have one faaaaaaaaaantastic ass.

  11. I was so excited when I heard she’d be on it.

  12. Matt

    What was this post about again?

    Somehow I forgot…all I see it light blue.

  13. Well, it is weird that someone who isn’t latin has that ass. Believe me, I’m latin and we’re all incredulous that God gives someone who isn’t Latin that ass.

    No fair. No fair.

  14. being an assman for as long as I can remember, I have recently begun building my shrine to Kim Kardashian somewhere in the New York harbor. that, and I stare at naked pictures of her on the internet each morning while i tell my better-half that i am working on poems and a new book. had i not kicked my tv in during a bad scotch drunk, i would be watching the show too. but, alas, we do what we must

  15. There is this girl who works at Whole Foods who looks like a lost Kardashian.

    I secretly love her.

  16. I’m totally jealous of her ass. Not even going to pretend I’m not.

    But her toe!! Her dancing toe got injured. I hope it doesn’t screw her over.

  17. I support you.

    And for the record, I still rock “rad”. Stares and funny looks be damned.

  18. yeah, I’d hit it and I’m straight.

  19. i love kim kadarshian….i am not ashamed to admit it.

    i am also not ashamed to admit that i am trying to bring back the word “huzzah”.

  20. Did you hear that?

    That was me losing what little respect I had for you….

    please ignore the fact that I may sneak a peek at the show to see if she takes out her partner with that thing….

    😉

  21. “..famous for having a big ass and a sex tape.”

  22. dutchess – Exactly!

    Chrissy – Oh hell yes.

    narm – Sounds like a good plan to me man.

    stealth – Hahaha – Yes! Come out and admit it! Kim’s sister is hot too. Not the one who got arrested recently, the other one.

    pants – You will not be disappointed.

    marie – Oh yes she is.

    alice – If she falls over her skirt might come up, so that’s not really a bad thing.

    megan – I have changed a life!

    melissa – Pictures please.

    deutlich – Dear lord it’s beautiful.

    nicole – You’re an ass woman too huh?

    matt – Nothing important.

    cruz – Of course you are – you’re alive.

    andy – But you should embrace her and her assets!

    jay – Any ass man does the exact same thing as you.

    kiala – Lucky!

    bloodred – I know – I hear she’s toughing it out though. She’s such an inspiration. I’d like to see Phelps top that!

    melissa – You must do what you think is best.

    mspuddin – I love these comments!

    dmb5 – Good luck with that.

    inreallife – Oh I know you’ll be watching.

    todd – That’s two perfectly good reasons to me.

  23. Ok, seriously: what is it with men and asses? WHY do you love them so? I DON’T get it! Explain it to me! PLEASE.

  24. meagank

    I. Love. Kim.
    I. Love. Her. Family.
    I. Will. Watch.

  25. Kim Kardashian is born on the same exact day as me.

    God she’s hot.

  26. She is unbelievably hot. Like beyond normal hot– I’m not sure there’s even a word for what she is.

  27. Her ass defies gravity. It freaks me out but it pulls me in… strange.

  28. it was a calling. i heard it, too. i MUST watch Dancing With The Stars this season because of her

  29. i don’t actually watch the show …but I’m going to start now.

  30. 1) Major major props for quoting Mos Def, Ms. Fat Booty!!! Efffing Classic!

    B) I will be watching that right too… cuz. uhm. yeah!

    III) Note to self: Remember to give my 2 turtle neck sweaters away to Salvation Army.

  31. I don’t even know who the hell that girl is, but she DOES have some ass on her . . .

  32. megkathleen

    I hope for your sake that she didn’t injure her toe so badly that she can’t dance.

    I’ll be rooting for Cloris Leachman – I like to cheer for the oldies.

  33. mindy – I don’t really have an explanation, but if you have some booty be happy with it and share it with the world. Or maybe just your boyfriend.

    meagan – That’s. The. Spirit.

    rs – You should get to have sex with her! I think she’d agree.

    maxie – There are no words.

    twink – Strange but oh so good.

    raych – Yes!

    lovemeagan – You will love it. And her.

    mental – Yes, I love that song and that entire album.

    paula – Google her and learn to love her.

    megkathleen – She’ll dance dammit – she promised!

  34. Hmmm….
    So much to comment on here.
    But I’ll avoid unpleasantries and instead ask: So is it not cool to wear turtlenecks in public? Damn.

  35. AHAHAHAHA!!!
    I saw Kim when I was eating at Ago and I could NOT take my eyes off that ASS!
    It needs it’s own mofo zip code, it’s truly unbelievable!

  36. Lookit dat.

    That’s all I’ll say.

  37. I want to see that trunk shake all that junk. Could bounce a quarter off that ass.

  38. It’s not cool to say “RAD” anymore?

    Why didn’t anyone tell me?

    No wonder I don’t have any friends…

  39. Also, you should come to my work on volunteer day. You can sit with the old ladies and talk about the show.

    They HEART the show.

  40. Man, I’m a girl but I totally wanna grab that thing. Is that wrong?

  41. myr

    haha Nice quote to end the post.

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