Listen up everyone – I’ve got great news: West Nile is back!
That’s right! You remember back in 1999 when it first struck unnecessary fear into the hearts of millions of Americans right? Well if you don’t, now is your time to shine!
I was just reading the Times and they are reporting that a 75 year-old man from Long Island died from the disease yesterday.
So have at it.
Whoever is next to you right now, turn to them and start talking about the good ol’ Nile. Try and make it sound like they could get it at any moment: “You know, I have noticed some mosquitos near the coffee machine. You go there a couple times a day right?”
If there’s no one around for you to talk to, first – why don’t you have any friends, you loser? and second send emails out to some people and alert them that The Nile is coming for them! Right now! And their dog!
With West Nile striking fear back into our hearts, we can now brush aside things that we should be worried about and focus all of our energy on a virus that we’ll most likely never contract.
Having a hard time paying the bills? Forget ’em! You might get West Nile and then what would bills matter?
And I haven’t even started to talk about how lucky you are if you get sick any time soon.
Got the sniffles? West Nile it is!
Nagging cough? You’re going to die for sure!
Still think Margaret Cho is funny? That’s just The Nile talking silly!
Just when I thought my life could not be more boring and lackluster, West Nile Virus has knocked on my door and greeted me with a big smile.
The only way today could get any better is if I get bit by a mosquito during lunch. I’d run through the streets, screaming at the top of my lungs “I gots the West Nile!!! I gots the West Nile!!!” Then I’d try to sneeze on someone close to me, just to make his day, too.
(I’m won’t be around tomorrow, but I have a guest blogger lined up that will knock your socks off. Or maybe just make you laugh so much your feet get hot and you take them off yourself. Either way, please come by tomorrow and enjoy one of my favorite bloggers ever.)