play-by-play

God, it is so great to be here in New York. On Chris’ blog. In New York. The new York internets are so much more sophisticated than the ones we have in Portland, Oregon. And also…ruder. But I digress.

Hello! I’m Kiala from Face of the Cookie. Exciting right? I’m all famous and shit.

Okay yes, that is not true but I like to say it outloud to other people besides myself whenever possible and especially on the webospheres because it sounds super legit.

And look – I’m even doing those one line sentence zinger thingies Chris does! It’s like he’s still here with us. Please don’t tell him I went through his medicine cabinet.

Anyhadoodle. I have a topic and I would very much like to topicalize on it with you fine Surviving Myself Peoples.

The topic for today is: Kiala Explains Sports

Sports are a game wherein many people (men, mostly…let’s be honest) rub their parts on each other until someone in charge wearing stripes yells at them and then everyone drinks beer. A lot of other things happen in between like online shopping, Jezebel reading, and makeup application but…whoa….wait. Okay sorry, I somehow cut and pasted my Google Calendar in there.

Moving on!

Dudes in matching colors go to war with each other over “turfs” and “bidznass” and “enz” and then Ice T says he is a nightmare walking, psychopath talking,
King of his jungle just a gangster stalking and they multiply. Colors.

Okay, I guess I don’t really get sports. Sorry.

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20 Comments

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20 responses to “play-by-play

  1. Watching football is like watching gay porn. Not that I watch football or anything.

  2. At least in football the pants are tight

    So you can watch the tight end

    See what I did there?!

  3. Us men just use sports as an excuse to get away from our girlfriends. We really not that into it either. Oh, Damn… I’ve said too much!

  4. Melissa- I thought football WAS gay porn. I’m confused.

    Justin- gentrifiteabaggingilization.

    Ask Alice – I did see what you did there! Smart!

    Mentalthreesixty – Too late. I’ve cc’d your comment to Cosmopolitan HQ.

  5. Kiala: It is. With uniforms. Even sexier.

  6. the important part is that you understand Ice T. he was the original gangsta afterall, or as we call him in my “hood” an O.G., or that very scary black man.

  7. i love sports! one of the few girls…hot sweaty men chasing after balls…..waaaait a second…..

  8. But if we didn’t have sports Will Ferrel wouldn’t have anything to make movies about!

  9. deutlich

    unless it’s hokie football, I don’t usually pay attention

  10. Matt

    Sports are very gang related…

    recognize

  11. megkathleen

    Kiala you are sooooo smart. That is exactly what sports are about: men rubbing their parts against each other.

  12. Yes, this is EXACTLY what sport is . . . isn’t it???

  13. Good call. Football is men in tights jumping each other. That’s probably gayer than the gayest porn out there. That should mean that I probably should be watching football, but my gay personality is such that I just can’t get into it.

  14. Well, in European soccer they tap each other’s ass. Which can be hot. Or just weird.

  15. I don’t get sports either. It all seems really gay to me too. I mean all that naked romping and toweling off and massaging that goes on in the locker room?

    G.A.Y.

    I wish those sports guys would just admit that they’d rather just hold hands and make sweet, sweet man love than chase one another around the court or field or whatever.

  16. Hockey is too cold for substantial rubbage, so they use sticks as phallic replacements.

  17. I believe we have the same Google Calender.

  18. Hi 🙂 I just wanted to let you know that I recommended your blog on my Blog Day 2008 list: http://freeandflawed.com/2008/08/31/blog-day-2008/

  19. JL

    I’m confused… what is this “sports” you speak of? And the striped guy? The mechanization of his malfunctioning striped suit completely elude me… oh. Wait. This doesn’t make sense anymore.

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