please hang up and try again

I think I pretty much have the technological world figured out.

I know.

It’s not very apparent on my blog because the layout of this thing is about as interesting as a Creed reunion, but the only reason that it’s lame is because I’m lazy.

As far as other things, like TVs and phones and that kind of stuff, I have it down pat.  I even have the iPhone, which although it works only about three percent of the time, is about as technologically advanced as phones get.

Some people, though, still don’t get technology.

I don’t really fault them for it, because sometimes gadgets can be frustrating and really, people who don’t get technology are extremely entertaining.

My favorite is the guy who speaks into his cell phone like the person he’s talking to is actually inside his phone.

You know what I’m talking about, we’ve all seen them.  And every time it’s a sight to behold.

The person holding the phone always has a puzzled look on his face.  He’s staring at the phone – held at arms length – listening intently and all the while looking like someone just asked him to explain why some people are Republicans.

Then, when it’s his turn to speak, he of course screams his reply into the phone.  He doesn’t hold the phone to his ear, he just holds the mic part close to his mouth and shouts about how “Mary never knows when to shut her mouth!”

I never understand this part, but it’s what happens every time.

To me, if you’re convinced the person you’re talking to really is stuck in your phone, whispering is really the better strategy.  Why yell at the person crammed into Tiny Phone World when there is no doubt he’s already annoyed at being stuck in there in the first place? His TV must be the size of a grain of rice, yelling at him won’t get you anywhere.

But that’s what people do.

They yell, then hold the phone way back and wait for the man stuck in there to yell back, which of course he does because he’s pissed at them for yelling at him.

I wonder sometimes if I should explain to these people that there really isn’t a man in their phone and maybe they should consider just writing a letter instead of acting like an idiot, but I never do.

It’s much more fun to sit back, make fun of them in my head and then blog about it the next day.

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41 Comments

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41 responses to “please hang up and try again

  1. deutlich

    wait.. did you just make fun of other people who are technologically un-inclined?

  2. Ben

    My favourite is when my granddad tries to have a conversation with my voicemail message, gets confused, drops an F bomb, and then hangs up.

    It pleases me.

  3. In his defense, Mary’s inability to shut her damn mouth is pretty out of control, so maybe he just lost himself in the moment.

  4. Quit making fun of me. I mean it. Stop.

    Just because I wasn’t wearing makeup doesn’t mean you can call me a Man, mister smarty-pants.

  5. This is how all people over the age of 60 talk on their cell phones. I don’t want them to stop, it’s entertaining.

    Also….Can you take me high-ya?!

  6. Those things are all made in like Japan and South Korea and Finland. Maybe the little guy in the phone is a foreigner? You know how dumb foreigners are. You HAVE to yell at them to get ’em to understand you.

  7. My dad is this person. I swear to god when I finally convinced him to buy a computer it took a good 30 minutes to teach him how to double-click the mouse. I really cannot fathom why the concept was so hard to grasp, but you’d think I was trying teaching a 7-year-old particle physics, for chrissakes.

  8. I am totally brilliant at using my very plain, basic cell phone. I figured out how to use the text messaging only two weeks ago and I’m already getting really fast at it now and can type a 3 word sentence in under 10 minutes!

    I’m almost ready for my iphone.

  9. My mom definitely knows how to leave a message but she usually starts out with, “Marie…Marie…uh” then proceeds to say what she needs to say. Like I MAY just answer her if she keeps calling out my name. I love it. Cracks me up every time.

  10. Your story made me think of “Horton Hears a Who”

    From now on, pretend the guy is talking to a tiny Steve Carell, it’ll be more entertaining

  11. Every time I call my mom’s cell, I hear her telling some poor checker at Trader Joes “This damn phone. It says its on hold. How do I? Shit. Hmm…”

  12. Oh man. That’s dead on. Also “maybe they should consider just writing a letter instead of acting like an idiot” is going to be the advice I dole out all the time now. So, thanks.

  13. I pretend that once the toast is in the toaster it comes to life. So I talk to it.

  14. my mom likes to think voicemail is me answering the phone and not talking back. she will leave a 10 minute “conversation” on my phone and wonders why i no longer listen to her messages.

  15. Being stuck inside a phone would be like being chained to a “magic fingers” bed – every once in awhile that thing just vibrates to all hell and you are left unsatisfied.

  16. I want to say that i read the entire blog today…and i think i did. but really, you had me at Creed Reunion. Dag, first the NKOTB and now Creed. If only the world would let Gavin Rosedale re-essemble Bush. I mean i’m sure we can only dream of an LFO reunion.

  17. Oh, that’s me totally. I set the ringer volume last night instead of turning it off. I’m smart like that.

  18. Last thanksgiving, my grandmother was amazed to see how well I handle a PC. Mind you, I was only checking my email.

    Technologically challenged ppl are HILARIOUS, and make me feel like a super hero!

  19. My favorite is the guy that still uses a pager.

  20. I really hope there isn’t a Creed reunion. Ever.

  21. I prefer the techno savvy people for my entertainment. Those folks who walk around talking into a tiny ear piece and look insane. Chattering away in the grocery store, apparently talking to a box of Special K.

  22. deutlich – Uh, yeah. Hahaha

    ben – Sounds like most old dudes out there.

    pistols – It’s true, she just runs her fucking mouth all day long.

    whiskey – That was you? But I thought you only wore your Motley Crue cut-off t-shirt on laundry days?

    dmb5 – To a place blah, blah, blah…

    justin – Of course! Maybe it’s that 11 year-old gymnast from the China team.

    falwless – Did you have to press his finger down on the thing? Parents can be tiresome.

    kristen – I’d love to get a text from you.

    marie – Hahaha – that is awesome. You should answer once just to freak her out.

    inreallife – I will.

    megan – Hahaha – the poor people she complains to just sit there, like “Hurry up lady.”

    stealth – Sweet!

    zibbs – Then you eat it and it cries inside of you.

    erin – My Mom does the same thing!

    narm – What the hell is a magic fingers?

    jay – You know Gavin has been trying, it’s just his other band mates are telling him, “Dude, our music was pretty good, your lyrics just really fucking suck.”

    melissa – Nice! I bet Steve loved you for that.

    mental – Man, I love feeling better than people.

    rs – Hit me up on my box!

    lauren – You and me both.

    hollywood – That’s true. They can be much more fun. Your idea is better than mine.

  23. Goose

    I was talking with a friend the other day, who does on campus support. He was putting in another 16 hour day helping people connect in their dorm.

    “A girl had Cap’n Crunch in her printer.”

    “You’re joking…”

    “Hell no!”

    They get dumber every year man…

  24. I’d like to be inside my phone. It’s so pretty.

  25. Hilarious! I am diggin’ your blog!

  26. i used to leave my mom voicemails on her phone and she’d never call me back. one day i got so pissed and yelled at her to which she informed me “whenever i turn my phone on it tells me i have voicemails but i don’t know how to check it so i just shut it off”
    that’s a great use of $30 a month

  27. My niece’s dad was on the phone when she was at my parents one time. She literally looked like she thought he was IN the phone. It was hilarious to watch.

    She’s 11 months old – what are these people’s excuses?

  28. I think what you’re trying to say is this: Old people are dumb.

    Am I right? It’s ok, I think that too.

  29. k8

    I like the weird looks they give their phones when they beep or they get call waiting and then just hang it up and reopen it like a billionty times believing that will fix it.

  30. He’s right though. Mary is quite the blabbering bitch.

  31. i will not become that person, eva.

  32. goose – Oh man. I wonder: Peanut Butter or regular? If they weren’t PB, then I have no respect for that person.

    noelle – What color is your couch?

    alison – Thanks!

    jenny – Hahaha – oh yes it is.

    alice – I have no idea.

    mindy – The person who inspired this post wasn’t even old, but if yo hate old people I’m proud of you.

    k8 – That’s classic.

    jenn – You know her too?

    katelin – I pray that I won’t either.

  33. Pants

    Although I haven’t seen it for myself, I’m pretty sure that’s how McCain would use a cell phone…if he even knows HOW to use a cell phone.

  34. My favorite is my grandma trying to dial. That’ hilarious. She says her fingers are too big to be able to press the “numbers”.

    Oh, and try getting her to read SMS. Mission Impossible but worse.

  35. If a Creed reunion happened I would commit suicide.

  36. OMG, Creed, ack, one of the few bands I truly, truly hate. Thanks for speaking out against them even if that wasn’t the point of your post at all.

  37. Jesus does hate Creed, and so do I.
    My goal in life is to push Scott Stapp off a cliff when he is posing with flowing hair in the wind.

  38. i may have done the speaking inside the phone thing once or twice. but i KNOW i had a really good reason to do so.

  39. nancypearlwannabe

    Dude, try working in a place where typewriters are the pinnacle of technology.

  40. My mo mthinks her phone is a walkie-talkie. First she talks into it, holding it right in front of her mouth, then she lifts it up to her ear and listens into it, then back again. She never just holds it to her head and talks into it normally.

    It’s amusing. Unless you’re the one on the phone with her– then you have to say “Over” a lot.

  41. I wish Scott Stapp was a little man trapped in a radio speaker, because then we wouldn’t have to deal with him in real life.

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