sweet dreams

Ever have one of those days when you step out of your apartment, look down at your clothes, and think to yourself, “Well.  I have made some Bad Choices in my life, but this may top them all?”

I’m having one of those days today.

There’s a very, very slight chance I might be wrong about this, but I’m pretty sure I am wearing the world’s most boring outfit.

Seriously.

If the intense, petrifying boringness of The Notebook could somehow be manifested into clothes, that would be what I’m wearing right now.

The guilty party: One pair of gray slacks, one white (!) dress shirt, one pair of black shoes and one black and grey tie.

Did I mention the white shirt?

Why didn’t I just go ahead and go into full out I Don’t Care About Myself Mode and wear a short sleeve white dress shirt?  That’s the only way it could be worse.

I would have taken a picture of myself, but I still want you to read my blog after today, so that sheer amount of boredom will have to be left up to your jobs.

I don’t know what I was thinking.

In my defense, I need to take my dry cleaning in, which is why I am currently dressed like a preacher from Wyoming, but this is just really bad.

I swear, I was walking from the gym to my office and people were falling asleep just looking at me!  Poor people didn’t stand a chance against my outfit.  They’ll be passed out on the street until at least noon.

Then I get into the office, step in the elevator and see a woman yawning.  I know people!  I understand what’s happened here and I’m sorry!

Because of my boring outfit, the rest of the day I’m going to have to be a hermit. When I go out for some lunch I’m just going to keep my head down and try not to look anyone in the eye.

After that – hey!

HEY!

Are you still reading???

Wake up dammit!

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56 Comments

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56 responses to “sweet dreams

  1. Ben

    I once arrived at the office to realize that I was wearing brown cords and a matching brown sweater.

    I looked not only boring, but like a doody.

  2. Wait, wait, wait….you stalk me on the internet to get pictures of my humiliation but you DENY me yours?!

    Bitch

  3. I was going to write something witty but I kind of stopped reading halfway through because I was bored. Sorry.

  4. I wish going to the dry cleaner wasn’t the worst possible thing to ever happen to me so I didn’t have this same problem all the time. Dry cleaning is the worst because you have to drop it off AND pick it up. I’m unlikely to do ONE errand – two is a lost cause.

  5. I was totally okay with it until you admitted it was a SHORT SLEEVE white dress shirt you’d paired with a tie. Now all I can think of is those annoying Mormon boys who knock on my door until my dog barks and they politely leave…

  6. hey, i wear the same afterwork outfit of the following: jean shorts that used to be jeans, cut too high, ripped in the pockets, crotch, and ass. no socks. a pair of sketchers that are beat, and a t-shirt from the Bronx Zoo that is covered in blood, wine, and moth and cat claw holes. i wear this outfit grocery shopping, to restaurants, and to get drunk at the local bar. I wear this outfit yet i haven’t completely given up, and someone actually willingly has sex with me.

  7. That’s it. You need to go shopping for really outlandish ties so even on your boring days you can do something to avoid knocking people unconscious. We’ll start you off with something small, you know, like the piano key neck tie. Something classy.

  8. Jo

    I’d just like to say that 5 minutes before reading this post whilst heading back to my desk with a glass of water, I thought exactly the same thing about my outfit. Well, actually, it was more “Bloody hell, I’d NEVER leave the house looking this boring normally. Why does a job in the office suddenly equal black bootleg trousers (eurgh) flat shoes (eurgh) and a plain green top?”

    Thank god I’m not the only one having clothes related issues today.

  9. when i see guys wearing short sleeved “dress shirts” i cringe – they ARE NOT COOL.

  10. If you EVER wear a short sleeve dress shirt I will stop reading your blog immediately.

  11. Unzip your fly and pull the tail of your shirt out of the hole.

    Your entire day will turn around.

    Trust me.

  12. EVERYONE – Let me be clear here – I am NOT wearing a short sleeve dress shirt. No way I would ever do that.

  13. I totally wish you were wearing a short sleeve dress shirt, though. Like one of those Geek Squad drones.

    Nice work with the ou.. Zzzzzzzz.

  14. Just do NOT look in the mirror.

  15. I’m totally waering a short sleeve dress shirt! It’s covered by my white lab coat, but it’s there!

    I’m awesome.

  16. …and I got so excited by my shirt that I wrote “waering.”

    I’m super-duper awesome.

  17. Matt

    If you were wearing a short sleeve dress shirt…

    I would come through the interweb and punch you in the face.

    but only because we’re friends.

  18. “That is the worst sweater I’ve ever seen. That’s like a Cosby sweater.”

  19. heh. i’ve worn two different shoes to work…i might have been hungover. MIGHT.

  20. nancypearlwannabe

    Short sleeved white button down with navy pleated pants and brown shoes is the most boring outfit ever. Yours is only second most boring.

  21. deutlich

    but..but..i wanna sleeeeeeep

  22. Take a pink marker and start coloring your shirt. Just tryin’ to help.

  23. You should wear a short-sleeved white button shirt and tell people you’re a drivers’ ed teacher.

  24. k8

    If it was a short sleeved white button down shirt, I would have to stop reading your blog permanently. So, even if you’re boring, you still pass.

  25. OK, I’m so happy to hear you say this. I know many guys who say that for men, they just take the next item from the closet, put it on, and that’s the most they think about what they wear. I was pretty sure that was bullshit.

  26. But short sleeve dress shirts are so nerdishly delicious… have you seen Office Space? See how cool those guys were in their short sleeve dress shirt? I rest my case…

  27. I expect an amazing outfit tomorrow to balance out the blah-ness. How about a bright green blinding shirt? Purple pants? Yellow tie?* I think you’ll make quite a statement

    * = Please do not follow any of my advice. Ever.

  28. rhodeygirltests

    I’m gonna be honest. I like a man in a classic work outfit once in a while.. it is very… Wall Street or something.

  29. Jesus, I would just go home sick. There’s no need to suffer through a day with a boring outfit – the thought of it is making me cringe.

  30. ben – Oh damn Ben, doody is never a good look.

    inreallife – Hahaha – I guess you’re right. Let me see if I have something I can send you.

    dutchess – I understand.

    narm – Exactly!

    word – That’s not what I said.

    jay – Well, I guess you are doing something right then.

    stealth – Ah, the piano key tie is a classic!

    jo – I am right there with you.

    alexa – They are the opposite of cool.

    maxie – As you should.

    kristen – Or if I pull something else out it would be even more interesting of a day.

    apollo – You are really awesome. I love your blog.

    falwless – I hope you’re dreams are of me.

    minsf – So far so good. What if I have a booger though?

    todd – As least it’s covered. You also said “super-duper.” So you’re three times awesome.

    matt – Thanks, that means a lot to me.

    pistols – Classic.

    dmb5 – I’m gonna go with you were.

    nancypearl – Second place is not bad I suppose.

    deutlich – No! I have things to say!

    marie – Patterns or paisleys?

    arjewtino – Good idea. Then I’d steal their car.

    k8 – Well thank god. Passing is all I did in school, so I’ll take it.

    jay – Getting one at lunch.

    megan – TOTAL bullshit.

    mental – Right…

    lauren – I will not follow your advice, but only because I don’t want to get beat up.

    rhodey – Woo hoo! One vote for sexy!

    megkathleen – I bet my boss would say yes too. Anything to get me out of her sight.

  31. Matt

    apollo – You are really awesome. I love your blog.

    dude…that.was.great.

  32. I think my work wardrobe is rather boring. I also think I’m content with that. I don’t want to draw attention to myself cause then people make me work.

  33. I don’t usually wear BORING outfits, generally because I wear such low cut tops they can NEVER be boring – to one half of the population anyway, lol!!!

  34. I just found out I actually own a white shirt. I think I wore it once and spent the entire day freaking out about what I was going to spill on it.

  35. longredcape

    Hey it’s OK. I was so uninspired today, I wore a grey shirt, black pants, and black heels. And silver jewelry.

    I look like someone went into Photoshop and did Image > Mode > Grayscale on me.

    The short sleeve dress shirt? UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH why do they even MANUFACTURE those? You might as well just wear a t-shirt that says I AM A GIGANTIC DOUCHE BAG. I know douche bag is overused, but I think it suits the short-sleeved dress shirt.

  36. Goose

    Just be careful I hear the Geek Squad is recruiting….

  37. I don’t care about the colors…men in ties = sexy.

  38. um, The Notebook, was not boring.

    I always seem to run into people I haven’t seen in YEARS when I’m wearing something LAME and I think to myself, WHY TODAY? Why not yesterday when I had the world’s best outfit on and great hair?

    Try to stay on the down low.

  39. Your outfit doesn’t sound bad at all. Sounds very Duckie Brown.

    You’re such a drama queen!

  40. well i think i counter your boringness today, i’m rockin a bright green tank with a white tank and currently wearing a pink shirt over it to keep warm in my arctic freeze office. it’s quite bright really.

  41. Three things:

    (1) Your feelings are easily hurt. Sorry if that offended you!

    (2) Gasp! *I* am offended about your horrible Notebook-bashing. I assume it’s because you are bored with your outfit, so you have to think up LIES!!

    (3) After reading the title of this post, I now can’t stop singing “Sweet dreams are made of these… who are we to disagree? Travel the world and the Seven Seas…. everybody’s looking for something.”

    That’s better than yesterday’s “Mamma Mia,” though!

  42. i was wondering if maybe it was picture day at work

  43. I think we may have talked about this before, but: WHY MUST YOU HATE ON THE NOTEBOOK? Rachel McAdams and that guy whose name I can’t think of right now are like the cutest couple ever!
    -Jill (obviously….I don’t think Jack would agree)

  44. The Notebook is a really good movie.

    I’ll bet you look nice.

    Think of it as a post post modern suit.

  45. matt – hahaha – thanks I was wondering if anyone would notice that.

    jenn – That is a very good point.

    paula – Hooray for cleavage!

    noelle – See? Nothing good about them.

    redcape – I agree. The person who made them should be killed. I bet he has been already though.

    goose – I’m going straight home.

    melissa – You haven’t seen this tie.

    maegan – I know exactly what you’re saying, and don’t worry, I am going to have my head down while I’m on the train.

    yourgf – Who the hell is that?

    katelin – Wow that is impressive.

    jen – I never lie. That movie almost killed me from it sucking so badly.

    jenny – Hahahah – thank god it isn’t.

    jill – It makes me want to die. Ari of course loves it.

    kiala – Yes! I will. And how much do you want to bet?

  46. if you wore a short sleeved dress shirt, then you would just be mormon.

    but the thought of people falling asleep upon viewing your ensemble totally rules. it’s like a superhero power.

  47. I know you didn’t wear the short-sleeved white shirt, but I think that would be cool with the tie. Especially if the tie was a clip-on and you made sure everyone could tell.

    You could have tricked out that whole outfit with a ‘do rag, you know.

  48. Oh, what did you say?I got lost at “One pair of gray slacks, one white (!) dress shirt, one pair of black shoes and one black and grey tie”.

    Afterwards, I have a blackout.

  49. I would like to express my deep respect for your claim of how FREAKING BORING The Notebook was, and is, and will always be.

    My husband actually LIKES that movie!! I almost divorced him over that one.

    You’re outfit canNOT be that bad. Nothing’s that bad.

  50. Came here from Dan’s blog. Yup, I’m still reading!

  51. In my fashionista office, interns dress better than me. It’s a tough call but honestly I’m not a model, I’m there to work.

  52. Wow, boy am I tired, but that could be the bottle of wine talking. Although, I am disappointed that you couldn’t at least wear a colored tie (because really, the tie makes the outfit), as long as your the kind of guy that doesn’t wear sneakers without socks, you’re okay in my book.

  53. Larissa

    Oh my do I know this outfit. Doug wears this at least once a week minus the tie. Yes, it is even more boring. I tell him that he looks like a mormon about to go knock on someone’s door.

  54. At least you weren’t wearing a gray and black tie with the ef’n three stooges on it. I actually saw a guy with that tie on yesterday. I had to add that to my list of Things That People Should Never Wear. It’s getting to be a long list.

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