Yeah, I heard.
What? No, I was watching MTV and instead of Kurt Loder telling me what’s up, some chick who must’ve been thirteen was on there telling me you got your ass thrown in jail. What the hell ever happened to Loder? I mean, I think of MTV and I think of one thing: The Loder.
Sorry. I know, I know, you’re in jail, let’s concentrate on the matter at hand.
Well, I have to tell you, I don’t understand why you’re smashing cameras. I think maybe, out of all the celebrities I know, you’re the one most often looking for the spotlight.
I know! Look, I know.
People love your music. Hey, I love your music. But that doesn’t mean you can go around acting like a fucking idiot and smashing cameras when you’re the one who always wants people to love you.
What are you wearing?
No dude. You are not wearing those damn sunglasses with the slots in the lenses. Take them off man! I don’t care if they make you look “hot,” you don’t want Bubba thinking you’re “hot” now do you???
Oh – and the Cosby Sweater too? Perfect. That’s just brilliant. How about you just invite every big, dangerous looking man in there to pummel your face? Go ahead. Just tell them, “As you can plainly see, I am wearing a Beat My Ass Sweater, so please, let the festivities begin.”
Okay, anyway. What do you need? I mean, why are you calling me? You have plenty of money – bail your dumbass out of there.
No, I won’t do it! Well, he’s probably busy first of all. And second of all, when you’re in jail you’re supposed to be like repenting and shit, not laying down a hot new single about being in jail with Nate Dogg.
Well, alright, maybe I’ll call him. But you promised, so don’t forget. Say it. Say that the next time you hang out with Selita Ebanks you’ll invite me too.
I’m calling Nate now. And yeah, I’ll tell him to make sure he wears the backwards du-rag.