a friend in need

Yeah, I heard.

What?  No, I was watching MTV and instead of Kurt Loder telling me what’s up, some chick who must’ve been thirteen was on there telling me you got your ass thrown in jail.  What the hell ever happened to Loder?  I mean, I think of MTV and I think of one thing:  The Loder.

Sorry.  I know, I know, you’re in jail, let’s concentrate on the matter at hand.

Well, I have to tell you, I don’t understand why you’re smashing cameras.  I think maybe, out of all the celebrities I know, you’re the one most often looking for the spotlight.

I know!  Look, I know.

People love your music.  Hey, I love your music.  But that doesn’t mean you can go around acting like a fucking idiot and smashing cameras when you’re the one who always wants people to love you.

Hold on.

What are you wearing?

No dude.  You are not wearing those damn sunglasses with the slots in the lenses.  Take them off man!  I don’t care if they make you look “hot,” you don’t want Bubba thinking you’re “hot” now do you???

Oh – and the Cosby Sweater too?  Perfect.  That’s just brilliant.  How about you just invite every big, dangerous looking man in there to pummel your face?  Go ahead.  Just tell them, “As you can plainly see, I am wearing a Beat My Ass Sweater, so please, let the festivities begin.”

Damn man.

Okay, anyway.  What do you need?  I mean, why are you calling me?  You have plenty of money – bail your dumbass out of there.

No.

No, I won’t do it!  Well, he’s probably busy first of all.  And second of all, when you’re in jail you’re supposed to be like repenting and shit, not laying down a hot new single about being in jail with Nate Dogg.

What?

Really?

Well, alright, maybe I’ll call him. But you promised, so don’t forget.  Say it.  Say that the next time you hang out with Selita Ebanks you’ll invite me too.

Okay, sweet.

I’m calling Nate now.  And yeah, I’ll tell him to make sure he wears the backwards du-rag.

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34 Comments

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34 responses to “a friend in need

  1. but it’s got CHAMPAGNE IN IT!!

    (if you don’t get this we need to talk)

  2. deutlich

    he needs to fix his temper tantrum issues. he’s like an overgrown kid.

  3. I think you just found your minority friend for the wedding!

  4. Miz

    I think he’ll be safe in jail…he can start on one his “GEROGE BUSH” tirades…the peeps will think he’s looney, and who wants to get jiggy with a looney person anyways?

  5. Can someone please explain the sunglasses to me!!! “I love looking out of these blinds in my bedroom, I just wish there was away I could do it wherever I go….wait a second……”

  6. That is an absolutely magnificent sweater. Why must you be so hateful?

  7. Best thing Kanye could do now is come out as a Palin supporter. That’ll scare away some of evangelical types from their ticket.

  8. Seriously. Cosby sweaters are an art form.

  9. longredcape

    Kanye West is my least favorite person of all time. I won’t elaborate further because I will just get pissed off, and it’s almost lunchtime so I don’t want to be irate.

    I will say this though: What is the point of those effing sunglasses?

  10. For a second there, I thought Kurt Loder was in jail due to a 13 year old. This made me say, I KNEW IT!

  11. Everyone is hating on the glasses? I’ll have you people know that Kanye spent like 3 minutes figuring out how to see out of those. Show your respect man.

  12. You know what the Midwest is?
    Young & Restless
    We’re restless we might snatch your necklace
    And next we might jack your Lexus
    Somebody tell these people who Kanye West is?

  13. Matt

    what JustinS said.

  14. ^what everyone above this comment said

  15. PS. Sometimes I like to follow trends

  16. Don’t knock Kanye’s fashion man. I love it. And if anybody can brink back Cosby sweaters it’s Kanye. I bet he’s doing it to show off as in I’m so cool anything I wear becomes the hot new trend even Cosby sweaters.

  17. Matt

    Yeah, what mentalthreesixty said.

  18. Kanye is the greatest.

    Just ask him.

  19. The guy with the video camera was Devin’s friend.

  20. I’m trying to think of something to add here, but I can honestly say that I know nothing about Mr. Kanye. Well, except that he should bite the pill in half next time, judging from his behavior and questionable fashion choices.

    Wait- is this the dude that likes to pee on teenage girls? I’m confused.

  21. jenny – Well. Let’s talk, because I don’t get it.

    deutlich – A kid who makes fantastic beats!

    narm – Sending the evite….. NOW!

    alexa – She’s smart.

    miz – That’s a damn good point.

    inreallife – Hahaha – nice.

    mindy – But hating is what I do best! Don’t take that away from me.

    justin – Oh please let him do that.

    heather – I’d like to see you rock one.

    stealth – He’s cool.

    longred – So you don’t like any of his songs? No way, really?

    melissa – Hahaha – he does look like he’d do something like that to a child, doesn’t he?

    alice – We’re sorry!

    kiala – Oh snap Let me find out Kiala loves some Ye.

    matt – That’s what she said.

    mental – You wanna pound that? Nah, let his hand swing, I’mma punch a hole in his palm with these pointy ass rings.

    megkathleen – So you’re next, right?

    rs – He told me you were the greatest!

    hollywood – Really? Wow that’s crazy.

    whiskey – He might as well be.

  22. I read this post and left a comment.

  23. He is a self proclaimed asshole, and I gotta respect him for that cause us assholes have to stick together.
    Oh ya, and we have the exact same birthday…
    But I wouldn’t be caught dead looking and dressing like Steve Urkel.

  24. I wish I loved myself as much as Kanye loves himself.

  25. Anybody using a $10,000 camera to take pictures of Kanye West deserves to have that camera destroyed.

    When did photographers start living that champagne lifestyle? The Loder would destroy their cameras, too.

  26. narm took my response, haha. i was about to say invite kanye to the wedding, just keep him as far away from your wedding photographer as possible.

  27. Yeah, I saw that. It was crazy man. WTF with him? He’s always so cool and ‘I lost my mommy *cry* ‘

    But this? WEIRD.

  28. Kanye West dresses like a preppy motherf*cker.
    Is it any surprise he acts like one too??
    Just a random drunken rambling from moi . . .
    I’m here all night…

  29. JK

    Shit! Where have I been?? I need to catch up on current events….

  30. Maybe he couldn’t see through the slotted glasses, and thought it was an angry grizzly bear.
    Kanye always needs the benefit of the doubt.

  31. […]Meanwhile, Victor’s mother (Anjelica Huston), a retired grifter who dragged him all around the country pursuing various cons when he was a boy, is now installed in a local mental bin and no longer recognizes her son, who must pretend to be other people she does recall just to get her attention. There’s also a pretty doctor (Kelly Macdonald) at this sanitarium, though, and naturally Victor comes on to her. Her name is Paige, and she’s surprisingly agreeable to Victor’s offer of carnal interaction — but only in the name of science: She wants his stem cells (“I simply need your seed”) to brew up an experimental potion to restore his mother’s fading brain. Strange. But hey, she’s hot.[…]

  32. […]Sean E. asks: Is Afrika a.k.a (Hakuna Matata) coming to North America? And do you think it is the type of game that is worthy of a worldwide release?[…]

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