hello

I try to be a social person as much as possible.  I mean, as much as possible for me, which isn’t very much because I tend to be cranky, cynical and maybe sometimes say things to people that hurts their feelings.

While I’m out I always have a good time, talking about this and that, until it is time to leave, because I do not like goodbyes.  Not in the “Oh parting is such sweet sorrow” kind of way, in the “I’m too lazy to say bye” kind of way.

This only really happens when I’m out with a bunch of people.  The night is going great, I’ve just killed the room with a joke about backward underwear and then suddenly it hits me – time to go home.

It’s like a switch goes off in my brain, and I have to leave at that exact moment.

Instead of acting like A Normal Person and saying a quick “see you later” to all who are with me, I simply bolt for the nearest exit, disappearing into the night like a crackhead stealing a pair of socks.

My good friends know this about me, so they are ready for it.  When I talk to them the next day, they never question why one second they were talking to me and the next second I was gone.

Because that’s what I do.

I hate saying goodbye to every single person that is with me, and my thinking is, if they’re really my friend, I’ll see them again – so what’s the point?

Goodbyes are always awkward.  You have to sit there and discuss why you’re leaving, and when you’ll get together again, and blah, blah, please don’t ever wear those pants again, blah, blah, blah.

I really can’t stand it.

So to avoid all of that, I just leave.  I have been known to yell an, “I’m out!” as I bolt for the door, and I think that is a nice thing that I do.

Now that I’ve told you that about me, don’t be surprised if we ever meet and I disappear on you.  It’s not because I wasn’t having fun or you aren’t a cool person, it’s simply because I hate saying goodbyes and I’d rather just leave than have to deal with them.

So, I guess this is the end of the post.

Alright.

Talk you later.

Yeah, sure, tomorrow I’ll be posting again, we’ll get together then.

Dammit.

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45 Comments

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45 responses to “hello

  1. deutlich

    I feel yer pain. I’m not into the awkwardness either.. or the extra hour it tacks on to the leaving process

  2. I like how this post generated “Top ten reasons why I dislike breastfeeding” as possibly related.

  3. Today I’m going to shout “I’m Out!” every time I need to leave some place.

    I’M OUT!

  4. nancypearlwannabe

    You’re my hero. This is exactly what I’d LIKE to do, but can’t make myself actually do.

  5. Haha you must have been freaking out when you had to stand around and make sure that Boo and I wouldn’t get lost going back to the subway–next time we’ll just let you bolt, then call with concerns 😛

  6. Start throwing those little magician smoke-bomb thingies at the ground right before you split.

    And instead of “I’m out,” switch to something like “Shazaam!”

  7. M does this too. i find it incredibly annoying. even at parties at his house i’ll look around and realize he’s been missing for a while. sure enough he’s in his bed sound asleep.
    you people are odd

  8. Ben

    I’m that way on the phone. When I want the conversation to be finished, it’s finished.

    I screen and hang up on people on the regular.

  9. Actually, I think that’s sort of a jackassy thing to do.

  10. I’m not the only one who does this???!!!

    My friends hate me because of it. Sometimes I bolt in the way that you described, but often I make up an excuse like “I am going to the bathroom” and then leave.

    Occasionally, I get caught. And then I have to stay.

  11. I always make a big to-do about leaving, and with friends it’s always that I have to hug them goodbye. Or if I’m in a hurry or wanting to leave and forgot that hug part, I just yell “hugs! see you later!” or something.

    Now, at the flea market yesterday, I was ditching people I talked to left and right. “Hey I like this dip.” And then I’d disappear before they’d try to sell me any.

  12. I stay and properly say goodbye long after I’m ready, and I resent the hell out of it, and everyone knows it. Yours is better.

  13. Matt

    I keep hearing that Lionel Richie song “Hello” playing in my head.

    Really weird.

  14. I COMPLETELY agree. This happens to me at church EVERY FREAKIN’ WEEK!!! They just don’t understand the concept of leaving.

  15. Miz

    I know a guy who does that too..you aren’t alone! I think it’s totally acceptable in a group situation..do you do that when you’re hanging out with one other person?

  16. That’s why when I leave a room, I like to say, “call me Saran, because that’s a wrap!” People either laugh uproariously or get really confused, but the point is they get distracted, and in that moment, I make my exit.

  17. longredcape

    This reminds me of George on Seinfeld, in that one episode where he would leave on a “high note.” If he said something funny that made everyone laugh, he’d go, “Alright! That’s it for me. Goodnight
    everybody” and leave.

  18. I actually do that at work. Bolt without saying adios. Only difference is I really would prefer NOT to see these people the next day.

  19. Marcos

    We call those “Irish goodbyes”. I think the term comes from being so drunk you forget to say goodbye but in most cases though people choose not to say goodbye.

    I feel you though nothing is more awkward than going around telling people that you’re leaving. I have a few friends who never seem to let me leave anyway. Once I tell them I’m leaving its like they decide to try and talk to me for the next ten minutes.

  20. I also tend to do this. Not all the time, but it definitely happens and confuses my friends. I did it one New Years right after midnight – I just decided it was time to go and I bolted.

    Of course, once I got home I realized I still wanted to party…

  21. But what about if you’re one-on-one? I mean, because if it’s a group, it’s OK, but only ONE person?

    I mean, I can picture your dates with Ari. She’s talking to you and suddenly (as fast as Flash) you’re gone.

  22. dutchess – I just am!

    deutlich – Exactly.

    ari – I know, what the hell? Gross.

    melissa – PEACE!

    nancypearl – You just need to be drunk enough not to care.

    stealth – No, see it’s only really in big crowds, two people – no big deal.

    justin – I would KILL for a pocket full of those things.

    jenny – Hahaha – that’s awesome.

    ben – Me too – I silence my ringer with a vengeance.

    kristen – You love me.

    erin – Hahaha – getting caught is the worst! Then people realize how much of an asshole you really are.

    phil – Well at least you do it sometimes.

    megan – I can give you lessons on being rude if you want.

    matt – Is it me your looking for?

    heather – You just gotta roll out!

    miz – No way, just a group.

    noelle – Oh man, that is cheesy.

    longred – I LOVE that episode. I love Seinfeld with a disturbing passion.

    marie – Hahaha – well yes, that’s a big difference.

    marcos – Makes sense for me then. I hate when people try and make you stay, that’s another reason just to leave.

    alice – Hahaha – And you were just sitting there. That sucks.

    andy – No no, it’s just with a group. I doubt many women would want to date me if I did the ol’ disappearing act on them.

  23. I like to sneak out through the bathroom window.

  24. I like leaving with a “peace and hair grease!”

  25. I went through a “Houdini” phase. It is much more convenient than telling your friends they are starting to bore you and you’d rather go watch Seinfeld reruns.

  26. I hate to say goodbye when leaving because there are those people that feel the need to convince me to stay and DRINK MORE! Because we’re going TO RAGE! The night has just begun! And by “rage” they really mean we’re going to end up at Taco Bell at 2am for a 4th meal and they don’t want to get fat alone.
    Wait, maybe those are just MY FRIENDS 😉

  27. I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello.

    Hello hello.

    😉

  28. my mom to this day says that i throw adult temper tantrums when i want to leave a place. i have to leave NOW.

    like last night having a fabulous time watching the browns lose when about half way through the first quarter i walked home. cause i was just done with it all.

    i completely understand where you’re coming from.

  29. It’s not awkward, you’re just like Batman that way. And also in the way where you both wear rubber codpieces.

  30. you can walk out on a party but you cannot walk out on your blog.

    it just doesn’t work that way.

  31. I need to try that. I’m terrible at goodbyes, so I just end up being the lame-ass that stays until the end. That’s why I like outdoor parties. You can just walk away into the darkness.

  32. I think some day you should try the Dane method of tacking on the extra, “You may be better looking than me but I’m more successful than you. I’m out!”

    Just for fun.

  33. You should just get smoke bombs, throw them down and whisper “I’m Batman”.

    Poof

    You are gone

  34. ah…I used to do that in college.

    We’d all be at the bar, and I’d disappear. My friends would call my cell phone, but I’d be at home passed out with the peanut butter jar next to me.

    Dangerous.

  35. Hahaha. I do the same thing! I know people think it’s rude, but if I’ve spent the last couple of hours in their presence isn’t that enough? I think so! 🙂

  36. megkathleen – I’ll use that one next time.

    mental – Hair grease is fucking nasty.

    narm – Right!

    alleged – Fuck them, let them get bloated off of grade F meat.

    jen – Ready for this? I hate the Beatles. Actually, maybe I’ll post about that tomorrow.

    alexa – Hahaha – that is great.

    pistols – Speaking of which, I need to get mine cleaned. Badly.

    maxie – It doesn’t?

    mickey – Those are the best, you simply fade away into the night, and people think you’re still there. “Seen Mickey?” “Yeah, he’s right over there, you just can’t see him because it’s so dark.”

    kiala – Yes! I loved that when I read he said that too on your post. Awesome stuff.

    inreal – Where do I get these damn smoke bombs???

    kindredly – Hahaha – I bet your hand was still in the jar.

    trigirl – Me too.

  37. Very mysterious. I like it.

    You should start leaving behind clues. Like glitter. Just sprinkle a little glitter when you leave. You’d be the mysterious fairy duster.

    Or is that a little too gay?

  38. My friend does that too, but one time he did say bye to everyone and he ended up spilling red wine on a white carpet.

    He never leaves the house anymore

  39. I actually already knew that.

    Ready for this? I hate Nirvana!

    (Yeah, I think you knew that too…)

  40. Ha ha. I’m terrible with good byes in groups. I hate it. It’s always so awkward. Maybe I should try out what you do.

  41. Sweet Jesus there are others who get antsy and impatient over all that social brouhaha!

    I time my last pee before hitting the road, people!
    Then everyone wants to stand around and chit chat even though I’m starting to sweat in my coat and by the time it’s all done and I’ve made it to the door-
    I have to go pee again and try to scoot back through the crowd!
    I’ve gotten into the habit of starting to announe my departure about 20 minutes early.

  42. Haha. I had a friend do this same thing at a party yesterday night.

    I like hugs way too much to bolt. I will hug each and every person at the gathering before leaving, even if I’d met them 20 minutes before and can’t remember their names.

  43. haha, i usually go for the hugs round and round, i can’t help it i’m a hugger.

  44. angry gurl

    i am the exact same way. my bowling team made me go last this year instead of first so i couldn’t just leave everyone without saying good bye.damnit.

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