David Blaine is at it again.
If you haven’t heard, the idiot’s latest “trick” is that he’s hanging upside down for 60 hours in Central Park.
Of course I hate David Blaine. I’m a living, breathing, person. This latest stunt from the so-called magician has just sent me over the edge, though, mainly because I’m more of a magician than he’ll ever be.
You want magic?
Yesterday I sat through eight hours of work and didn’t think about hurtling myself out of the office window once – that’s magic!
Then, after work I got drunk and only said “fuck” seven times – shazzam!
And even though I was drunk I didn’t massively over-tip the cabbie and make him think that I wanted to Go Steady – taa-daa!
This morning I took a shower and remembered to wash behind my ears – an amazing feat!
Before setting off to work, I picked up Jack’s pile of turds without getting any on my hands – there’s a trick for you!
And now I’m writing yet another blog post and not getting paid a damn thing – ooohh… ahhh!
Finally, ladies and gentlemen, I will do most of this all over again tomorrow! And the next day! Until I die! That’s a fucking magic show for you: Just trying to get through my life.
Come one, come all, for every day until he’s old and tired and has to wear diapers – which doesn’t seem like that bad of an idea – Chris The Master Illusionist!
(If you want to read my take on women’s fashion, please go check out my guest post at Kindredly. Kablooey! Hmmm… Kablooey? Sorry.)