Alright single dudes everywhere, today is Halloween, which means tonight there will be Halloween parties. Let me repeat that (I stole that line from Biden) – Halloween parties.
You know what Halloween parties mean, right? It is the closest you will ever come to lots of scantily clad women getting wasted. Unless you were one of those dudes who went to a huge college and was in a frat that had parties like “Show Your Boob Night,” and in which case let me just say – I hate you.
Tonight, single men, is your best chance at getting laid. Even better than the time you told that girl that Beaches is your favorite movie.
Everywhere you look there will be slutty versions of everything you could possibly imagine.
Slutty chalk boards.
Even slutty sluts.
All you have to do is spark a conversation with a girl at the party and hope for the best.
Single Dude: [Sliding up next to a slutty teacher] “So you know, I went to school.”
Slutty Teacher: “Oh my god! So did I!”
Single Dude: “Yeah, I could tell. You know, what with the skirt that shows your butt cheeks and all. My teachers wore that same outfit. It was pretty rad.”
Slutty Teacher: “Hahaha! You’re funny, let’s make out until we puke on each other!”
Single Dude: “Sounds good.”
It really is that easy guys.
Put on a mask, grab a six pack and get your ass to a party. Oh and remember, if you’re going to do four keg stands and nine shots before you start trying to meet girls, your Soldier might not be ready for battle when the time comes to attack.