rattle and dumb

Man I hate Bono.

Yeah I said it, I can’t stand him.  You can also throw in The Edge and all the other guys in U2 that no one gives a shit about.

Of course I have good reasons why, I’m not some idiot who rants about stuff on a blog without completely thinking it through.  Okay, well maybe I am.  But either way, I hate him.

I’ve had enough of him and his music because there was a time when Bono and U2 used to rock out and rebel against The System, but not anymore.  What about those streets without names Bono???  On my way to work I passed an unmarked street and I felt lost!  Lost!

Now U2 is just a bunch of whiny crap, with Bono leading the way.

It’s a Beautiful Day. No it’s not Bono, it’s really not.

From my intensive research, which involved thinking for two minutes straight, I’ve discovered that only about 3% of days are actually beautiful.  The day that you first discovered tequila?  Beautiful.  That day you rolled the perfect joint and everyone at the party (including the hot girl who never talked to you before and didn’t afterward) told you how awesome it was?  Beautiful.

But most of the time days can be more accurately described as “Eh, it’s alright” or “At least I didn’t die.”

I also can’t stand Bono because of the sunglasses.  As The Great Larry David says, “Only two types of people wear sunglasses inside – blind people and assholes.”

I know, I know, he says that his eyes are sensitive or something like that.

Bullshit.

Look Bono, my eyes are sensitive to the light okay???  When I drink 43 Coors Lights and yell at people with ugly pants, the next morning my eyes are sensitive, too, dammit.  But you don’t see me wearing pink sunglasses do you?  No!  Because I’m not a fucking idiot.

I honestly don’t know what to do about Bono.  I suppose just leaving him alone and letting him be himself is punishment enough.

Plus, I totally killed him on this blog, so I’m sure he’ll hear about it from the paparazzi and then he’ll cry and cry and then maybe write a song about how sad he is and how my site is awesome.

At least that song would be good.

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52 Comments

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52 responses to “rattle and dumb

  1. I hate bono because he doesn’t know how to count

    1….2…3…14?

  2. deutlich

    oooh.. I miss the days when I “wowed” people with my blunts.

    they always thought a chick couldn’t do it right..

    ha.

    haha.

    dumbasses.

  3. ken

    larry david IS great.

    and bono is not.

  4. Michael Jackson wrote a song apparently about Tom Sneddon that he called “DS”, saying he was a cold man, etc.

    I’m going to wait for the next U2 song… I can see the lyrics now…

    You are such a fool,
    To Act the Way you do
    What did I ever..ever do to you…?

    The world is beautiful…and so are you
    Even though you hurt me so
    Though my heart aches for you,
    I’m letting my anger Go. Go. Go.

    I hate you, but I love you just the same.
    I adore you, though you degrade my name
    We’ll never be friends, but I want you to know
    I don’t hate you. No. No. No.

    ….Yeah, that’s why I’m a blogger and not a song writer. Haha.

  5. yeah, bono is totally lame. he used to be cool when he stomped around to “sunday bloody sunday”, but that was like 30 years ago.

    i think about that larry david quote every time i wear sunglasses inside, but i am an asshole so it’s ok.

  6. Bono is like a head of state now. Of what state, I don’t know.

    And I wonder, is it cool for blind assholes to wear sunglasses inside?

  7. I can’t believe you’d dare talk about the King of Ireland that way.

  8. j

    Bono totally blows. “What does he blow,” you may be asking yourself. Well, he blows cock. Big cock, little cock, fat cock, skinny cock, pierced cock, uncut cock, curved cock, straight cock, black cock, brown cock, yellow cock, any cock’ll do. Cock-a-bono-do.

  9. Ben

    I’ve hated Bono since before it was cool to hate Bono.

    Fact.

  10. I am so over U2. They are thisclose to becoming as annoying as Dave Matthews Band. During college, I felt like most people said one of those two bands were their most favourite band EVER. Ugh. Personality – you need some!

    But okay, I did see Bono at a bar I was at last year, a small one, and he was chilling in the corner with his sunglasses on (obviously) and yeah, it was a little cool. Only a little.

  11. Bono = musical masturbation. With him doing the masturbating.

    Private message to Bono: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

  12. I agree with your assesment of Larry David. And Bono.

  13. Dude, Bono is the second coming. If he had a baby with Angela Jolie world peace would prevail….

  14. Caution: publicly stating your hatred of Bono will significantly reduce your chances of sleeping with millions of women [with questionable tastes in music].

  15. Seriously, what happened to Bono? He use to be cool and now…he’s just another celebutante. Ya, I went there.

  16. I often state “not dying” as what I aspire to accomplish on a daily basis. I figure if I can cross that off my to-do list I win. Also, your tags make my life worth living.

  17. I like that song. OK…now I’m scared of all the harshness that’s coming my way and debating on which way I should run.

  18. nancypearlwannabe

    Finally! Thank you. Someone else to share my hatred of all things U2.

  19. nic

    how you feel about bono is how i feel about tom cruise. how i’ve always felt about tom cruise. before the couch incident or the whole sharing his pants with katie. douche. (except maybe for when he’s maverick)

  20. i could write a doctoral thesis on why bono sucks.

  21. You probably just ruined his beautiful day.

  22. Christ, that guy sucks. I hate that he’s now meeting with the Pope about forgiving third world debt, as if writing a bunch of crappy pop songs about girls makes you an instant expert in all things.

    And how many songs that go jing-a-jing-a-jing-a-jing does the world need?

  23. and the same goes for those wimpy little ponces Chris Martin and Thom Yorke. As Noel Gallagher said rock stars were put on this earth to do drugs, fuck chicks, and make music.

  24. I thought I was the only one that hated him! Some dipshit with a good guitar riff back in the early 90’s can not save the world, no matter how hard he tries.

  25. maxie – That’s a good enough reason to me.

    deutlich – Oh, see the girls were always mad popular who could do that.

    ken – Exactly.

    katie – Can I download that song on itunes?

    erin – Hahaha – you and me both.

    noelle – They are allowed to do whatever they want.

    justin – I thought I was the king of ireland!

    j – Hahaha – congrats – you just mentioned cock more times than anyone ever.

    ben – You lie!

    jessica – You succumbed to his allure! Shame on you.

    melissa – I bet he gets that on twitter all the time.

    zibbs – Sweet.

    inreallife – Or the world would end.

    foxy – I am prepared for that.

    marie – He deserves it.

    shaba – Yeah, I feel the same way. I didn’t die! Alright! And thanks re: tags.

    hbee – You just have to live with yourself. That’s punishment enough.

    nancypearl – I can share hatred on lots of things.

    nic – Yeah, Top Gun is one of my favorite movies ever, I won’t stop liking it no matter how crazy Tom gets.

    gina – A+!

    nicole – Hahaha – awesome comment.

    pistols – Exactly! Oh, “sunday bloody sunday” right? So tell me, how do we solve the worlds problems?

    jay – Awesome quote.

    dutchess – Well said.

  26. Tara

    My hatred for bono runs so deep that I hate Coldplay for one reason only – they sound just like U2.

  27. I had a spinning instructor who would only play U2.

    This is why I quit spinning.

    That and also because it’s fucking boring.

  28. Oh no, I love me some Bono. If that man told me to cut my hands off I would ask him which one he’d like me to chop first. But then again, I’m Catholic.

  29. I’m so glad someone finally pointed out that Bono is, in fact, useless. And annoying. And super pretentious.

  30. Pants

    “blind people and assholes.”

    Ha ha!

  31. Agreed. And what’s with all the UN involvement and pushing for really poor countries to have their debt forgiven? Lame. He’s ruining the rock star image. He’s not supposed to care about little kids with bloated bellies, he’s supposed to be trashing hotel rooms and doing blow with trashy blondes in European cars. Or just doing trashy blondes in European cars. He’s let me down with all his caring.

  32. You best be careful… “surviving myself” wouldn’t make a bad song title and Bono might just do that.

    Oh shit, what do you do if/when that happens?

  33. longredcape

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/More_Crap

    That wiki page is disappointing to me in terms of describing the episode, but basically the premise is this: Bono may be a good samaritan and all, but he’s still a gigantic piece of shit.

    I think that about sums it up.

  34. Toe

    Don’t you know that Bono is just a big piece of poo? Doesn’t everyone get thier celeb gossip from South park or is that just me?

    http://www.southparkzone.com/episodes/1109/More-Crap.html

  35. Bah thank you! I don’t like U2 and half my friends think they are so uber-duper fantastic or something.

    Bono – save the orphans and all that but stop telling us how great life is to sell songs at the same time.

    I love the quote about sunglasses – so very true

  36. Even Madonna didn’t wear sunglasses last night at her concert. If she’s not too good for them, I’d say you have a pretty damn good argument that Bono isn’t too good for them either!

  37. tara – Hahaha – that is a good reason.

    kiala – I agree, I tried spinning once and never went back.

    aine – But would you wear sunglasses to bed?

    stealth – He is all of what you mention. And less.

    pants – I love Larry David.

    brandy – I know! Go get drunk and get arrested for gods sake.

    nico – I hunt him down and gut him.

    longred – Thanks for that link!

    toe – Why yes, it seems longredcape likes to too.

    alice – Time for some new friends.

    nilsa – I agree.

  38. Bono never bothered me until now…

    Thanks Chris. Now I have one more name to add to my list of “Assholes Who Should Be Spanked and Put to Bed Without Supper.”

  39. 43 coors lights?

    I have underestimated you.

  40. Next time I see him I’ll give him a good kick in the shins for you.

  41. I never cared for U2 or Bono, but I really started hating them when they came out with awful song “Elevation”. Ugh.

  42. I would like to see some lyrics.

    And the day I discovered tequila was OK, but the day I discovered just how much tequila I could drink before spewing on the prinipal at a high school dance? That was just a lovely day for everyone!

  43. you and my bf could rant about bono together. i’m pretty sure he dislikes him as much as you do.

  44. I was seventeen, scared spitless and standing in the student union building to register for my first college class. A U2 video was blaring on this ginormous tv. I wanted to die then when I heard him whining, and I get the same feeling today.

  45. U2 has not written a good song in quite some time. I resent that.

  46. Here here – useless, and not as interesting as he seems to think he is!

    Thank you for the congratulations last week – I’m behind on my hello’s but I’m glad I found your blog because, hey – everyone on the internet except me seems to be in on it! = )

  47. You nailed it. Bono is a tool. I have wanted to talk about this for some time. You beat me to it. Thank you. You saved me the time and the space on my blog.

  48. i’ll give you $5 to write a post about how much you hate oxygen.

    just too see if everyone agrees with you.

    that oxygen shit is wack!

  49. tia

    yes! i’m so glad that there are other people in the world who don’t like U2.

    everytime i say i’m not a fan, someone looks like i kicked a puppy.

  50. goddamnit I hate that guy too. seriously. I’m so glad I’m not alone …however SouthPark hates him too so that’s always a bonus.

    …is it just me or is Coldplay starting to sound a lot like U2? They’re next on my shit list.

  51. Jo

    I agree. Today is SO NOT a beautiful day. It’s a shit day. And people who wear sunglasses inside only make it worse. Fact.

  52. Fussy

    I am so pleased to learn I’m not alone in my hatred of Bono! You don’t usually hear people say bad things about him, at least not in public. I think an underground uprising is in order.

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