Well, it’s official. I’m getting dumber.
I’ve thought this for awhile, specifically because I can vividly recall that in the cartoon G.I. Joe, Snake Eyes’ pet wolf was named Timber, yet I can’t seem to do simple division.
But now that there has been a study released stating that drinking shrinks your brain, I have all the proof I need.
With this study out, I now have a solid scientific reason for all the “one card short of a deck” moments of my life that I couldn’t explain before – my brain keeps getting smaller!
Like when I was in high school and I was leaving a court-ordered counseling session for my little weed problem, and I drove over the median in the parking lot on my way out. The counselor saw. He just shook his head.
I do believe this also explains why when it came time to pick a college, I chose the one that my best friend was going to and never even visited it. And even when he told me he changed his mind and was going somewhere else, I still went anyway, figuring it must be a decent enough place.
And maybe this study reveals the real reason I drank so much on my first night at that college that I passed out on the sidewalk in front of my dorm building.
This study definitely explains why I’d rather point out all the boners on statues than appreciate the deeper meaning behind art when I visit museums.
Of course this trend is only going to get worse, because there is no way I’ll ever stop drinking. It’s just too much fun, and besides, what fun have you ever had when you’re sober? Maybe you laughed at this post, but I guarantee that if you had just drank a pint of Jack Daniels, you would’ve laughed a lot more.
As the years go by, I suppose this blog will just get worse and worse, until one day when I’m just typing absolute nonsense and your comments go from witty reactions to my writing to carefully posed questions concerning my mental health.
But until then, drink up my friends, you really don’t need all that brain anyway.