big

I have big news everyone.  Wait, let me try that again – I have BIG news everyone.  Much better.  

No, I have not figured out how to make Lindsay Lohan normal again, it is something of even bigger proportions.  No!  I have not discovered the most polite way to tell people that they suck. 

Even better. Even BIGGER.

Starting tomorrow, I am going to have Man Week here at my blog because I am going to Mexico all next week.  I emailed some of my favorite dude bloggers and told them to “Man up and write a Man Post and Be A Man!”  So they did, and you get to reap the rewards.

I’m not actually leaving until early Saturday, but I wanted to get in as many awesome dude bloggers as possible, so from tomorrow until the 27th, you will be treated to seven of the finest Man Bloggers out there.

I know.  Right now you’re probably crying and dialing your Mom on the phone, searching for answers on how you’re going to make it that long without reading my posts, but trust me, you will be in good hands. Now stop calling your Mom.  Stop it.  Stop it!

As for me, I will be going to some crazy nice beach in Mexico where the water is really tequila and the sand is made of dollar bills.  Or maybe pesos.  That turn into gold.

I will have limited Internet access for the entire week which 1) Excites me and 2) frightens me like a little schoolgirl.  The good part about that is I won’t be able to constantly blow up Twitter with my thoughts on how fun it is to puke in the ocean, though believe me, you can expect semi-regular updates on my mental condition.  The bad part about not being around the Internet constantly is not being able to read blogs and ESPN.com non-stop, though I’m thinking I’ll really just miss the porn.

Just For Your Information, here is what I know about where I’m staying in Mexico:

1) It is right on the pacific ocean.  This makes my 2:37 AM drunken boogie board sessions much easier.

2) It comes with a live-in cook and maid.  Please expect no less than 562 pictures of me with these people when I come back.

3) It is completely environmentally friendly.  We even have to put our used toilet paper in the trash can instead of flushing it.  I am looking forward to having poop next to me at all times.

That’s it. 

So please come back over the next week and enjoy the guys that I have lined up for you, they have promised me that they will not alienate you and if they do I get to punch their first born in the knee.

On the 28th when I get back get ready for tons of pictures.  Maybe I’ll even throw in one of the sunset. No. I probably won’t.

Needless to say, I’m going crazy with excitement for this trip.  I don’t get to do stuff like this, so the experience is going to be priceless.  You could even say I’m so excited I could shit my pants.  In fact, maybe I should just do that now to get ready for Mexico – the land of constant poo smells.

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49 Comments

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49 responses to “big

  1. a) You won’t miss the porn because hotel rooms come with the cheeziest, right there on the tv.

    b) You are coming back right in time for my birthday, what a great present.

    c) There is going to be way too much testosterone on here.

  2. Ben

    So stoked for all the mens!

    You know just how to please me, don’t you?

    Wait! NO! That’s not what I mean!!!

    Or is it?

    It’s not.

  3. kk

    I’ve been to Zihua and it’s BEAUTIFUL! You’re going to have an amazing time!

  4. I can’t believe you didn’t ask me to guest post for you.

    I have a strap on you know.

  5. have a nice trip!!!!
    🙂

  6. Pants

    JEALOUS!

    My cousin told me when we were little that our grandparents would spank us if we put toilet paper in the toilet that had been used on poopie…so I put a whole bunch of it in the garbage, because I totally didn’t want to get busted for pooping the wrong way. At least you won’t get spanked for having poop next to you at all times. 🙂

    BTW, I totally got my cousin back by telling her that rabbit poop was actually “Smart Pills”. She ate a whole handful.

  7. I say this to you with complete confidence based on my own experiences in Mexico and Costa Rica: the first time you have to actually place the TP in the trash rather than the toilet bowl, your life will change forever.

    Good luck with that.

  8. Note to self: Drinking frozen margarita’s = Drinking the water = Lots of your own poo smells.

  9. Um, what if we want at least one post done by a woman on all things womany?

    You’re going to be drunk the entire time you’re there, huh? At least the pictures will remind you of what you were up to.

    Have a great time!!!

  10. I was going to offer to wear a strap-on if I could be included in ManWeek but Kristen already did, making me even more mad at chicks.

    I spent a similar week in Cabo this spring. The toilet paper thing is hard to get used to – not that it smells but it’s so ingrained in us to drop the paper in the bowl. I don’t recommend fishing it out when you forget. The paper gets soggy with a quickness.

  11. Tara

    Careful with your iphone. I went to Mexico and I thought that because I didn’t call anyone or even use any of the data features it wouldn’t matter but NOOOOO, I was wrong. I got a HUGE bill. Apparently the phone is constantly sending/receiving data and AT&T charges roaming for that. Put it on airplane mode, or just [gasp] turn it off.

  12. k8

    Toilet paper in the garbage? Gag. So very gag.

  13. and i thought i had to wait until next year to experience MANuary, a 31 day period of time where MEN get back into shape after a year of basically breaking their bodies down with booze, drugs, and bad food. I’m not the only one to celebrate MANuary am I?

  14. I’d forgotten the joys of tossing vs. flushing my poo paper–enjoy that!

    Get tan! Get drunk! And, um, try not to get arrested, k?

  15. Wow. Um. Enjoy mexico!

  16. longredcape

    My ex told me that his cousin put used toilet paper in his trash can once. He does not live in Mexico.

    Ew.

  17. To say that I’m kind of excited for Man Week would be an understatement. Mexico sounds heavenly right now–have a awesome trip!

  18. Remember that one Real World where they went to the Caribbean and that one dude pooped in the ocean and they could all SMELL IT.

    From the ISLAND?

    Do that.

  19. First. Have fun!

    Second. You are a genius! That’s a great plan to blog through a vacation! You ROCK!

  20. This is not the first time I wish I had a penis. Have a terrific vacation!

  21. ¡Ojalá que tengas muy buen tiempo!

  22. The fact that you’re going to Zihuatanejo completely trumps the lovely vacation you’ll be having. That’s the place the main characters refer to in Shawshank Redemption-my favorite book/movie IN THE WORLD!!

    I am so the jealous dork. Sigh.

  23. I totally called my mom even though you said not to. I hate to ruin your fantasy, but the live in cook and maid are probably overweight and not hot. At all. It’s not going to be like the movies. OK…maybe it will. You’ll let us know, I’m sure.

  24. foxy – Yes!

    dutchess – A) Sweet! B) You’re welcome C) Absolutely.

    ben – Yes it is.

    kk – Awesome, thanks!

    yourgirlfriend – I am hearing that.

    beckeye – Man Man!

    kristen – Oh I know, but it’s so big it makes me feel insecure.

    urban – Thanks! I will try my best.

    matt – I thought you might like this plan.

    pants – Hahaha – I think you won that battle.

    arjewtino – Thank you kind sir. I do believe I’ll need all the luck I can get.

    sara – Hahaha – thank you for that note.

    marie – I am completely depending on the pictures.

    gwen – Good to know, and I’m sorry you had to experience that.

    tara – Thanks, I actually just set it up so I can use it without getting charged like crazy.

    k8 – Yup. It’s going to go great with the tequila.

    jay – No I think there are more of you. I see a lot of new people at my gym every Jan., but they disappear after about a month.

    stealth – If I do, can I use my one call to call you?

    lauren – Thanks!

    longred – Hahaha – that is hilarious.

    gretchen – I will, get ready for men!

    kiala – I am SO doing that. I’ll tell everyone you gave me the idea though.

    tough – Well, it won’t be me, it’ll be my blogger friends, but they’re just as good. Okay, maybe slightly less good.

    kat – Hmmm… I would like more information.

    jen – Uh, yes?

    heather – You know I read that the other day. I’ll look for Morgan Freeman while I’m down there.

    hbee – On the 28th you will know all!

    noelle – Thanks!

  25. PLEASE tell me you’ll wear a speedo on this trip.
    Please? Leopard print?
    Not that I necessarily want to see you in a speedo, I just like to think that I can persuade you to make an ass of yourself in a foreign country. Take pictures if you do. Thanks.

    Good luck with that toilet paper thingy.

  26. Far

    Mexico?! Im jealous have fun in your speedo 😉

  27. If you aren’t promising any hot, naked pictures of these guys, why should I come back? I mean, REALLY.
    PS. Have fun in Mexico…I guess. (I’m jealous)

  28. You are going to have a BLAST! Ixtapa is TONS of fun! ENJOY the tequila, corona’s, and unlimited mexican food for CHEAP!
    Can’t wait to hear all about it, you are sure to have some interesting and messy interactions down there!

  29. oh i am pumped for some man blogging.

    am mad jealous of your trip…

  30. awesome erections everywhere!

    …. depending on how I punctuated that it could be taken several ways!

    ba-zing!
    *note awesome arm pumping action with exclamatory remark…. and yes I totally high-fived myself*

  31. I didn’t listen to you – I called my mom…and I cried – I WANT TO GO TO MEXICO! Life is so unfair.

  32. Mich

    oooooo i cant wiat !

    have a great trip!

  33. Enjoy yourself, sir, and don’t forget to climb a bunch of ziggurats, because I’ve been to New York, and it has a decided dearth of ziggurats.

    Meanwhile, we’ll be bro-ing down hard over here – all football and farts, all the time.

  34. meagank

    A few things:

    1. I hate you for going somewhere cooler than where I’ll be for the next few weeks — my desk.

    2. Please, please, please eat the worm.

    3. Get a picture of yourself with a funny sombrero on. Those are great.

  35. Live in cook/maid?! LUCKY!!

    Have a blast! I’m looking forward to this Man Week. Clothes on or off??

  36. You’re going to Mexico??? JERK! Have fun while I’m waking up to 30 degree mornings!

  37. jealous..jealous…jealous….

    You get a maid and a chef? where are you going?

    I could do without the toilet paper in the trashcan scenario….good luck with that.

    HAVE FUN!!

  38. Have a cerveza for me! Modelo Light with lime please. They sell Modelo in the states, but not the light. And the light is far superior. Have one, I promise you won’t regret it.

  39. chrissy

    such an exciting post!

    &yes, the shawshank redemption thing!!! i love that movie.

  40. 7 Man Blogs.

    1 Place.

    Fuck yeah.

  41. sexist.

    jk – have fun in mexico!!

  42. E.V

    You dang lucky b***ard! Enjoy the peso lined beaches! 🙂

  43. I hope MehHeeCo was as fabulous for you as it was for me. I just gave you the Superior Scribbler Award. Details on my page. Congrats!

  44. So jealous right now…

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