I have big news everyone. Wait, let me try that again – I have BIG news everyone. Much better.
No, I have not figured out how to make Lindsay Lohan normal again, it is something of even bigger proportions. No! I have not discovered the most polite way to tell people that they suck.
Even better. Even BIGGER.
Starting tomorrow, I am going to have Man Week here at my blog because I am going to Mexico all next week. I emailed some of my favorite dude bloggers and told them to “Man up and write a Man Post and Be A Man!” So they did, and you get to reap the rewards.
I’m not actually leaving until early Saturday, but I wanted to get in as many awesome dude bloggers as possible, so from tomorrow until the 27th, you will be treated to seven of the finest Man Bloggers out there.
I know. Right now you’re probably crying and dialing your Mom on the phone, searching for answers on how you’re going to make it that long without reading my posts, but trust me, you will be in good hands. Now stop calling your Mom. Stop it. Stop it!
As for me, I will be going to some crazy nice beach in Mexico where the water is really tequila and the sand is made of dollar bills. Or maybe pesos. That turn into gold.
I will have limited Internet access for the entire week which 1) Excites me and 2) frightens me like a little schoolgirl. The good part about that is I won’t be able to constantly blow up Twitter with my thoughts on how fun it is to puke in the ocean, though believe me, you can expect semi-regular updates on my mental condition. The bad part about not being around the Internet constantly is not being able to read blogs and ESPN.com non-stop, though I’m thinking I’ll really just miss the porn.
Just For Your Information, here is what I know about where I’m staying in Mexico:
1) It is right on the pacific ocean. This makes my 2:37 AM drunken boogie board sessions much easier.
2) It comes with a live-in cook and maid. Please expect no less than 562 pictures of me with these people when I come back.
3) It is completely environmentally friendly. We even have to put our used toilet paper in the trash can instead of flushing it. I am looking forward to having poop next to me at all times.
So please come back over the next week and enjoy the guys that I have lined up for you, they have promised me that they will not alienate you and if they do I get to punch their first born in the knee.
On the 28th when I get back get ready for tons of pictures. Maybe I’ll even throw in one of the sunset. No. I probably won’t.
Needless to say, I’m going crazy with excitement for this trip. I don’t get to do stuff like this, so the experience is going to be priceless. You could even say I’m so excited I could shit my pants. In fact, maybe I should just do that now to get ready for Mexico – the land of constant poo smells.