Chris is off gallivanting around in another country. His email didn’t specify which country which automatically leads me to believe he’s in Thailand. Yes, you have all heard the jokes. Use your imagination. Or don’t.
It seems that I was one of The Chosen because I am 1) a man and 2) funny.
Funny? How so? What movie was that where the little Italian guy that looks like a bowling ball goes off on a whiny rant because someone else mentions he’s funny? Goodfellas, right? I think I just lost a man point for not knowing that immediately.
I am a guy, and I can see his point about the state of blogland. Its 90% female. No offense ladies, but us manly men can only take so much of talking about feelings, puppies, kids, knitting, and Grey’s Anatomy. Tyler Durden said it best….we’re a generation of men raised by women.
I have come up with a list of manly things us men need to do before we die:
1- Take a bath in motor oil.
2- Chop down a tree using a hand axe. Wear flannel while doing this.
3- Participate in a demolition derby.
4- Drive a monster truck.
5- Play tackle football on concrete.
6- Grow a beard. (can be tied into #2)
7- Take over a country. Or your neighbor’s garage.
8- Bench press 300 pounds or more. On free weights.
9- Watch every Rambo movie, Die Hard movie, and Ahnold movie in chronological order with no breaks. Last Action Hero can be skipped because it sucked. Stop watching Kindergarten Cop after the first 20 minutes. It goes from manly to mush very quickly.
10- Punch Tom Cruise in the face for the way he tricked us men with Jerry McGuire. That was no sports movie. Major League, Bull Durham, Brian’s Song. These are sports movies. Punch him again for being Tom Cruise.
11- Eat a 32 oz steak and a baked potato with all the fixings. In one sitting.
12- Drink a 24 pack of Milwaukee’s Best. A Malibu and Diet is not manly. Neither is your Cosmo.
13- Lay down asphalt.
14- Own a really, really big dog. A mean one.
15- Participate in a medieval jousting match. Or at least wear the armor. You can’t joust in a scarf or sweater vest, you girly-man.
16- Rebuild a Chevy small-block engine.
17- Start a fight at a hockey game.
18- Fix the toilet.
19- Go fishing. Clean the fish. Cook the fish over an open fire.
20- Own a garage with tools in it. Manly tools. Like a table saw. And a drill-press. And a blow-torch. Find any excuse to use them.
Any other recommendations are encouraged. Note that if you list something like dance or listen to John Mayer, you should double check to see if you’re really a man.
My name is Dan Mega. Bask in my manliness.