Now that Obama has been elected president and Bush is hiding all the toilet paper in the White House in one last ditch effort to screw someone over, we can all get back to What Really Matters – like dudes who have long hair.
If you know a man who is over the age of twenty and has long hair, please do me and America a favor, and tell him to “fucking stop it.”
I don’t understand how grown men can walk around with long hair. It never looks good. Okay, aside from dudes with dreads because they probably smoke weed and as we all know, weed is really cool.
The worst part about men with long hair is that they all are in love with it.
They walk around swishing it side to side, and oh! Isn’t it just so breezy out here today! I think I should casually toss my flowing locks away from my face in an effort to see things better!
For all the maintenance and caressing these dudes do to their hair, it’s like they think they’re living in a shampoo commercial. You see them getting ready for work by brushing their wavy hair as their hot girlfriend slides up and says, “Hope you have a good day.” To which the Man Hair dude replies, “Hope? There’s no need for hope with hair like this.” Then he whips his head around to show us all just how lovely life really is with hair like that.
It makes me sick.
The only man alive who can have long hair is Steven Seagal. This is because Steven Seagal is better than all of us.
The sad thing is getting dudes to stop with the flowing hairdos is not going to be easy.
We can plead with them – we can tell them that they look like fucking idiots and ask them why they don’t just grow boobs too – but it will be a tough challenge. It will require dedication and passion from all of us.
Can we ever envision a time, in this great country, when there will no longer be men who think long hair is okay?
All together now – yes we can.