making the dream a reality

Dear Head Dude at Roc-A-Fella Records, LLC,

My name is Chris and I am writing to inform you of a special, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  Because today is my birthday, on Saturday evening myself and a collection of the finest individuals on the planet performed karaoke at a local establishment.  It was during this time that I realized I have Talent Of Epic Proportions.  As a label that has produced some of my favorite artists, I wanted to offer you the chance to be the first to witness my genius, and therefore sign me to a multi-year, multi-million dollar recording deal. I feel I possess all the attributes of any Fantastic Artist, and have provided photograpic evidence below.

For your consideration:

Passion.  I care so much, I am willing to raise my hand to the heavens.

Passion. I care so much, I am willing to raise my hand to the heavens.

Versatility. I can jam out if Jamming Out is needed.

Versatility. I can jam out if Jamming Out is needed.

Dedication. I am willing to go for three minutes at a time without alcohol.

Dedication. I am willing to stop drinking for thirty seconds at a time for dramatic effect.

Cohesiveness. I can even be part of a sexy boy band as long as I am the lead singer who everyone likes.

Cohesiveness. I can even be part of a sexy boy band as long as I am the lead singer who everyone likes.

Perseverance. Finally, I have the ability to sing when I consumed so much alcohol I can't even see straight, which is critical to all Talented Artists.

Perseverance. Finally, I have the ability to sing when I have consumed so much alcohol I can't even see straight. This is a key attribute of any talented artist.

As you can see, I am going to be wildly successful.  This is your first and last chance Head Dude.  Sign me or regret it for the rest of your life.  Roc-A-Fella will be forever known as the label that let “that one drunk guy” slip away.  I think we can both safely say that no one wants to see that happen.

Respectfully yours,



Filed under Uncategorized

72 responses to “making the dream a reality

  1. Ben

    Happy birthday oldface!

  2. yep…. men definitely wanna be you. or be with you? i’m easily confused.

    love the pics. 🙂

  3. Happy Birfday Chris!!

    Get a petition going and send it in to Roc-A-Fella. Shitloads of your followers would sign it!

  4. Matt

    Are you singing to a weezer song?


  5. Happy Birthday, and I am impatiently awaiting your newest album.

  6. I hope when you’re rich and famous you will remember that one time where a bunch of awesome bloggers should have dominated at trivia, and didn’t. You always need to remember the little people.

  7. Happy Birthday! You’ve always wanted to play air guitar and now you finally got the chance. Well done, sir, well done.

  8. Happy birthday Chris! Now just think, if you get signed b/c of your epic success at karaoke, I can say I knew you when…

  9. Oh honey.

    I…I think you should stick to blogging.

    You’re too old to become a rock star now.

  10. happy birthday! i like the last picture best. you busted out the sexay face.

  11. I suppose you’ll want to be called “Chris Fierce” now.

    have an awesome birthday!

  12. Way to defy the laws of physics and make it another year without liver failure.

    We are all very, very proud of you.

  13. HBD. You old. Very proud of ya.

    Let me know when your album drops.

  14. longredcape

    Happy birthday. Love the Steve Winwood reference. I listened to his Back in the High Life album on the way to work this morning. Good stuff.

  15. what’s up with the desire to put up unflattering pics of me on the internet? i need to stop letting people photograph me.

    happy birthday, by the way.

  16. happy birthday and good luck with your future boyband.

  17. Happy Birthday

    and thank you for not providing any video with sound for this post…

    no seriously, THANK YOU

  18. It is your birthday–they have to sign you. It is the law.

    Have a happy one, by the way.

  19. I’d hire you!

    Also, Happy birthday!

  20. Next you’ll be selling out to Coke and Ford. Cheez.

    Happy birthday!

  21. Aaron

    Big deal, I have a birthday too.

    Seriously though, happy birthday and nice work on the air guitar.

  22. Looks like a good birthday celebration to me!

    Happy Bday!

  23. Your face in the last pic is effing priceless.

  24. Pingback: Winning Friends with Salad » Another Post about Chris’s Birthday

  25. happy birthday!!

    i had no idea the finest individuals on the planet looked like that. i thought at least one person would have been kim kardashian.

  26. My favorite drunken karaoke moment – Sweet Child O’ Mine at a dive bar in San Fran. The boys loved it.

    Happy, happy.

  27. I’m not making any age-related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are. (favorite someecard ever. and it sort of applies here.)

    that first picture? priceless. love it.

    happy birthday!!

  28. Jo

    Happy birthday. Props to the person who gave you an air guitar as a present.

  29. Jaclyn

    Happy Birthday!

    Glad you enjoyed the cake. Totally worth all the shit I took from my 2 die-hard Giants fans brothers last night.

  30. deutlich

    You’re not supposed to celebrate birthdays early!! It’s bad luck! Dammit!

    Ok, sorry. I shouldn’t make someone as equally paranoid as me even more.. well.. paranoid. But seriously. No bueno.

    In other news – HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! You’re officially an old fart.

  31. Happy Birthday!

    It’s a tragedy, truly, that you can’t get a record deal. Just goes to show that talent and good looks mean NOTHING in this world. I’m struggling with that myself.

  32. I think he’d have already call if you’d have sung a Cowboy Mouth song. Too bad you didn’t watch my videos.

  33. I hope you’re the next Ne-Yo, in that you’re apparently sort of famous, but I’ve never heard of you.

  34. Happy birthday!

    What? No set list? I need to know what you were singing!

  35. Happy birthday! I would totally come see you in concert if you went on tour. (Assuming of course that you’d give me free tickets.)

  36. You air guitar? Today you are my favorite person. Happy birthday!

  37. Happy Birthday! Mines on Thursday. YAY for Scorpios.

  38. Happy Birthday. Defnitately wildly successful. They will regret their decision to not sign you.

  39. Happy Birthday! I’m sure your birthday will bring forth a hilarious tale of some sort. Do not fail me. 🙂

  40. Admitting to actually karaoke-ing is like admitting that you only have one ball, or your balls are lopsided, or you have to take viagra. You just don’t do it.

    Happy Birthday!

  41. Ahhh happy birthday! My post today rips on guitar players, but I forgot to mention that AIR guitar players are completely exempt from my hating and also they get a million extra points for being awesome.

  42. happy birthday.

    and dammit, we need to see karaoke together asap.

  43. Everyone – Thanks for all the birthday wishes. If I live until tomorrow it will be because of your love and not because I didn’t die.

  44. Happy Birthday!! And yeah by the looks of these promo pics you should definitely be signed 😉

  45. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Wish I coulda been there.
    ps- you suck old man! 😉

  46. I would totally buy your album for some random 14 year-old. You rock!

    Happy Birthday, welcome to the old.

  47. Awesome birthday tribute. Happy Birthday. And I grant you one hall pass to keep celebrating all week long. So long as you report about it here!

  48. I hope RocAFella Records gets back to you to make your birthday just as awesome as Saturday night was.

  49. What? I wasn’t there so this was an incomplete list of finest individuals on the planet.

  50. tia

    happy birthday!

    old dudes rule.

  51. Happy Birthday!

    The air guitar move?

    Ahhh….be still my heart.

  52. Happy Birthday!!!

    can I please tell you that my favorite picture is one that is not posted on here… the one where Ari has her shoes off and someone commented about her being from WV. LOL!

  53. Awww Chris… Happy Birthday!!!!!

  54. I laughed my ass off on this one. epic.

    Happy (belated) Birthday!!! 🙂


    Jesus, you are so damn old. 🙂

  56. Jamming Out is always needed, and you, sir, have a future.

  57. Happy birthday old balls.

  58. Yay! Now you’re old like me!

  59. Let me be the millionth person to wish you happy birthday. But I’m late enough to be the last one, right?
    Where do you karaoke in Brooklyn? It is important that I know.

  60. your face in the last pic is my hands down favorite.

  61. You should call your mother and thank her for having you. Happy Birthday! 🙂

  62. Happy birthday! You make some very valid points

  63. You’ve got natural talent written all over your face. Oh no wait…you’re just drunk.

    Either way I hope you had a great birthday.

  64. Far

    HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! looks like you had a blast

  65. happy belated birthday!

    looks like it was fabulous, woo.

  66. Love the last pic. Despite the new singer trying to completely edge you out of the picture, you persevere!

    Happy belated birthday boy band man.

  67. Hooray, Happy Birthday!!!

    Sorry I missed it!


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