the heart of the matter

I’ve never been a big fan of brunch, mostly because I tend to judge things before I actually give them a chance.  I’m sure that logic will eventually catch up to me when I’m banished to Hell for telling God that “Heaven probably sucks anyway,” but for now, that’s how I roll.

But despite my previous judgments otherwise, my opinion of brunch changed for the better yesterday, and I think the reason was that I missed the entire point of the activity.

I used to hate brunch for these Scientific Reasons: 1) It’s too close to lunch time.  If I wanted eggs and all that stuff, I’d have them when I woke up, not at noon. 2) It’s too close to breakfast.  The internal conflict of whether or not I should have something to eat before brunch is enough to drive me insane. 3) During football season, brunch can run dangerously close to interfering with the one o’clock games, and missing football is something that makes me angrier than Amy Winehouse when she loses her crack pipe.

However, yesterday, when Ari and I went to brunch at a place by our apartment and we had A Good Time, I finally figured out what brunch is meant for – getting drunk before noon!

We both talked about things that I now forget because we were drinking and we laughed at a grown woman hula-hooping outside, it was great.

And because we were both drunk, I’d Think About Things which seemed grand at the time but were only really grand because I couldn’t stand up straight and it was 11:47 AM.

After that brunch, I am officially converted.  Today I awoke a brunch fan, and maybe sometime we can all get brunch together, too.

I do hope you drink though, because by the time I’m on my second mimosa you might be questioning why you’re friends with me in the first place.


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59 responses to “the heart of the matter

  1. I cannot drink at brunch. I’m absolutely useless after that because either I have to keep drinking or I have to go to bed.

    Either way though, not a bad way to spend a Sunday.

  2. OMG!

    I was first today!

    What do I win?

  3. Brunch is huge here in Canada (probably because of the whole British thing). Y’see, the thing of it is that you’re NOT supposed to have breakfast before going to brunch… it’s for when you wake up after having slept in. And, as everyone knows, getting drunk almost immediately upon waking is the grown-up version of Pop Tarts and orange juice: a morning necessity.

    Of course, I’m told that New Yorkers never sleep anyway, so maybe that’s why we have different takes on the brunch conundrum… or, as I like to call it, the brunundrum.

  4. You would have eggs when you woke up and not at noon? Don’t you normally wake up AT noon?

    Your logic is flawed my friend.

    And your Steelers got screwed on that last second touchdown – way to ruin my point spread.

  5. deutlich

    That’s exactly why we had an Easter Brunch this year. I think we killed about 7 bottles of champagne.


  6. Mimosas are the only reason to have brunch. I’m glad you finally figured this out.

  7. I’m so glad you changed your mind about brunch. I LOVE brunch. Mimosas are the best…and I find that there are so many funny things to talk about during a nice relaxing weekend brunch. Way to be open minded.

  8. nancypearlwannabe

    Brunch is really the only socially acceptable time to drink before noon. Other than college, I mean.

  9. Since you’ve converted you’re officially invited to my 4th Annual Pre-Thanksgiving Brunch. Held this coming Sunday at my place. There’ll be food. There’ll be coffee. There’ll be mimosas. How could there be anything wrong with this?!

  10. Brunch B4 noon? I’m so confused.
    Brunch is my favorite meal but a real NYC brunch starts somewhere after noon and consists of several hours of eating and drinking and hanging out with friends. Really, if done correctly, it’s the only meal you need on Sundays.

  11. i have no idea how you’ve lived this long without this realization. brunch (as you can imagine) is perfect for drunks/hungover people. it’s late enough that you can make it there before it’s over and early enough to catch you before your head starts pounding like a bad nightclub.

  12. I’ve never done brunch. I do enjoy the thought of being drunk before noon though.

  13. Matt

    Brunch is a great thing.

    You can sleep in and still get breakfast- without having to worry if you missed the 11:00am McDonalds deadline.

  14. This is exactly why I’ve loved brunch for as long as I have! Vodka in the form of Bloody Mary’s at 10am and no one judges you??? Sign me up.

  15. Exactly what Crissy said.

    Although, yesterday I had a margarita at one o’clock and after a few hours I was fine again.

    So maybe I can have ONE mimosa.

  16. You JUST discovered brunch?! Best thing ever–and for exactly that reason. What better way to recap the previous nights debauchery than over mimosas and bloody marys?

  17. I LOVE brunch. Brunch was sent to us by God to make us happy. It has all things (eggs and vodka? pancakes and steak?), knows all things (Yes, I would like syrup on everything!) and is usually super cheap. Not to mention if you go to the right place, you can get free refills on brunch cocktails. At what other meal can you get free refills on alcohol? Not dinner, that’s for damn sure!

  18. The weird thing about brunch is that it is socially justifiable boozing, but in a very narrow way.

    If you have a shot of tequila you’re a drunk. If you have a mimosa you’re “having brunch”.

  19. My favorite thing in the world is getting drunk at brunch and then going home to sleep it off. Then, you wake up and have some wine with dinner. The only thing better than getting drunk is getting drunk TWICE in one day.

  20. helloooooo champagne before noon is the best thing you can do with your sunday. glad you’ve seen the light.

  21. I just noticed that I typed my own name wrong. My work computer doesn’t remember my settings so I have to re-type it each time.

    I spelled my own name wrong. Winner!

  22. Dan views a brunch as a challenge to get his money’s worth. He won’t eat bread, since that will fill you up. He will eat the fish, anything made by person run station (omelettes, waffles, etc) sushi, and meats.

    I will drink my money’s worth instead.

    Guess who goes home happy.

    Your right!
    C. None of us

  23. I love brunch. I struggle with the whole “should I eat before” issue, but usually I can plan brunch early enough that I can sleep right up until I have to leave.

    Last brunch I had was probably one of the best meals of my life.

    Great…now I want scrambled eggs.

  24. kristen – You win getting to meet me! Yay?

    aine – I can never last long enough until brunch. I am a constant eater. I’m even eating right now.

    narm – I know, that was totally a fix. I’m just glad we got the win though, with how shitty our offense has been lately.

    deutlich – I want to come next year.

    marie – You and I both.

    hbee – That might be the first time anyone has ever called me “open minded,” so thank you.

    nancypearl – And football games!

    word – I am down.

    single – I don’t sleep in anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but no matter what, I’m up by 10:30.

    jenny – I have seen the light!

    jamie – Try it, it’ll impress you I swear.

    matt – Oh man, that used to scare the hell out of me.

    lily – It’s perfect really.

    kiala – I feel so badly for you.

    ashley – Well, not just discovered, just figured out that I like it. So I’m going to do it all the time now. Until I get arrested for public drunkeness that is.

    kate – We got a free drink right off the top, which is what sent us into a day filled with mimosas.

    arjewtino – I know! It’s bullshit. Next time I’m getting a shot and staring down anyone who has a problem with it.

    lemmonex – I think we’d be great friends if we ever met. You are a woman after my own heart.

    ang – Me too. I needed more excuses to get drunk.

    aine – You’ll always be a winner to me.

    inreallife – At least you’re drunk though.

    stealth – Get some! And a mimosa while you’re at it.

  25. I don’t care what it’s called…as long as I’m fed properly!

  26. Hula hooping is the new pole dancing. You heard it here first.

  27. Hooray, brunch!

    We are totally having a nationwide blogging brunch get-together. It’ll be a rollicking good time!

    I’m already drunk.

  28. There’s a place by us called the Chip Shop (5th Ave and 6th St.) that serves a full English Breakfast with free refills on mimosas and coffee for $13 total. It’s grrr-eat. For the record. And such.

  29. jay grochalski

    i do brunch at home, usually a bagel with butter and a tall glass of scotch. i find it makes the CBS combo of yinzers (marino/cower) go down better.

  30. i love brunch because of the bloody mary’s.

  31. Mmm… mimosas and bloody marys are some of my all time favorites. I think you just made me a brunch fan too!

  32. I find that where I go to brunch will very often dictate how the rest of my day will go.

    The place with $1 mimosas and the great tofu scramble? No problem- I’ll have two and be fine (however loopy) for the rest of the day.

    The punk rock bar with the amazing food and $3 bloodies and screwdrivers that are essentially 7/8 vodka and 1/8 mix in a pint glass? I will be rendered retarded for the rest of the day and my ass will be firmly planted on the couch for no less than 8 hours.

    God, how I love brunch.

  33. Did you get drunk off of mimosas?

    It’s happened to me. by mistake.

  34. I do like brunch because it’s the only time you can feel like a fancy boy for drinking before noon.

  35. For me, brunch is one of those things that’s just inherently part of New York. So much so, that in these parts it’s just known as “late breakfast, we slept in” or “fuck it, let’s have eggs at one in the afternoon.”

  36. Ben

    I think your purpose of brunch is MY purpose of hanging out with my mother.

  37. welcome to the club!!! i love me some brunch, i could eat brunch every day. perhaps then i wouldn’t be as special but you get the point.

    make your own bloody mary bars are my favorite.

  38. I assume this means you’ll be taking me out again next Sunday.

  39. Sunday brunches – soothing many a MILF walk of shame, one mimosa at a time.

  40. akilah – Well yeah, that’s a good point.

    melissa – You’re a visionary.

    jen – Hahaha – good for you.

    brooklyn – Damn! I’m gonna have to check that out!

    dutchess – The champagne of orange juice!

    jay – I hate Phil Simms the most. I’d murder him if I ever saw him.

    brookem – I can’t do tomato juice, no way.

    kellie – Do it!

    whiskey – It is really great, isn’t it?

    rs – Yes. But on purpose.

    pistols – I was such a fancy boy.

    noelle – I guess so, though I hate that it’s considered “so NY.”

    ben – Hahaha – sounds like me during the holidays.

    alexa – Yeah, if you did brunch then came into work it wouldn’t be very fun. For other people, not you.

    ari – If you play your cards right.

    sonny – Hahaha – nice.

  41. I don’t understand how you’ve gone so long without understanding the greatness of brunches. There is nothing better in life than a mimosa before noon.

  42. k8

    We never made it to the restaurant usually. Making mimosas at home renders one incapable of making decisions such as where to go and whether or not to take a shower first. So we’d just end up drunk on the couch in our pajamas. God I loved being an alcoholic sometimes.

  43. mimosa’s and bloody marys make the world go round (at least at brunch they do..hehe)

  44. Ah…Mimosas and Bellini’s are the only reason brunch exists…but husband drinks neither. I only brunch with girlfriends, and that never happens often enough.

  45. Brunch is nothing without booze.

  46. brunch is not brunch without a lot of mimosas.

  47. I heart brunch. Especially when you’re offered a choice of either mimosa or bloody mary.
    It’s grand.

  48. i love brunch. i don’t do it often enough (that’s what she said).

    i’m a big fan of bloody marys and not so much mimosas. but there is a bar in chicago that does AYCE brunch for $15 with mimosas included AND they have berry mimosas, which are far more my style.

  49. shit. i was hoping no one saw me hula-hooping on brooklyn yesterday. at least everyone knows my favorite pastime now.

  50. Drunk before noon on a Sunday? Count me in.

  51. You know what’s awesome? Champagne brunch in Las Vegas.

  52. tia

    i love brunch. “breakfast” is always way too early for me.

  53. I’m just a little concerned about your assertion that you would eat eggs when you got up rather than at noon… because if these aren’t the very same thing on the weekend, there is something wrong with you.

    Also, I love the excuse for Hollandaise sauce on everything. mmmmmmm

  54. Oh, if there’s alcohol going I will ALWAYS drink.

    (I’m not an alcoholic. As my friend says “alcoholics go to meetings.” I don’t.)

  55. Red

    First, appreciate that you live in New York. You can’t get good, cheap brunches in many other places.

    Second, I’ve always maintained that brunch is one of the vestiges of civilization in a world gone to the dogs. But your story makes me wonder.

  56. and this is why Sunday before we all go home from Boston in June we need to have an unlimited mimosas brunch 🙂

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