a healthier you

It’s winter again, and with that comes people freaking out over going outside with their hair wet.  Every winter I hear it: “Oh no, my hair’s wet, I’m going to get sick!”

No.

No you’re not.

You get sick from germs, okay.  Germs.  You remember Bald Man sneezing behind you while you were waiting on line to buy that sweater (blue does not look good on you, by the way)?  That’s how you get sick.

You remember Hacking Old Lady in the elevator yesterday, who may or may not have been checking you out which may or may not have turned you on in an “I think I have problems” kind of way?  That’s how you get sick.

It’s not from your hair being wet.

You want to take a shower and step out into the freezing winter day with nothing but your socks on?  Go ahead.  You won’t get sick from it.  You might, depending on how many Fried Foods Tuesdays you’ve enjoyed, scar people who see you for life, but you won’t catch a cold.

If you really don’t want to get sick this year, how about washing your hands once in awhile?  Maybe instead of not washing up after you take a piss because you have to rush back to your work computer to see if anyone wants to gchat with you (they see the green “available” dot and they are not taking the bait dude, let it go) you take a minute and scrub those hands.

It doesn’t matter though. You’re probably reading this and thinking that it makes sense, but you still don’t believe me, and that’s fine.

But just remember, I’m a guy who you’ve never met who also writes a blog, and that makes me an Expert About Everything.

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63 Comments

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63 responses to “a healthier you

  1. This post made me feel dirty. Thank goodness for the hand sanitizer.

  2. So is it ok to kick someone who coughs or sneezes on you? Because that’s what I’m tempted to do when people are inconsiderate like that.

  3. You’re right! It’s sniffle season so break out the Purell people! This reminds me of the time I wanted to buy a hot dog from a sniffling street vendor one winter. This Guinness Book-worthy snot string started coming out his nose and it was the longest I’ve ever seen! And it never broke! And he didn’t sniff it back in!! WTF?! Turned me off sauerkraut for a while…

  4. Oh, nice going, real cool, man – just encourage overly obsessive annoying Purel guy. Now he feels validated and he gets to come into my office rubbing his hands together and smelling like rubbing alcohol 14 more times today. Seriously, man – thanks a lot, real cool.

  5. Ben

    What if your hair gets wet from someone’s epic sneeze? That could get you sick right?

  6. deutlich

    It amazes me how many chicks don’t bother washing their hands after they wipe.

    And by amazes, I mean grosses me the fuck out.

  7. Jo

    I heard that germs grow in your nose when it gets cold.

    True or false?

  8. Strangely, I went out with wet hair this morning.

    I already have a cold, and was going to the pharmacy for meds, so I figured that it wouldn’t make much difference.

    I didn’t sneeze on anyone though.

  9. My office just blocked gChat. Now I have to access it from my CrackBerry.

    I do, however, wash my hands.

  10. It seems the germs prefer the winter months. They seem to reak more havoc on the poor old ladies around this time of year. Tissue sales (not cells) also skyrocket in the winter, but this could also be from incessant masturbation brought on from intolerable weather.

  11. Matt

    Its kind of cool when my hair freezes into little hair icicles. I promote going outside with wet hair.

  12. Wet hair + cold weather => chilliness => lower immunities => death

    So, in a nutshell, wet hair = death.

    It’s a scientific fact.

    And you’re wrong about the blue, too.

    True, dat: My hair is wet right now and it’s 33 degrees here. It’s been a good life.

  13. I’ve been fighting this war with my mother for (what I’m guessing is) 22 years (because I’m assuming I didn’t get to the “no” phase until I was three). I win battles, oh yes, but she wields that Jewish guilt like a bayonet during the Civil War.

    The worst part is I’m pretty positive this means I’m either going to be the biggest stickler ever for my own (not-yet-existent) munchkin or get into huge fights with the (nye) wife because I’ll side with the kid not wanting to bundle up.

    Also, Chris is my No. 3 go-to resource for knowledge after Wikipedia and Maxim. He just edges out the Bathroom Reader, because I am more often on a computer than the toilet.

  14. And all this time I thought thinking impure thoughts made you sick.

  15. So Chris…my broken pinkie….is it the Cancer?

  16. You won’t get sick but you’ll freeze. Literally. I’ve walked to classes with frozen hair. It wasn’t frozen when I left but when I got there I had hairsicles.

    Actually, damn you, b/c this whole wet hair/hat issue was in my writing reserves for the cold weather.

  17. The guy I am dating told me “that’s how people get sick” when I suggested cracking a window in my furnace of a room this weekend.

    I called him “Nana” for the rest of the day.

  18. wet hair in the cold gives you a brain freeze

  19. I love it when you look out for my well being.

  20. I’ve been saying this for years and no one ever listens. Thanks for spreading the word.

  21. Ben

    I just reviewed my comment and got really grossed out.

  22. I always wash my hands.

  23. Ay. Men.

    Have you ever been in the bathroom with a coworker and seen them leave without washing their hands and then you start acting all weird around them (refusing to use their pens, using your sleeve to open the door after them, pointing and laughing, etc.) and they’re all “yo bitch whaddup witchu?” and you don’t wanna be all “daaaaaa-yum, you gots to be washin’ dem paws all up in ‘ayer!” and then your boss starts asking both of you why you’re talking like that in the first place?

    Yeah. It happens.

  24. mermanda – But not dirty in a good way.

    marie – Yes.

    akilah – Wow, that is fucking nasty.

    narm – But I hear he’s actually an alright guy.

    ben – Yes and if that happens, tell the person who sneezed that much to get to a hospital.

    deutlich – Yeah, me too.

    jo – False!

    astharis – Well that’s a start.

    word – Blocked gchat??? That’s grounds for terrorism.

    broke – I think it’s the masturbation thing.

    matt – You are a trend setter.

    lacochran – It was nice knowing you.

    brooklyn – Hahaha – excellent comment dude.

    sara – No way, they make you happy.

    kiala – Sadly Kiala, it is. I’m sorry. You can blame it on San Fran.

    stealth – Sorry!

    lemmonex – And then you dumped him, right?

    chele – I miss those.

    gwen – This is what I do.

    lindz – Together we can change the world!

    ben – Well, yeah, it’s a pretty bad mental image.

    hbee – You’re one of few.

    aine – Hahaha – tell your boss to hire me please.

  25. Yeah. You’re an Expert on Everything except for how nice I look in blue.

    You don’t know shit about that because it IS my color.

  26. Thank you!
    It drives me fucking crazy when people say that.
    My wet hair wil not make me ill, your putrid germs will you carrier monkey!

  27. This post is making me want to wash my hands right now even though I am an avid hand washer after the bathroom. I keep sanitizer on my desk b/c it grosses me out when certain of my co-workers touch my pens/mouse/paper, etc. There’s some that you just KNOW don’t wash their hands after the bathroom and in essence it would be like me touching their dick in a 2nd hand sort of way and that makes me gag.

  28. You are right. I should not have bought that sweater.

    Also, that Hacking Old Lady is total hotness. What’s the problem? So is the Sniffling, Mentally Disabled Woman With The Mail Cart. I would do them both in a heartbeat.

    Ben’s comment is so awesome it deserves a picture.

  29. Red

    If only you were my mother. Or EG. He bought me a hair dryer once because it drove him crazy that I kept walking out with wet hair.

  30. Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?! All this worrying and for nothing!

  31. Far

    agreed! was your god damn hands even if you dont touch your willy i dont care wash!!

    sorry i had this very rant a while ago and the memories all came flooding back lol

    btw do old hacking women in elevators who check you out turn you on?? is THIS who us good women are losing out to?

  32. jay grochalski

    i agree. but going outside with wet hair still makes you look like a lazy asshole who only woke up about 5-minutes ago….and we don’t like lazy assholes in america.

  33. I love Fried Food Tuesdays.

  34. OH! You are supposed to wash your hands AFTER you go to the bathroom.

    *scribbles on note pad beside keyboard*

  35. I believe you!!! A health warning AND hilarity all in one – you’ve reached new levels of blog supremacy, Chris!!!

  36. I fucking love this post. I want to print it out, wrap it around a brick, and then hit people (who say “oh no, my hair’s wet, I’m going to get sick!”) in the face with it.

  37. I think lacochran had it right. Perhaps someone else can dress it up better in scientific leet speak but I always thought the gist of it was this:
    There are germs all over the place. You’ve got about 100 different reasons to be sick right now but you’re not sick because your immune system is kicking ass. The less energy you have (lack of sleep) or the more energy you have to burn (wet hair, lack of clothes), the less energy there is for the immune system to burn on ass-kicking.

    Hence, wet hair = sickness.

    Unless you are a Boy in a Bubble who lives in a germ free environment in which case I suppose it’s alright.

  38. I don’t believe in germs or dinosaurs or the moon.

  39. but , but , but , that’s what my mommy always told me!

    well, that wouldn’t be the first lie she told me. i’m still bitter about that whole santa claus thing.

  40. Right on brother! I’m a big time wet head…no sickypoo here.

  41. kristen – You say that about every color.

    sassy – Hahaha – I think the solution is calling them carrier monkeys.

    kellie – Exactly.

    stoogepie – They’ve got a heart beat, right?

    red – Wow, that is pretty extreme.

    megkathleen – I’m sorry!

    far – Well, she did have a nice ass…

    jay – But we should.

    erin – And it loves you too.

    milly – Class dismissed.

    paula – Next: convincing Kim Kardashian that I’m not a stalker.

    todd – That is a solid idea. Literally.

    northern – I’m confused.

    rs – Not even dinosaurs? That’s a sad life.

    alexa – You have to let it go.

    vanessa – Fight the system.

  42. My grandma once asked if I got an ear infection because I went out in the rain.

  43. Nej

    We just had this exact same conversation at work yesterday. Why do people not get it???

    And remember, bald man sneezing on you is sick….and he has no hair.

  44. why doesn’t anyone ever want to GChat with me??

  45. so if wet hair in cold weather doesn’t make you sick… why do they call it a cold?

  46. I love you a little for Fried Foods Tuesdays. My love match will now have to be all about this or I’m not bothering to take a second look.

  47. tia

    we should all carry around hand sanitizer in spray form and use it liberally, like mace!

    that would be awesome.

    disinfecting the world, one step at a time.

  48. toe

    You are absolutely right. Being cold does not make one sick. But being turned on by oldie moldy hacking lady, well, that’s just a different kind of sick altogether.

  49. Blue looks good on everyone.

  50. Pam

    I LOVED your post. I was arguing with my friend the other week when I came to the outdoor fire pit and she yelled at me and told me I was going to get sick. Then proceeded to run inside and grab me a hat. *roll eyes* I told her it was a lie and that I went ice skating with wet hair all the time and never got sick. But seeing that I live in the south, people are a little more stubborn then I am use to.

    By the by, blue is my favorite color.

  51. My mom is a microbiologist, and she has been telling me this my entire life.

    Also, Tia, if we all use hand sanitizer, we just create super-bugs.

    Also also? I was Somewhere Cold once, and I walked outside after a shower, and my hair did freeze! Crazytown!

    (How many ladies started gchatting with you after this, Christopher?!?) 😉

  52. You know what does suck though about going outside in the winter with wet hair? It freezes. I can’t tell you the number of times I had to pry my locks apart in high school because I walked to class with soaking wet hair.

  53. gmail makes me lonely too. nobody ever chats me.

  54. This is why I carry around antibacterial hand crap.

    And yet I’m still sick 😦

    It’s probably from swapping spit with hotties.

    Whammy.

  55. I get sick all the time. And I wash my hands like crazy. So… I dunno dude.

  56. i keep hand sanitizer in my purse, yeah i’m that girl.

  57. True dat. My throat is sore and I never wash my hair…

  58. True story.
    I had my hair freeze tons of times in the winter. I did not get sick.
    Why my hair froze is a secret I’d like to keep.

  59. It’s also the time of year for people to say things like “it’s too cold to snow” which might happen on the South Pole, but not in Portland OR. Or “the ground’s too wet for the snow to stick.” These people make me very angry.

  60. Pingback: Do Ya Think I’m Sexy « Recovering Californian

  61. :O

    But you don’t have any hair! 😉

  62. r432

    If you get ticked off about this enough to write a rant… you must have a miserable life.

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