the past and present

I’m a big pop culture fan even though it’s taken me awhile to realize that.  I think it has something to do with Teenage Chris thinking all things popular were stupid, which incidentally might have been the reason I had trouble getting laid.

In fact, if I could write a note to Teenage Chris now, I’d probably say something like “Dear Dumbass, knowing things about celebrities is infinitely more attractive to girls than angry poems and the fact that you think Jim Morrison was a genius.”

But Teenage Chris wouldn’t listen because in high school, actors were the losers. Actors were the dorks who didn’t smoke cigarettes and didn’t want to get drunk, listen to Wu-Tang and try desperately to get into some hot brunette’s pants.

And I think that is why it took me so long to embrace my love of all things “pop.”  If actors were such losers when I was young – why am I supposed to think they’re so cool now?

Obviously, pop culture extends far beyond actors and actresses, but this has always been the part that makes me resistant to embracing the entire scene.

Take George Clooney.

Clooney is the essence of cool, barely beating out Brad Pitt (though I have been one to vehemently argue that Pitt would actually be cooler if Angelina Jolie hadn’t eaten his soul).

I would love to be Clooney.  It’s the old cliche – women love him and men want to be him.

But in high school, Clooney was no doubt a huge loser.  He went to an extremely prissy school in the United Kingdom where he fell in love with acting, then moved back to Kentucky, where he went to high school.

I don’t know about you, but any kid who went to school in Europe and came back wanting to star in hopelessly terrible plays was considered a dork at my school.

I guarantee you Clooney was getting beat up daily and probably had more wedgies than he would care to admit.

But now, suddenly, he is cool.

I suppose the fact that earning an extraordinary amount of money and sleeping with beautiful women is the reason that he is perceived as cool, but it still bothers me.

So much so that maybe I’d even add, “P.S. – Go beat up that whiny actor kid in seventh period” to that note to Teenage Chris.

At least then I’d feel a little better about things.


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47 responses to “the past and present

  1. I’ve always preferred rock stars to actors. And yeah, the Drama Club at my school was pretty much a cesspool of freaks. And I mean, I like freaks and all, but let’s not go crazy.

    Rock stars are the exception.

  2. you know, all schools in the UK are like that, right?

    I had no idea.

  3. Meghan

    If George Clooney was as hott (not the 2 t’s for the wow factor) then as he is now, he probably still got laid.


  4. I dunno. He was pretty hot in The Facts of Life and he was like 20 or something then.

    I bet when he was 19 he was ugly.

  5. Rachel

    While you’re at it–can you go behind the bleachers and beat up Patrick Dempsey…McDreamy is just McDorky all grown up.

    Done and done.

  6. You know, that’s not a terrible post script to add. Then, when that kid becomes all rich and famous, you get to say that you beat the living snot out of him in 11th grade. Celebrity abuse stories are ALWAYS good stories to tell at the bar.


  7. I wish I had beat up more nerds in high school.

    Did I just write that?

    Yes and I know what you mean.

  8. Ben

    So…how many beautiful people do you have to sleep with before you’re automatically sexy by osmosis? Just curious.

    I’m going to say 73.

  9. George was probably always hot. And yes, him and I are on a first name basis.

    Um, no I’m not imagining things.

    I believe you.

  10. Matt

    I’m alot like George Clooney.

    Minus the money and hot chicks.

    but at least I havent ever lived in Kentucky.

    And you are cool because of that.

  11. Brunettes are hot.

    That was what this post was about, right?

    Yes it was.

  12. I’m fairly confident George Clooney’s voice could beat me up. It wouldn’t even be much of a fight.

    And in high school we don’t know about the real world and what 9-to-5 feels like. Now we realize JUST how good these guys have it. It’s just like – wait, shit – break’s over, nevermind.

    I bet you were gonna say something really awesome.

  13. I hate to break it to you, bit I think ol’ George was always cool and sexy. Some people are just lucky like that. He was smart enough to make his deal with the devil early and intelligently, unlike you or I.
    WE made the unfortunate rookie mistake of drunkenly trading our souls for a cheeseburger that one time in the early 90’s after the Young MC show, while George opted to trade for wealth, good looks, fame and sex appeal.

    Damn, that was a good cheeseburger.

    Hell yes it was.

  14. deutlich

    Clooney = hot cakes.

    But he was a dork in high school, I swear it!

  15. I was in drama club. Nobody ever touched my boobs. I liked poems too. Still no boob touching.

    I am seeing the error of my ways. Thanks for enlightening me.

    If your boobs need touched, come to NY. My best friend is single, cool and ready to touch your boobs.

  16. jay grochalski

    I still think Jim Morrison was a genius…except for The Soft Parade. The world could do without The Soft Parade.

    Ugh, don’t even get me started on Soft Parade.

  17. I’m not gonna lie, I think he got to be so cool because he had a pot bellied pig as a pet. And it was the longest relationship he’d had. That’s awesome.

    That is very awesome.

  18. I can’t believe anyone has ever going back to Kentucky willingly…

    I know, it just doesn’t seem real.

  19. S

    Darn Angelina!!

    She is the devil.

  20. Jim Morrison IS a genius. 😉

    But then again, so is George, just in different manners of course.


  21. Red

    As someone with both a B.A. in Theatre and an M.F.A. in Acting, I can assure you that by the time they got to college, actors were VERY interested in both getting drunk and getting laid. There were a couple of guys at my undergrad in particular who should have come with warning labels. One of them is now on a Crest commercial. But the actors I know who didn’t get as much action were still plenty interested in it.

    Yeah, but that’s college! Everyone wants ass and beer in college! Aside from the professors of course. No wait, I take that back.

  22. yet another way you remind me of my 4yr old neice… she’s always saying “because i’m your best friend”

    It works, right?

  23. Well, I like to think we all become a bit cooler with age…even Clooney. God knows Teenage Lemm was a hot mess.

    That’s a good point, but I was pretty cool in high school and I still am.

  24. Did anyone in the drama club get laid in high school?

    I mean, I wasn’t in drama club, nor did I get laid. I’m just curious.

    I am going to say no.

  25. All the thespians at my school would make out in the hallways and wear black trench coats and not wash their hair because it was cool.

    Pop culture is good to know, especially for Trivial Pursuit, but no one wanted to be one of those theater kids.

    I will school you in The Pursuit – you wanna play?

  26. Also, every attractive woman in interviews claims to have been unpopular, and no one asked her to the prom. So I’d go back to high school Pistols and tell him to nail every single ugly chick, because one day, one of them would grow up to be a Molly Sims equivalent and the high fives would never stop.

    Can I do this too? I’ll totally give you credit.

  27. I don’t know…I think Clooney was probably that one drama kid in HS who was actually cool. The girls love him because he refuses to settle down. That’s his secret.

    Well, he is smarter than me, that’s for sure.

  28. idontliketoread

    I was the fucking man in high school, come to think of it, I’m still the fucking man… I can’t relate to this post, gotta go now, on my way to dinner w/lots of hot celebs.

    You do you son!

  29. I’m sorry, what was the rest of your post about? As soon as read “George Clooney” I orgasmed…..

    So did I. You got a cigarette?

  30. “But now, suddenly, he is cool.” ?? Dude, Clooney’s been the shit for more than a decade! Where have you been? Ha.

    I’ve been in my home base perfecting my super powers that will one day crush all who walk the earth.

  31. I’m just as cool as Clooney!
    I’m rich and sleep with hot guys…in my dreams. Dreams can be reality….

    I agree.

  32. I have nothing witty for you today, but I’m still here, punching my timecard.

    I appreciate that.

  33. Oh no! Angry poems? I’m gonna take a big leap here and say that we probably, most definately would not have been friends in highschool. I was in show choir and drama club. And I was totally cool. Okay that’s a lie. Because, no…no I wasn’t.

    No we would not have been friends. Unless you were hot. Then I probably would have tried to show that I thought you were hot by completely ignoring you.

  34. I like George Clooney, and your new comment response system.

    I’m not sold on it yet, I think it takes longer. But I have you and some other bloggers to thank for the idea.

  35. i love GC. i even love GC when he is strutting that mustache that he currently is rockin’.

    and your knowledge of all things pop is why i heart you. i’m glad you have come to terms with it.

    That makes me feel better. Thank you.

  36. “Clooney is the essence of cool, barely beating out Brad Pitt (though I have been one to vehemently argue that Pitt would actually be cooler if Angelina Jolie hadn’t eaten his soul).”

    I picture her head on a praying mantis body. It’s not that hard to do–she’s lost a lot of weight.

    Hahaha – I am loving that mental image. Awesome.

  37. I’ve always preffered Clooney over Pitt. Clooney seems more normal and well rounded, likeable. Almost like an average guy in an above average looking body. While Pitt is just a little too weird for me. He just has that strange guy vibe about him.

    But see, that’s my point – I think it’s only because of Jolie that you think Pitt is odd now. Pitt without Jolie would’ve continued on his path and made some really great movies. Now he’s just a lifeless pod.

  38. idontliketoread

    wait a minut bro, before you pawn me off for boob touching you should know there is a rigorous screening process:
    1. does said girl have boobies?
    2. when do I touch the boobies?
    only after this test has been passed will boob touching happen

    Hahaha – This is the perfect test.

  39. I didn’t think George Clooney was hot until about 2 years ago. Up until then I just thought he was an old man who old women thought were hot. All of a sudden though I’m finding him attractive. I guess that means I am officially old. That sucks goat balls.

  40. George Clooney was hot when he was still a zygote

  41. Actors are cool now because they got HOT. A little plastic surgery, a little Photoshopping — voila! We are a superficial society and we like pretty things. They are now pretty and therefore cool.

    Oh, and rich. Never hurts.


  42. Angelina totally stole Brad’s soul, but if it is any consolation, he was willing to give it to the highest bidder anyway. Ever notice how he morphed, hairstyle and all, into whatever girlfriend/wife he had?

    George Clooney would never do that.

  43. There is nothing I wouldn’t do with George Clooney.

  44. tia

    haha. so true about the high school “actors.” i was in drama and the boys always got the short end of it.

    the girls just got to be slutty and creative and shiz.

  45. What about poems about George Clooney? Those might have worked…

  46. My mom says I’m cool.

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