necessary evil

Talking about the hit show The Hills as a man will not get you anything from other guys aside from extreme looks of disapproval and maybe even a stern talking to, but this is because they don’t realize that men need The Hills.

More specifically, men need Spencer Pratt.

No one in recent memory has done as much to make other men look good as Spencer Pratt.

Every time a girlfriend demands to watch The Hills, and Pratt is featured in the episode, two things happen immediately after the show is over: 1) She will exclaim, “God I hate that Spencer!” and 2) She will look at her man, even though he still hasn’t done the dishes, and smile.

When Pratt vacations with his plastic-girl-with-questionable-musical-skills Heidi and stages an unofficial wedding after getting wasted, this makes all other men – no matter what they do – look great.

A man leaves his dirty socks on the dinner table?  No worries – Pratt has done worse.

A man stumbles home at 3:47 AM while drunkenly singing “You Get What You Give” (which happens to be one of the worst songs ever made)? No worries – Pratt has got him beat in next week’s episode.

Pratt is perhaps the worst man to ever walk the Earth – narrowly beating out Andy Dick – and that is the reason men should not be so opposed to The Hills.

A world without Pratt means that men would have to Be Romantic and Talk About Feelings, while a world with Pratt means that men simply get to be themselves.

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56 Comments

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56 responses to “necessary evil

  1. I’ve never seen The Hills, but I do take comfort knowing that there is a bigger asshole than myself out there making the rest of us look good.

    Exactly.

  2. Ben

    I feel left out with every blog post I read about The Hills. But then, I relish in the fact that I can still say I’ve never seen an episode and don’t know what anyone is talking about.

    But you know about Twilight, which is just as bad, if not worse, right?

  3. liz

    This is hilarious and so true. I have lowered my standards and demands just because Spencer has proven that there is so much worse out there.

    Guys are so lucky that show exists.

    Yes they are. A lot of them too.

  4. So who is the chick version of Spence Pratt? Because, I could really use a nasty drunken whore on TV to make me look good.

    Hmmm… I think Eric answers your question pretty well.

  5. yeah… I know it is SpenceR. My computer hates me.

    Right – you know you just like looking cool by calling him “Spence.”

  6. You too with The Hills? I cannot believe it.

    This makes me want to talk more about Edward and Twilight and Vampires.

    You’ve been warned.

    Thanks for warning me.

  7. jay grochalski

    the hills? i’m currently giving your blog extreme looks of disapproval, and am preparing a stern talking to.

    I understand completely.

  8. “So who is the chick version of Spence Pratt? Because, I could really use a nasty drunken whore on TV to make me look good.”

    That’s easy, just watch any VH1 reality show like Flavor of Love, of Real Chance at Love. There is no doubt that they’ve compiled the worst collection of women in America.

    Perfect answer. Although Destiny is pretty hot.

  9. I don’t watch The Hills. So I have nothing to comment about.

    Oh wait, I just commented didn’t I? I’m sorts of awesomeness today.

    Yes you are.

  10. This is kind of ironic, because I’m home sick today and one of my friends enthused that now is the perfect time for me to watch every episode of The Hills (like Ben, I have also never seen it.)

    I have terrible friends.

    There is never a perfect time to put yourself through that pain.

  11. deutlich

    I would bet money they didn’t really get married and it’s just a publicity stunt.

    It was – it’s not official. Yet…

    !!!

  12. I hate that guy. He’s just so annoying and ruins the show completely for me. Not that I watch it. Ok fine, maybe I do.

    That’s what I thought.

  13. Suz

    This is so true. He is possibly the biggest jerk ever on reality TV. I wonder why Heidi hasn’t come to her senses yet?

    Because Heidi is a complete moron.

  14. The Blazers beat the Kings last night, 109-77, led by Brandon Roy’s 29 points (15-15 from the line).

    Sorry. Thought you could use a little testosterone after mentioning That Show four times in one post.

    The Knicks almost won against the Lakers, which is kind of like a win for the Knicks.

  15. I think you’re just really, really stretching for an excuse to watch this show. I can’t go with you to that place.

    You must!

  16. rachel

    I didn’t realize how low you would stoop for some validation…

    Well now you know.

  17. Spencer Pratt is seriously a dick, so yes, you are current. He makes all men – every single one – look amazing in comparison. Heidi is, unfortunately yet clearly, a moron.

    Obviously.

  18. freakin Spencer Pratt!! he’s so creepy!

    You love him.

  19. love it! but i DO know a few guys who secretly love the hills themselves for who knows what, but i guess now i know why… and it’s a great reason…

    I hope this is the reason.

  20. I don’t watch the show or buy any magazines with them on it. If they are still around when Diana turns 9 I am sniping their asses so that she won’t think they are people that she should copy….

    I won’t rat you out to the cops either.

  21. Oh please. Did everyone not notice that the “wedding video” was taken during THE DAY? And they “decided” to get “married” at NIGHT?

    God, I love that show.

    Right – and what kind of “impromptu” wedding has a videographer and photographer ready to go? I knew you’d be into this post.

  22. Hahahahaha… I think that’s the reason why women look at the show as well. Even if you’re not hotter than the women on the show, you’re probably smarter, kinder and less tedious.

    Yes! Very good point.

  23. Spencer Pratt makes all people look good despite gender.

    That’s true.

  24. I think you need your own show (I suggested this to Crissy yesterday). You need to point this shit out to the masses!!

    I’m calling FOX right now.

  25. Spencer Pratt

    It really breaks my heart that no one gets that I am playing a character as myself on a “Reality Show.” The “Spencer Pratt” that you see is a commentary on the American Male as a whole and our inability to grow up. He’s crass, materialistic, ignorant, and emotionally myopic—you’re supposed to hate him. The real me enjoys listening to NPR, reading poetry, and helping to feed and clothe the needy. In fact, the only television I watch is PBS. So please, I ask you to not judge me, but rather use the Spencer Pratt you see on MTV as a jumping off point in understand how you can be a better man.

    In other words:
    Suck it, Apollo. Do you know how much money I make?

    Do you know what I do for a living Spencer? I’m a boxer. A boxer with nicknames including, but not limited to, “The Count of Monte Fisto” and “The King of Sting.” So if you want to fight, lets fight. Also, please ignore the fact that I died in the ring against a Russian named Drago.

  26. I have never watched Laguna Beach, The Hills or any spin-off, but I have seen this happen with my roommates and their boyfriends. Men do need SP. He makes everyone look so good.

    The proof is everywhere!

  27. Ah Spencer and his white beard. It’s like that new Claus character that Sprint made up this season. http://www.palm.com/textclaus/index.html?fbid=iBIlsFal8Sc

    Well that’s fucking weird.

  28. despite the last name red herring, andy dick is not actually a man.

    I knew it.

  29. I didn’t understand any of these words. Does this have to do with “Heroes” or “24”?

    Ah, the X-Men rip-off and the most overrated show ever.

  30. Spencer totally fails.

    In every way possible.

  31. I don’t watch this show but if Pratt is worse than Andy Dick, then he is aptly named “prat.”

    I would kill Andy Dick.

  32. I’m so glad you’re on our side with this!

    This is what I do.

  33. I feel that attention should be drawn to his creepy, flesh-colored beard, as well as his creepy personality.

    His beard is pretty damn creepy isn’t it?

  34. Ew. I dont watch The Hills but everytime I see a pic of Spencer I throw up a little in my mouth. His blonde facial hair makes me gag.

    Me too.

  35. Re: Heidi’s musical skills. Questionable? I think that’s being too nice.

    You’re right, should have called it “fucking terrible.”

  36. Where’s Hollywood Sucker?!? I need her to explain this post for me!!

    (She’s my expert on all things Hills.)

    Email her quick! She is the resident expert that’s for sure.

  37. rs27awesome

    You know girls?

    I’m missing out.

    I know three.

  38. J.

    Touche.
    But imagine how Edward Cullen make you guys look.
    Damn, huh?

    I hate that I even know what you’re talking about.

  39. S

    Truer words have never been blogged.

    Or something.

    That boy is shameful.

    I’m a truth dispenser. Like Pez, only no candy.

  40. you really nailed this one chris.

    should i email this to mtv now or later?

    Now please.

  41. I’ve also played a drinking game to The Hills in which you drink every time they say something overused or cliche. Basically you drink whenever Spencer speaks. Good things can come from this show!

  42. Storm

    The Hills is the worst show ever – I refuse to even watch it. But, from clips on The Soup, I have to agree that Spencer and his flesh-colored beard are 2 of the worst individuals in the history of reality television. Yes, his beard has a life of it’s own.

  43. Sometimes I find myself laughing at things Spencer says. And not laughing at him, but laughing with him and finding him funny. I know, I hate myself.

  44. Count this girl out. I wouldn’t watch a show like the Hills if you gagged me and tied me to your barcalounger.

    I would, however, participate in making fun of all the characters.

  45. You’re right. Every time I watch that show I yell at my tv about spencer. He’s a fucking idiot.

    well played, men. well played. How much are you paying him?

  46. this is the exact reasoning i gave to matt for me watching the hills. i told him he should love that i watch it because spencer makes him look like the most amazing boyfriend ever. plus when matt has facial hair, it doesn’t make him look like a creepy pedophile, ew.

  47. He is such an ass. His blonde facial hair creeps me out.

  48. you are right. there is no bigger douchebag than spencer.

  49. hahahah! ahh, your right.

  50. I will not be surprised, totally being honest here, if that guy turns into a serial killer. That “speech” before they got married? IT SCARED ME.

  51. tia

    spencer pratt and his creepy flesh colored beard are almost as evil as walmart.

  52. Dont watch the hills, so should my man worry that he’s not getting the freebie all other men who’s girlfriends DO watch the hills are getting?

  53. longredcape

    I have a co-worker/friend whose ringback tone is “You Get What You Give,” and every time I call her, I think, “why?”

    Seriously, that song is random as fuck. Why would you choose that song, and PAY to have that as your ringback tone?

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