this is what i’m thinking about right now

Let’s say two of your relatively close friends convince you to go camping, even though you tell them that you’d rather punch yourself in the face six times in a row. On the first day it rains the entire day and your one friend complains about how he misses his ex-girlfriend even though everyone knows she is a total bitch.  On the second day it rains the entire day and your other friend spends two hours trying to convince you that the B-52s were one of pop music’s most underrated bands. On the third day it stops raining and while you’re away looking for dry wood for a fire that night, you stumble upon a drunk leprechaun.  You don’t judge the leprechaun for being drunk at 10:37 in the morning, and because of your unexpected kindness, the leprechaun decides to (for the first time in his life) stop drinking completely and hands you three gold coins.  He tells you that they are each worth 46 million dollars, but only if you give two of them away.  You cannot keep them all for yourself.  You start to question this, but before you can get your argument out, the leprechaun scolds you for questioning him, saying, “I might be drunk, but I am still a leprechaun, and you, you are just a sad man camping.”  You decide the leprechaun is right.  You then thank the leprechaun, he thanks you, and you return to camp.

Do you give these two gold coins from the now recovering alcoholic leprechaun to your two friends (after all,  if they hadn’t convinced you to come camping, you would’ve never been given the gold in the first place) or do you give them to two other, less annoying people?


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60 responses to “this is what i’m thinking about right now

  1. i would feel massively guilty if i didn’t give them to the two friends i was with, even if they made me go camping (which i probably wouldn’t have done in the first place but i’m rolling with it – i mean, i’m contemplating what i would do with ridiculous valuable coins given to me by a leprechaun). because if i held out and gave them to someone else and word got out that i received the coins while on this camping trip, those friends would probably hate me.

    That’s true, if people found, you’d be a dead man. Or woman.

  2. Far

    lol your mind works in very strange ways mr!
    BUT I think i would keep one, give one to the friends to split and give the other to charity 🙂

    You lie – you would not give any to charity.

  3. that should be ridiculously….

    I got ya.

  4. You have a good point: If the friends didn’t convince you to camp, you wouldn’t have received the coins. And although they’re annoying, they are still your “relatively close friends,” which means aside from driving you crazy – and forcing you to camp, which, I mean, who would ever want to do? – they are your friends for a reason. Fork over two of the coins to them and then, shit, buy new friends with your millions…

    Good plan.

  5. Give one to the fiance and the other to your oldest, sickest relative that loves you the most.

    ….and now I’m going to hell….

    I’ll see you there.

  6. Matt

    One friend would turn around and give it to his ex girl.

    The other would spend the money on trying to get B-52’s back together.

    I could never let those things happen. Not because I am a bad friend but because I care.

    Hahaha – well played my friend.

  7. Yeah, the second choice… Give one to Ari and the other one to Jack. That way you stil have them all for yourself.

    *Insert mean laughter here*

    I like that idea a lot, obviously.

  8. hmmm, do you have to give it to a person, or can you, I don’t know, give it to a squirrel? Because between the two annoying ass friends and a squirrel…I would chose the squirrel.

    You could give it to a squirrel, but he’d probably just eat it.

  9. six times in a row? why not lucky number seven?

    After six you’d be unconscious.

  10. Give them to 2 less annoying people!

    I understand that completely.

  11. You just blew my mind.

    Best day of my life.

  12. Give them to 2 less annoying yet deserving readers of your blog. But don’t have a “contest” because then eleventy billion people would come and comment, because who doesn’t want a multi-million dollar golden coin? And then that would fuck up the odds for the rest of us. And camping sucks.

    I’d only tell you guys about it, no worries. I love you all.

  13. give them to the two annoying ones with the condition that they put you in their will as their sole heir. then use YOUR money to have them killed off. you then get all the money for yourself!



  14. Give’em to your camping buddies. Then you can immediately use your $46 mil to hire a helicopter to airlift you out of the hell-hole that is the wilderness.

    As you fly away, you can look down and laugh at them, as they wonder aloud if leprechaun coins can be used to make fire.

    Poor dudes. They shouldn’t have been such assholes.

  15. Lol! Kinda reminds me of that South Park episode where the Cartman tries to make Kyle suck his balls after they find the magical leprechaun.

    Well that’s kinda nasty, isn’t it?

  16. Is your favorite cereal Lucky Charms??

    Anywho, I agree with giving each friend a gold coin because it’s their invitation that got you the meeting with the leprechaun. They weren’t annoying before the camping, right? They are cool back at home I assume, so give up the coins and loan my ass half a mil.

    Hmm… Considering other things other than just what’s in front you… You are much more of a thinker than me.

  17. rachel

    “even though you tell them that you’d rather punch yourself in the face six times in a row…”

    I’m in an elementary school right now, the day before Christmas vacation…and THAT was the best thing I’ve heard to do all day.

    I love you, it’s official.

    Does that mean you’ll buy me a Christmas present?

  18. Kat

    I snorted when the leprechaun made an appearance. I vote for giving at least one of the coins back to him, so that you might cultivate an ongoing relationship in which he continues to get drunk and give you things. Sort of like a small, green-hatted sugar daddy. Of course, in this scenario, you will also have to give the leprechaun a BJ.

    That’s a good point, because if we all know one thing about leprechauns, it’s that they’re drunk, BJ loving guys.

  19. Easy, give away all three. I don’t trust leprechauns. Besides, what is a leprechaun doing in a forest? Everyone knows that real leprechauns only hang out in meadows. I think you ran into a crazy, drunk, little person with three chocolate coins.

    Hahaha – probably did.

  20. Give them both to me. Obviously.

    Spend them on pretty things please.

  21. jay grochalski

    any chance you can step on the leprechaun and keep all three? i’d do that. but i’d probably give one coin to my folks so that i don’t inherit their debt when they die, and the other i’d give to my wife so i’d still, technically, have 2 of the coins.

    Right – that seems to be a good plan. It’s all about making that paper. Like Biggie says though, mo’ money mo’ problems.

  22. Ben

    Two less annoying people. But I’d do it on the sly so they’d still like me.

    Actually, why would I want them to?

    I’ll buy new friends.

    Better friends.

  23. Camping is for people who don’t realize there’s a reason we moved out of caves and started building houses. If allowed to give both coins to the same person, I’d give them to you.

    Awww…. You’re trying to butter me up aren’t you?

  24. Did you have your cup of coffee this morning? Because I’m not sure you did.

    In any case to answer your weird question I would go with what Matt said. 🙂 Hehe.

    I don’t drink coffee. Maybe that’s the problem.

  25. ok chris this is simple. three coins, 46 millions bucks a pop.

    one for you,
    one for the pussy whipped dude,
    and one for the dude with horrible taste in music.

    i would be more than happy with 46 million bucks.

    but more importantly i want to know what you were really getting at with this post…

    Nothing really, just wondering.

  26. k8

    Just fork them over and get on with it. There’s life to be lived.

    Well that’s not much fun.

  27. S

    Give one to the person you are married to (or about ot marry) cuz what’s theirs is yours! 96 million banked!!!

    Make the 2 camping friends compete for the other one. There’s no time limit on when you have to give the coins out right?

    A fight to the death! Right?

  28. Fussy

    All I know is no coin for the B-52s guy, I cannot think of a band I hate more. And I think he deserved the six punches in the face as well.

    I completely agree.

  29. I I am going to assume you wouldn’t have gone camping with them unless they were really good friends to begin, with since the idea of camping seemed so loathsome in the first place, so you should split the forty-six million from one coin with them. Fifteen million each is still plenty of money. Give another coin to a trust worthy family member who will also split the money among your relatives. Take the last coin to a financial advisor who will again split the proceeds from the final coin into deposits for several charitable organizations and one research expedition to find the rest of the leprechaun’s gold. That should cover all bases. Family, friends, karma and more importantly getting more gold.

    I’m with you aside from the karma thing – if you have 46 mill, you don’t need karma because you’re rich.

  30. Jess

    give one’re other half ..wife/husband/etc
    (so you still gain from their wealth!)

    Then give one to you’re parents…i dunno cos its nice..

    But what if your Mom used to ground you a lot???

  31. Daisee579

    Hey, this is based on yesterday’s post, but I heard on the radio today that Eddie Murphy’s decided NOT to be in the next Batman. So yay, you don’t have to kill him after all.

    Thank god. And thanks for the heads up, I was sharpening my pen.

  32. I’d give one to the friends to split and one to your better half that way it’s yours too. Seriously, if you didn’t give one to your woman wouldn’t she be pissed? I know I would!

    She’d be mildly upset, I suppose.

  33. I kind of agree with Kellie… I would give ONE coin to the two annoying friends to split. (23 mil is still a lot!)

    But I’d give the other coin to YOU. (I mean, you opened my eyes to this whole possibility in the first place…)

    Merry Christmas! Let’s get drunk.

    First shot is on me.

  34. Give the coins to your friends; consider it payback for all the times you talked about your ex’s, defended a mediocre band or needed to be picked up at 4:37 a.m. at an undisclosed location.

    Hahaha – good idea.

  35. I would give it to the two friends, purely because it’s easier and they’re the closest people but also because I would suspect I’d just talked to a random drunken midget and the gold coins were really gold foil around chocolate or something similarly worthless. Because I mean really, who would pay $47 million for any sort of coin? Unless they were really BIG coins. Or made out of some new alien material. Meta-gold or something. Like a stable fusion of Einsteinium and Gold.

    Yes, see, they’re magic gold coins.

  36. Toe

    I’d give them both to the Hubs. He is contractually obligated to include me in any financial winfalls. Plus I’m greedy.

  37. rs27awesome

    This is silly. You give one to Santa Claus and then one to the leprauchaun because he’s the only true friend you have.

    It was on a Lifetime movie.

  38. well, after reading these comments i am more confused than ever. i can’t make a decision. i mean, definitely not the annoying friends, but i am lost after that.

    all that is clear to me right now is that i love leprechauns and that leprechauns is hard to spell.

    also, have you seen that youtube video about the leprechaun that lives in the tree? it is my favorite. “i want the gold… give me the gold!”

  39. You have to give one to Ari, and then you let your camping buddies split the other.

    You’ll have twice the money, and they’ll do less damage that way.

  40. You forgot to factor time into your equation.

    Give them to your loser friends because they’re right there. The sooner you divest, the sooner you’re on a beach in Cancun drinking that 46 mil.

  41. you totally have to give one to ari, you’d get the benefit too. and then ummm, i don’t know about the other. a less annoying friend perhaps?

  42. Stupid leprechauns. Always making me give shit away instead of keeping it for myself. I think I would kill the leprechaun. That sounds like it would solve a lot of problems.

  43. Camping buddies win. Every time.

  44. tia

    you think about weird-ass shit.

  45. I am just trying to wrap my mind around that story first, then maybe i’ll answer your question…

  46. Did the leprechaun have any lucky charms?

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  49. Less annoying people. Hands down. I fucking hate camping.

  50. deutlich

    Definitely the 2 friends.

  51. Less annoying people– camping is MOST HORRIBLE…and anyone that would convince you to go is also most horrible.

  52. i hate camping and the random times my family drags me kicking n screaming…i WISH weird shit like that would happen.

    but to answer question, give your buddies the coins on the condition the each give you half of their share. you come out on top and it should make up for them dragging your ass to camp in the rain.

  53. Hell, no! And I don’t feel guilty because I’m a bad person. I’d give them to two people I will eternally care about.

    Did this recently happen to you?

  54. Jo

    I’d get all the coins together and book into a hotel for the night.

  55. God. Sleeping outside sucks. There is no TV.

  56. I read camping in the first sentence and didn’t even finish reading this blog.

  57. and are you sure I can;t keep them??? 🙂

  58. I tell them I won it in the lottery, then give one to my parents and then one to charity. Because I’m cliched like that.

    Or I give it to them and promptly kill them for it.

  59. Your brain is amazing. I mean, where do you get this stuff?

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