Tonight on Larry King Live, the esteemed suspender-rocking host will interview Priscilla Presley “Live from Graceland!” as part of a special celebrating the late Elvis Presley’s 74th birthday.
If you just got excited in the slightest bit from that last paragraph, I have to ask you – why?
Let me tell you something, if you listen to Elvis and you’re not between the ages of 97 and 97 1/2, there is something missing in your life.
Go read a book, travel or find true love, because liking Elvis is not the answer to any question, aside from, “What makes you cry at night?”
I simply don’t understand the continued obsession with Elvis, and the notion that he’s the King of Rock and Roll also annoys the hell out of me.
Chuck Berry is the King of Rock and Roll.
Chuck Berry invented rock and roll, not Elvis. Chuck Berry did everything before and better than Elvis, but because Chuck is black, no one celebrates him like a bunch of crazy fucking idiots. Which I guess probably makes Chuck pretty happy.
Also, “Blue Suede Shoes,” one of Presley’s biggest hits, wasn’t even his song! He basically stole it from another guy and released it later, even after promising the original artist that he’d never cover it as his own song. Oops!
And while I’m on the subject, how weird are blue suede shoes? I mean, people actually wore shoes that were not only blue, but also suede? If I ever saw someone wearing blue suede shoes, my first reaction would not be to write a song about it, it’d be to question that person’s mental health.
Despite being just a dude who was white and wrote (and stole) a bunch of stupid songs, people continue to celebrate everything about him, and I just wish it would stop.
It’s time to move on and let the man rest in peace.
Yes, he’s fucking dead dammit.