two face

Yesterday afternoon as I was coming back inside my apartment building after walking my dog, a man on the sidewalk yelled out to me.

I stopped, looked back and asked him what he had said, while carefully examining him to determine if 1) he was a crackhead 2) he was fucking crazy or 3) he was going to ask me for money.  I live in Brooklyn, and these are the first things that pop into my head when a random dude yells at me.

“Jeff!” he said, “You’re Jeff, right?”

“No, not me man, sorry.”

He looked down for minute, and I thought this was my chance to escape, but he persisted.

“You’re not Jeff?  You drive a silver car.”

“No, no.  I don’t even own a car. That’s not me.”

“Oh wow, you look just like Jeff,” he continued, and at that, I made my way into my building.

This moment would not be that odd, of course, had this been the first time this guy said this to me.

But it wasn’t.

That was the second time that same guy said I looked like a man named Jeff in the last two months, and I only realized that after the moment had passed.

So somewhere, in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn or the surrounding neighborhoods, a man named Jeff is walking around being me, and apparently, I am walking around being him.

I like to think that this Jeff guy is a suave, sophisticated man, but if this guy thinks I’m him, Jeff sadly must be a guy who wears sweatpants with dog slobber on them all too often, and occasionally wears his fiancee’s coat when it rains if he’s feeling lazy (which happens to be two sizes too small).

But this is the best I get.

No one ever says I look like anyone famous or anything like that.  Not once has anyone claimed that I look exactly like Bruce Willis even though I have adamantly proclaimed this to Ari more times than I’d like to admit.

No Brad Pitt.

No George Clooney.

Nothing.

Just Jeff.

I wonder if Jeff feels this same way?  I wonder if he’s being called “Chris” and despises me too?  If he is I really don’t feel all that bad for him.

At least he has a car, and a silver one at that.

Advertisements

57 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

57 responses to “two face

  1. Somebody at a coffee shop once mistook me for my co-worker. This would not be bad thing except for the fact that the woman he mistook me for is a partially bald alcoholic anorexic chain smoker with a penchant for wearing yellow rain boots on a sunny day.

    WTF?

    That’s not good for your confidence.

  2. I’m never mistaken for anyone but me.
    But- allegedly I have a doppelganger in a local band. She generally wears a beehive hairdo and a ton of makeup, but she’s kind of cute and about 15 years younger than me, so I’m fine with people saying I look like her. And I’ve also been told I look “English” which always means an immediate call to the Dentist.

    You get mistaken for being in a band? That’s cool – you really can’t get mad at that.

  3. Rachel

    I seem to look like everyone’s cousin…I don’t know what that means.

    Hmmm… I have no idea either.

  4. ff

    I know a Jeff, but you don’t look anything like him.

    Sweet.

  5. Just wait for the day you two come face to face. I bet it will be so catastrophic the world will come to an end.

    Or maybe we’d join forces and take over the world.

  6. I don’t look like anyone. Not my mom, my pops … shit my own kids don’t even look like me! They look like their freakin’ dad! WTF?! After all that pain I don’t even get a slight resemblance?!

    Oh wait, I do look like something … and that’d be amused. I always look amused.

    Well, at least people always think you’re happy.

  7. My boyfriend keeps telling me I look like Tina Fey with my glasses on. I’m just going to go ahead and take it as a compliment.

    I bet Jeff is suave and awesome like you. Or just keep thinking that.

    Yes. Must keep thinking that.

  8. Matt

    Next time just go with it….see if that guy gives you money or something.

    I’m so fucking glad the steelers gave it to the bolts yesterday. I hate rivers.

    Dude I was loving it. I am nervous for the Ravens game though.

  9. I have to disagree with FF; you *do* look like Jeff. The only way I can tell you two apart is birthmark he has on the side of his face. It looks kind of like Africa and whenever I see him, I start singing Toto to myself and that’s when I know it’s him, and not you.

    “Hurry boy it’s waiting there for you!”

    You know, I always try and figure out if that song is a metaphor for something, but I don’t think it is – it’s just a song about a continent. Which is pretty weird.

  10. I wouldn’t “go with it” as Matt had suggested, what if Jeff owed that guy money and he’s out to get it back, forcefully!! Could be scary!

    Safety first! God I sound like a dork.

  11. Somebody told me once that I looked like Caroline Kennedy.

    I guess that’s okay…except it probably means I’m going to die tragically.

    But beautifully. And that’s all that matters.

  12. I bet Jeff wears a coat that fits.

    You love him don’t you? You’re in love with Jeff!

  13. Perhaps you should attempt to convince random dude that HE’S Jeff.

    (Would Jeff sound like a more appealing doppelganger if you knew that he’s actually Geoff?)

    Oh yes, a Geoff would be much cooler.

  14. Seriously? And you live near Clinton Hill?

    This is so weird! I’m called Geoff and I’ve been mistaken for someone called Chris a whole bunch of times recently…

    So we should meet up. Where and when?

  15. Next time you should say that you are Jeff and then ask him for the $5 he owes you. Worth a shot.

    Done and done.

  16. People in the town I live in always think I’m some girl who graduated from the local high school. They’re almost all convinced, until I tell them I’m from Pennsylvania and never attended school here. I think I break their hearts every time I divulge the truth.

    Don’t even worry about it, they deserve to have their hearts broken if they keep doing that.

  17. Never fear, one day you’ll have a car in GOLD. Top that, Jeff.

    You always know what the right thing to say.

  18. i like melissalion’s comment. ha.

    narm’s name is jeff, maybe he thinks you are him. maybe the bum thinks he is also in cleveland.

    bums are crazy.

    Hahaha – I like how you assume he’s a bum. I don’t think he was, he looked normal to me.

  19. OH and while people don’t mistake me for someone in particular. i always get the ” you remind me SO MUCH of my friend so and so from college. you guys are exactly the same!”

    my reply, “let me guess, she was loud, funny as hell, greek or italian and chubby”.

    everyone has a friend like that, everyone.

    Maybe people will start to mistake me for their asshole friend who drinks too much.

  20. What if Jeff not only had a silver car but he also had something wicked cool like, an airplane?? (Or something you would find as equally cool. Airplane is all I got this close to lunchtime.)

    Wouldn’t you want to be him for JUST a day?

    Could it be a dragon? If so, then yes. YES I would.

  21. podcamphalifax

    Oh shit. I thought this was Jeff’s blog.

    I’m outta here.

    Don’t go!

  22. Ben

    fuckdamnit.

    The podcamp halifax comment was mine. And now it looks like I’m trying to steal someone else’s funny. BUT IT’S MINE.

    Wow. This is actually how you and Jeff must feel.

    FULL JOKE RECOVERY!

    You sir, are amazing.

  23. I get mistaken for Alyson Hannigan’s character in American Pie. Yes, the bandcamp chick. I’d rather be mistaken for Jeff.

    So do they ask you to do that line from the movie then?

  24. Having a car in NYC is pretty cool. Jeff must be rich…or not live in new york.

    Exactly.

  25. what’s worse it that jeff perhaps has a dog as cute as yours. THIS CANNOT BE POSSIBLE.

  26. I, too, have a doppelganger walking around the city looking like me and trying to be me.

    Job’s taken, buddy, I want to tell him.

  27. LOL@ your brad pitt and george clooney lines.

  28. You know it could be worse he could think you were some dude named Humbert, Claude or Rogelio.

    Jeff in comparison isn’t that bad.

  29. What if the guy just thinks you are so rad and awesome that he just wants to have a conversation with you? Maybe he thinks one of these days you will shake his hand and say “Hi, I’m Chris” and then you will obviously start hanging out.
    lol

  30. I’m with allegedringleader and “Jeff! You’re Jeff, right?” is genius compared to some of the pick up lines I’ve heard.

  31. I’ve been told I look like Paris Hilton, Meryl Streep, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and many other blonde celebrities that look nothing like each other. I guess this makes me a shapeshifter.

  32. You’ve got a doppelganger!

  33. Once somebody called me because he thought he had just seen me in the East Village. He said that, “it looked like you, but the rock & roll version of you.” That’s when I realized that I wish I was the rock & roll version of me.

  34. What do I need to vote for boobies for? I already have a set, and those damn jugs get heavy carrying them around all day, let me tell you. No, I don’t want to vote for boobies. I’d much rather have some penis. PENIS! Yeah, I’d vote for that!

    But hell, I’m feeling generous today. So I’ll go give you my vote. Next time, though, there MUST be PENIS! lol

  35. Yippee-Kay-Ay mother..

    Nevermind.

    Jeff would never say that.

  36. I have blond curly hair…people think that all people with curly hair are the same or related.

    This years Ravens look a LOT like the 05′ Steelers. Ok out of the gate but a lot of momentum into the playoffs. I do not feel good about the game…at all.

  37. deutlich

    At least he’s not calling you Chip.

  38. “Doppelganger, doppelganger, doppel-doppel-doppelganger..”

    Google that shit.

  39. People always call me my sisters name. When I go back to my hometown they say, “Hey Farrah!”. Sometimes I don’t correct them. Sometimes I like it…She is super cute 30 year old dentist. I kinda like it when they think I am one….

    Whenever I say that actually I am Katie…they are like..Ohhhh so where are you even at these days? psh….

    Id rather be Farrah, what can I say….

  40. I have people who think I look like Amy Poehler. I’m taking it as a compliment. Should I? I mean she’s pretty attractive. And she is funny. Bonus!

  41. Kez

    I seriously believe that everyone has a secret twin out in the world somewhere.
    I just get mistaken for every Asian female between the ages of 16 and 30…
    Or Sandra Oh.

    My dad gets mistaken for the local church minister. he reckons he could have fun with that.
    Like renting porn under the minister’s name and other such juvenile things!

  42. It could be worse. Random people could be yelling out, “Hey! Carrot Top! Aren’t you Carrot Top?”

  43. People always call my dad “Jeff” but his name is not Jeff… or anything that sounds like Jeff. Maybe it’s a Pittsburgh thing?

  44. I get mistaken for people all the time – but usually because of the “all asian people look alike” phenomenon in America.

    If you could befriend you in real life, would you?

  45. bruce willis, really? i thought you looked like axl rose in one of your facebook photos.

    oh wait, that WAS axl? nevermind.

  46. And here I thought this was a post about Spiderman. Damn.

  47. It’s cool, I’m half black so apparently I look like everyone who is black and famous. Shit, if Jeff was black I could be him too! Then we could all catch a ride in that cool silver car! boo yeah!

  48. legend

    you gotta fuck with this guy, just run up to him and be like “hey Jeff!” no not jeff too obvious, call him something else like stan, then say you are jeff and ask him when he’s gonna bring your car back…did I ever tell about the time i took the homeless guys change? (funny shit) he held his cup out said “change” so I said okay reached into the cup and took all the change, (i was with someone else and totally took my friend off guard) this dude chased my for like 4 blocks I was laughing so hard I couldnt run anymore.. anyways I apologized for my misundrestanding gave him his money back without any additional from me…

  49. legend

    okay i was kinda hoping the guy had too face or was tommy lee jones at least

  50. You have to feel for the crazy shouty guy in this. I bet he’s walking away thinking “shit, thats the SECOND time I’ve asked that guy if he’s Jeff. I bet he thinks I’m wacko.”

  51. One day you should pretend to BE Jeff.

  52. That is a crazy story! I feel like that man should be the main character in some quirky indie drama about short-term memory loss, a la Memento.

    Also, I agree with the commenter above– next time, just say, “Hey, man, how you doing! This is Jeff alright!”

  53. haha — really though, I’m questioning if this “Jeff” guy really exists. Perhaps only in that man’s mind.

  54. What I find funny is that after you said you weren’t “Jeff” he followed up with “you drive a silver car, right?”, as if that detail would suddenly jog your memory and you’d be like “Shit, I AM Jeff! I forgot.”

  55. I think he’s hitting on you.

    😉

  56. Sometimes I get mistaken for Suspect #2. Or Asian (but only at glory holes).

  57. oh, I think you *totally* look like Jeff. How do you not see it? hehe

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s