it’s all in the reflexes

Because the guy who was training me to box recently left my gym, yesterday I decided to go to a boxing gym for the first time.

I was nervous to say the least, because 1) I’m not tough 2) I’m not good at boxing and 3) I act like both #1 and #2 are incorrect.  

As I walked to the building I decided that I needed to put as much Manliness in my brain as possible, so I put on some Rage and hoped that somehow my training would involve questions about Peruvian guerrilla operations.

Once I entered the building I got on the elevator going down instead of up, where the gym is located.  I took that as A Good Sign.

When I finally found the gym, the first thing I saw was a picture of the gym’s owner, along with Roy Jones Jr. and Christian Slater.

Christian Slater!

Obviously, I was way more intimidated by Christian Slater than Roy Jones Jr., because hello?  Dude was in Young Guns II.

Shaking my pure awe of Christian Slater being in the same gym as I was, a trainer approached me and suggested that I start with three rounds of jump roping.  So that’s what I did.  And that’s when I realized jumping rope for three minutes straight is hard and sometimes makes me angry.

After that was done, the trainer and I did some work on the bags and inside the ring. Once inside the ring, where the trainer repeatedly told me “stop leaning!” and kind of laughed when I told him I was a writer, I figured something else out about myself:  I was the second worst boxer in the entire gym, narrowly beating out the desk near the entrance.

As my time wound down I asked my trainer for some water, but because the gym didn’t have a water fountain (I assume this is because boxers don’t need wussy water) I had to buy a bottle of water.  Of course my cash was in my locker, so the trainer told me I could pay on the way out.  

Once we were finished I thanked my trainer for making me feel like I was going to die, washed up then headed out.

I will definitely be going back because boxing is just too much fun.  And as for upping my toughness factor, let’s just say I might have left without paying for that bottle of water.

Let’s see Christian Slater top that.


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56 responses to “it’s all in the reflexes

  1. That’s amazing.

    I think if you put in some time on your intimidating stare you’re as good as professional, even if you don’t move beyond the jumping rope phase.

    Actually, then I guess I’m also a boxer!

    Let’s spar.

  2. I admire you for taking boxing! Damn. Have an epic fight with Slater on your last day.

    I fully intend to.

  3. Kate

    Okay, this is v. important:

    a) Can you introduce me to Christian Slater?

    2) Can you introduce me to Christian Slater circa ‘Pump Up the Volume’ via Delorean?

    D) Most importantly, can you introduce me to Christian Slater circa ‘Bed of Roses’ via Delorean?

    SWOOOOOOON. Mary Stuart Masterson can jump off a bridge.

    Anything via Delorean would be amazing. But sadly, Slater is busy yesterday.

  4. Matt

    Nice. There’s nothing like a real boxing gym.

    I actually fought as an amateur boxer for about seven years. I won silver gloves, got the silver in the Jr Olympics, won state golden gloves and fought in the USA’s as well.

    There’s nothing like being in the ring.

    So dude – you could be my Mickey! You know, you don’t have to die or anything. Just train me.

  5. Fuck You I Won’t Do What You Tell Me!

    That’s your new theme song now you bad, bad, water stealing bad ass.

    Fucking right.

  6. Now the toughness test is if, when you return, your first order of business is paying for your stolen water because you are too afraid that they did in fact notice, and will all be taking stiff punches on you.

    Oh man, time will tell I suppose.

  7. deutlich

    The only image that sticks in my mind is of you and a jump rope.

    I feel like you should broaden your talent and try out the hula hoop too.

    Oh, and don’t forget hopscotch.

    I own hopsctoch!

  8. now we got you, Hemingway, and Norman Mailer in the ring.

    That is crazy talk. I wonder: who would scare you more? Mailer or Hemingway? I think Mailer would scare me more.

  9. What kind of gym charges for water? Although, if you guys were really tough, wouldn’t you just suck the water out of a rock? That’s what Bear Grylls does.

    Damn him!

  10. rachel

    you need Samuel L. Jackson’s wallet from “Pulp Fiction”

    You Bad MotherF&*$%#!


  11. If you train hard enough they’ll let you fight Christian Slater. After you fight a bear for practise.

    A bear is nothing compared to Slater. Nothing!

  12. Nope, sorry, not convincing enough. Although, I LOVE boxing, so you get some all-important (at your age) cool points for that.


    Hahaha – thanks, I need all the help I can get.

  13. I remember jumping rope for PE in about 2nd grade. None of the boys could do it.

    Annnnddd, I’d probably shit my pants if I walked into a boxing gym.

    I don’t think anyone would train you with shit in your pants.

  14. Oh you rebel you.

    I know!

  15. You were in a real ring and you survived. +1 for you.

    Next time drink raw eggs. It won’t help you physically, but nothing will seem bad after that.

    Good idea.

  16. I love boxing, I used to go to boxing class back in the days too. Maybe not really boxing, more like body combat. I should go again, I started getting fat LOL

    Hey, you said it not me.

  17. I cannot think of CS without thinking of the great American romance, “Untamed Heart”. Oh, Adam, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?

    I’m sorry for upsetting you.

  18. While you were boxing I was watching American Idol…so…don’t feel too bad for yourself.

    Instead feel bad for me.

    I do.

  19. I don’t get it. How does this:

    make you a better boxer?

    That is fucking hilarious. Those girls loved me by the way.

  20. Admit it, you were wearing red boxing shorts and a Uncle Sam top hat while you worked out. ADMIT IT!

    Hell yes I did.

  21. Please don’t beat up my blog.

    I will punch it if I want to!

  22. Oh JustinS, you are so damn funny!

    It is good stuff.

  23. CapriceClassic

    You mean to tell me you boxed WORSE than the desk near the entrance? Please say you were at least better than the accompanying chair.

    Ha! I wish! That chair was pro for seven years, and his left hook is brutal.

  24. I do kickboxing and I HATE it when our instructor makes us do jump rope. Sometime between grade school and the present time I turned into the worst rope jumper ever. I remember it being easy but now, hell no. It’s hard. I’m lucky when I don’t fall on my face.

    I had no idea it was so damn hard.

  25. Did you see Bed of Roses?
    I’m pretty sure you could kick Christian Slater’s ass.

    Thanks coach!

  26. Should you find yourself in a boxing match, remember not to lead with your face.

    Oh man, good advice, I was going to do that too.

  27. Justin Stanley, you are my hero.

    I can jump rope. I used to be a competitive kickboxer.

    I’m not kidding.

    But are you really not kidding?

  28. Kate

    Lindsay, I hope you know that I will fight anyone to the death who questions Christian Slater, Bed of Roses, or Christian Slater in Bed of Roses. Because it is the best movie ever made. Ever.

    I think you might be wrong about that. Just maybe.

  29. Ben

    Next time you ask your trainer for something, uppercut him when he’s distracted. That’ll get you major tough points.

    OH! And you should fishhook him and then rip his ear off with your teeth. Then sleep with his wife and hit his dog with your car.

    Stick with me, kid. I’ll take you to the top.

    Yes! When do we start training?

  30. Just thank your lucky stars it isn’t Slater from SBTB that you have to fight. You would have absolutely NO chance if it were him. Christian Slater I think you can handle.

    Good point – AC would fucking destroy me. Then he’d call me “preppy.”

  31. Christian Slater is OLD! He’s got to be at least in his (late) thirties. I think you can take him!

    I like how you added “late” as to not offend me.

  32. i don’t know about Mailer scaring me more. Hemingway had the guts to blow his own brains out. James Joyce used to sick Hemingway on people in France.

    Good point about him blowing himself away. Dude was not to be fucked with.

  33. legend

    same gym as Dolph Lundgren would have been something.

    That’s true, but then I’d have to be in Russia.

  34. Um, bad news: I happen to be close, personal friends with that desk, and he says you’re full of shit and he could take you ANY day. If only he had arms.

    That’s just what he said.

    I’m ready for his bitch ass!

  35. ken

    boxing is an awesome workout.

    i’ll bet you figured that out pretty quick.

    the only word of advice i can give you is to stay the fuck away from the southpaws.

    It kills me every time.

  36. Jumping rope is one of those things that is much tougher than it looks and will kick your ass if you take it too easily.

    Like me.

    Thems fightin words!

  37. If you really want to be like Christian Slater, don’t you need to learn to expose yourself to women in bodegas or something? I’m sure you’ll work that one out, as well.

    Who’s to say I haven’t already?

  38. Kate

    You would be wrong, Chris. Dead wrong.

    You may box but I take spinning. I have a stationary bike and I’m not afraid to use it.

    Not to mention peppy songs that really get your heat rate going!

  39. Dolce – Late 30’s is NOT OLD! I will learn to box and fight anyone who disputes this.

    I got your back.

  40. Jess

    pahahaha tough man.

    I bet i could punch you out:)

    Not that id want too…

    Meet me at the willow tree at 4:30.

  41. I used to work out at a kick-boxing gym and heard the same “stop leaning” followed by a kick to the head. Plus good call on the Rage, I preferred Static-X, something about that group unlocked the nerd rage.

    Rage always makes me want to punch stuff.

  42. Please tell me you’re going to start fighting hobos.


    The first you tube video will be up next week!

  43. That’s awesome dude, ’cause I know how intimidating those gym desks can be. And Christian Slater? Wow. I’d STILL be shaking in my granny panties!!

  44. I did one of those face-scanner-what-celebs-so-I-look-like things, and it came back 93% Christian Slater. So apparently I look like a dude. But a cool one. I’ll take what I can get.

  45. so I put on some rage ….ahahahahahah…great!

  46. i pray that christian slater will come back to the gym when you’re there and you can box him and it will be the best blog story ever.

  47. I love Christian Slater. Him in Kuffs came at a very formidable time in my puberty. Hot hot hot.

  48. “greetings and salutations. you a heather?”

  49. Kyle

    I’m not sure if this has already been said, but you should totally get a Christian Slater picture (one of those goofy actor’s “portraits” pics) and put it somewhere where you can just stand and look angrily at it.

  50. I wouldn’t be too impressed there Chris. Have you seen his new tv show? It’s super lame.

  51. I think the real question is, can you double dutch jump rope?

    Or maybe the question should be, do you know what that is?

    I challenge you and Christian Slater.

  52. saratogajean

    So…when do you learn how to snatch flies out of the air with chopsticks?

    Or is that just martial arts?

  53. “I act like both #1 and #2 are incorrect.” hahaha! awesome.

    I think I could take your boxing skills on with my Kung fu skills, however.

  54. You better go back: you’re going to need all the tough you can get when you’re serving time for stealing that bottle of water, badass.

  55. Ha, I would be a total wash out! Good for you.

  56. ouch! I don’t understand men. Why is it fun to hurt yourself, again? I looove the gym, but boxing? seriously?

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