unnecessary

This morning while I was on the treadmill and I couldn’t help but wonder if my knees were too small for my legs.  

I was all set to write a post about that thrilling observation, but luckily for you I saw a feature on the news that caught my eye:  Apparently there’s a gym uptown that encourages its patrons to take a nap after the yoga class that is taught there.

There were shots of people being tucked in after the class, then testimony from the instructors about how beneficial it was for people to sleep and, in essence, drool on the floor while dreaming about whether they really do like grapes or just think they like grapes.

Well this is just a brilliant plan.

Look, I know about 98.7% of my readers are women, and you might not want to hear this – but yoga is fucking boring enough as it is, telling people to take a nap afterward is kind of redundant.

Yes, yoga is difficult, but it is mind-numbingly boring.  

You do a move and then you sit there.

You do a move and then you sit there.

And on and on until you’re so bored you start thinking the old woman’s butt in front of you isn’t that bad.  But maybe that’s just me.

Having people take naps after yoga is like telling someone to watch Renée Zellweger movies, you’re just encouraging stupidity.

Why doesn’t the gym just give out complimentary cheeseburgers at the door?

If you’re going to take a nap after working out, just stay home.  Okay?  Leave the gym for the rest of us who are serious about working out, especially those of us who may or may not need extra time for bulking up their knees.

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62 Comments

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62 responses to “unnecessary

  1. I don’t think I’d be down with shelling out cash to nap on a hard dirty floor.

    Exactly.

  2. Ben

    Yoga is the worst. I went to one trial class and they spent the entire time telling me to visualize myself climbing a mountain. OR I COULD ACTUALLY CLIMB A MOUNTAIN AND GET THE BENEFIT OF EXERCISE.

    Screw you, Yoga.

    It’s exercise for lazy people.

  3. Yes but not ALL yoga classes are that slow. Although I have to admit that the part of the class where they turn the lights out and tell us to curl into the fetal position is my favorite part of the class…which might mean I’d be better off napping instead.

    Bring your Snuggie next time.

  4. well, you just ruined going to the new Renee Zellweger movie for me. Guess i’ll use that gift certificate i have for a free meditation class instead.

    Either way you’ll be sorry.

  5. Matt

    I’m proud to be a part of the other 1.3% of your readership.

    cause yeah, yoga is for chicks.

    It’s you and about 7 others and I appreciate every one of you.

  6. I don’t know… I think I could really get into an exercise program that encouraged me to just curl up and snore. If they add some sort of beer hydration element then I’m sold.

    Kegerator!

  7. I hate yoga but I like getting drunk and then laying on the bar floor in some awkward pose and yell things that sound like yoga positions.

    Happy baby!

    Rushing river!

    Pervert!

    Those all sound legit too – perhaps you have a future in yoga instruction?

  8. No, for real, sleep is good for you? That might explain why since giving it up I’ve started seeing centaurs coming after me with swords and also my kidneys failed.

    Oh, first comment ever to reference centaurs! +457 for you.

  9. I tried yoga once. I almost fell asleep following whatever the hell it is they do in the first five minutes.

    This girl hates yoga. Kick-boxing on the other hand…now THAT is some fun stuff!

    Yes, it helps to actually have to engage yourself when exercising.

  10. I can think of a much better activity that involves putting your body in awkward, mind-numbing positions and then passing out afterward.

    … watching olympic gymnastics on the couch and then napping, of course.

    What did you think I was talking about??

    Well, if you had mentioned something about eating a sandwich too, then I’d have assumed sex, but Olympics is what I thought of too.

  11. Yoga makes me so relaxed that I would be one of those people curled up in a ball with a teddy bear sleeping. I would even try and cuddle with someone.

    I bet that happens.

  12. okay. I do yoga everyday, at home, in my living room, bedroom. I do not take naps or go super slow. I will admit to while doing yoga, my brain goes elsewhere, like with certain moves I think of sex, so, the last thing I want to do is curl up on the floor and sleep, I want my hubby to come home and take care of the ache I now have and to practice my moves, if you know what I mean!! 🙂 Yoga is fun!

    There’s no way you go fast enough though, c’mon, you know you get bored!

  13. Yoga keeps me from killing my husband. It saves lives!

    I bet your husband is thankful for it then.

  14. saratogajean

    I’ll take the cheeseburger on my way out, but I’m not napping on my sweaty yoga mat.

    I’ll go home and nap on my dog-hair covered couch. Like God intended.

    Or bed, or stove. Wait. Sleeping on a stove doesn’t make any sense.

  15. deutlich

    I hate yoga.

    Well said.

  16. LOL yeah i like napping, thats why I stay at home. 😛

    That’s the spirit!

  17. Do they supply graham crackers and apple juice?

    If they do, you want to meet me there?

  18. yoga is such a waste of time. i used to take a 6am yoga class and the last couple minutes were “meditation”. they had to wake me up to leave every damn time!
    now pilates, that shit is hard.

    Did you snore?

  19. In my school years, they used to force yoga on to us students. During one year, we had to do “shavasana”, where you lie down on the floor and pretend you are a dead body. But that didnt work out too well as most of us fell asleep, while trying to “free our minds”. So the next year, they made us start the day by closing one nostril and trying to breath through the other.
    Why??!

    Hahaha – what the fuck kind of school did you go to?

  20. say what? your knees too small for your legs? can we see a picture?

    No way! I don’t want my shame out there for all to see!

  21. Did somebody say cheeseburger?

    With fries.

  22. I took a yoga class only once and at the end we had a 10 minute period were we laid down and closed our eyes and were encouraged to fall asleep. I was a little miffed that I had just like $50 to fall asleep on someone’s floor.

    Right, if you’re going to pay money for falling asleep after some activity, at least let it be to a hooker.

  23. See, now, the kind of yoga I do is super hardcore.

    There is no time for thinking thoughts, other than “Oh my God, I might puke” in which case, yes, a nap is probably much deserved when you’re done.

    And maybe a bucket.

    That’d be one gross yoga room.

  24. Kiala and I are hardcore yoga sisters now and our asses are fanfuckingtastic because of all the sweating and shaking and yogacizing we do.

    You come with us and we will show you the way to a rockin’ ass.

    You’ve been doing the wrong yoga there bee’s knees.

    And who says my ass isn’t already rockin?

  25. I want to be a hardcore yoga sister. Maybe they’ll let me into their slow-moving but very strong girl gang???

    It’ll take some time, I imagine.

  26. Think Renee Zellwegger does yoga?

    Absolutely.

  27. S.

    Napping at the gym. Stupid.

    Yes.

  28. inna

    NY1 all the way!

    Hahaha – you saw that too?

  29. i liked the part about the knees. i am going to have to check mine out now, too.

    (ps- i have totally missed commenting on your blog.)

    Don’t judge your knees to harshly – they are weak and don’t know how much they’ve disappointed you.

  30. Now I feel a little ashamed. I always thought the nap was part of it to begin with.

    They had yoga classes at the student rec where I went to college, and every session ended with a cool down where we all lied on our backs, closed our eyes and got all trancey and meditativey. Of course, the class was on a Saturday morning and full of college students, so I doubt it was a surprise that there was always one or two of us that had to be woken up at the end.

    You being one of them, right?

  31. Alicia

    I’m taking a yoga class for a required credit. Paying thousands of dollars to be encouraged to nap is such a waste.

    Just like me, paying thousands of dollars to drink all day and not study. Well, I wasn’t encouraged, but that’s what I did.

  32. Hmmm….I’m conflicted on this one. I love yoga, and I love naps. Kinda sounds like a win-win to me.

    lol

    Whatever floats your boat.

  33. I always love when they’re like, “Deepen the stretch! Deeeepenthestreeeeeeeetch.” Come on. I don’t feel a thing!

    Except disappointment.

  34. You should probably take it up a notch and take a nap on the treadmill after running. Then hope that someone turns you into a projectile to wake you up.

    But with all that napping you’d probably be huge, so it’d take a lot of speed to get you off of that thing.

  35. I got escorted out of yoga class for giggling. They said I wasn’t showing the proper respect for these ancient teachings. I asked if women showing up in sweats with come-ons written on the butt showed better respect than me. They said yes. There’s no justice in this world, and yoga taught me that.

    So show some respect.

    So you’re telling me you don’t own sweatpants with “Hot Stuff” written on the butt in hot pink? I don’t believe you.

  36. Eric’s comment made me laugh out loud. Your post was funny too but the image of you and your small knees being hurled from a treadmill really cracked me up.

    It is pretty funny. I hope it doesn’t happen.

  37. Red

    Yoga is NOT always boring. Not all classes are created the same. Sonic Yoga (http://www.sonicyoga.com/2006/nyc_05.htm) on or about 50th and 9th is _awesome_. They helped me keep my sanity during the bear market of 2002-3 when I was an assistant at Morgan Stanley and life SUCKED!

    Well I guess it’s good for something.

  38. Two words: park bench. Good enough for the homeless at 2 in the afternoon, ergo good for me.

    SA

    A sidewalk works as well.

  39. i’ve never done yoga. is it like pilates? i’ve never done pilates either.

    are you sensing the theme?

    i’ll take the cheeseburger now.

    No pickles, I hope you don’t mind.

  40. I completely agree. I do yoga because I feel like I should but it’s so boring I really don’t think I’m getting anything out of it. And who has time to go to the gym AND take a nap?? Do people not work?

    Whenever I see people out and about while I’m at work, I curse them.

  41. rs27awesome

    Do they hand out juiceboxes too? I may have to think about this if they do.

    Ecto Cooler!

  42. If you’re not smelly afterwards, it don’t belong in a gym.

    Wait, that came out wrong…

    Alexa, pass me a cheeseburger.

    She got the last one.

  43. HOLD UP, Mister. Now we’re in a fight. I took Paco to hot yoga and he struggled big time. And I dare say he would have taken a nap afterward had it been socially acceptable.

    Personally, I am in favor of any organization that promotes naps. I wish my work would implement this – “do half hour of work and then take a nap”. My job would be AWESOME then!

    I got off track there….but yoga rules!

    All our jobs would be awesome if that was the case. But no, sorry, working out is always going to be harder than yoga.

  44. So…you have small knee caps, you say?

    Yes. And I live with them every day.

  45. Yoga is really only cool when old, grizzled Buddhist monks do it. Napping, on the other hand, is much more inclusive.

    Do I get onion rings with my cheeseburger?

    Nope, just fries.

  46. Oh I do love me some Yoga.

    I’m not going to lie though I really just like shopping for the cute clothes.

    LuLu Lemon is the best.

  47. you should probably consider some type of plastic surgery for those horribly disproportionate kneecaps of yours. just a thought 😉

    I know! I’m saving my pennies.

  48. I don’t execise! I can’t relate!

    Give it a try, it’s actually pretty fun.

  49. There are moments when pure brilliance spews out of you. This is one of those moments.

    Hahaha – you’re too kind.

  50. Including my comment, I counted 9 male bloggers who commented on this post.

    That’s 18%.

    Or maybe Ben counts twice. I don’t know, I’m not a Calculus genius.

  51. I fell asleep reading this post. Stupid yoga.

  52. Yoga always makes me feel like napping at the end, regardless of how boring the day’s “lesson” (are they called lessons? workouts?) was.

  53. A year ago I would have been all like You Tell ‘Em!! But then Crissy sent me yoga videos and I have to tell ya it is not for pussies and there is no stupid nap taking at the end of it.

  54. Like, literally being tucked in?

    I think those people should put their money to better uses. Like therapy.

  55. Shut up, a nap after yoga? that’s bananas. Yes, bananas. Man up.

  56. bwp

    I would start doing yoga if this whole nap ordeal was offered at my gym. Stretching is exhausting.

  57. I’m just going to take a nap. good call.

  58. I have heard many, many wonderful, high praising things about yoga- ad nauseum.
    And then I heard you tell the truth 😉
    I tried Yoga twice and maybe it’s because I am already stretchy but I didn’t get the hype.
    Which means I really don’t get the hype about ‘Yoga with Dogs’.
    But naptime I can get on.
    Seriously- When on when is a company in North America going to institute work-place daily naptime?
    Was that not the best part of nursery school?

  59. tia

    i don’t like yoga either.

    when i’m working out i like to be loud and pissed. and, you know, active.

  60. not all yoga is boring, i swear. for the record, i do my yoga at a yoga studio – not a gym. there is a vast difference. the gym is for running and weightlifting and techno tunes on my ipod. the yoga studio is for zen-like self-awareness and what not.

    and any exercise that encourages napping is my kind of workout.

  61. hahahaha you are hilarious. You sound like me- gym-grumpy. I hate people at the gym, they should all just go home and leave me alone. LOL

  62. I don’t expect us to agree on most things, as you are my arch nemesis and what not. You hate lolcats. I adore them. You think you make good grilled cheeses. I know you probably don’t.

    You hate the idea of napping after a workout. I think I might have a new reason to go to the gym.

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