As I was getting dressed to leave the gym this morning, despite being lost in thought about why I consume Sun Chips like a ShawWow sucks up water,  I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between two guys a couple lockers down from me.

They were discussing why the sauna was closed, and one of the guys mentioned how he thought it was broken, but his friend insisted it was because “people were doing weird stuff in there.”

The friend then added that he didn’t understand why people would want to have sex in such a hot place, and the other guy laughed and I was about to interject a witty joke about how people who live in the desert probably never have sex but then thought I better not because I don’t think people actually live in the desert.

There was a lull in the conversation right then, but one of the men broke it by saying, “I certainly wouldn’t have sex with a guy anyway – hahaha!”

And that was it.

The two men just died over this, like they had just said something so illogical it just had to be laughed at.

Imagine…  Two guys…  Having sex!

Why that’s just absurd!  Why would they want to do that?  It just doesn’t make any sense at all.  I mean, two men talking about sports or punching stuff, now that is Normal and not to be laughed at – but sex?

That’s like insisting Paul Walker is an underrated actor – it’s completely ridiculous!

By the time the laughter between the guys finally died down, I was all dressed and ready to leave, so that’s exactly what I did.

Now as I sit at my desk I know that I’m going to have a good day, because there are two guys out there who are certainly Not Gay, and that just makes me feel better about things.


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51 responses to “unbelievable

  1. Ben

    I think two guys in various stages of undress in front of other guys, talking about guys who sleep with guys albeit in a sauna, pushes them closer to gay status than their “I certainly wouldn’t have sex with a guy anyway” comment implies.

    Besides…gay guys do you straight folks a fuck load of favours. Do you even realize how much work relationships were before gay people came in to ease the tension and tell women they’re pretty and tell men how to stay in shape?

    A LOT.

    I appreciate everything you do for us.

  2. Actually people do live in the desert. You know Bedouins and stuff. I also think they do reproduce so they more than likely have sex. I’m not sure how they keep hydrated though.

    I have no point to my comment whatsoever.

    That’s fine with me.

  3. Indrayani

    I didnt know you were homophobic!! 😀

    Surprise! I don’t like straight people either.

  4. Thank GOD they don’t want to have sex with each other. I mean, that would be crazy!!! And Paul Walker….totally underrated. I mean, those 60 second movies or whatever: CLASSIC.

    Three movies about cars going fast – pure genius.

  5. What weird stuff were they doing in the sauna?

    Playing Uno!

  6. It must be hard to be a straight man, such an easy target for so many jokes. The laughter helps them cope.

    Yes, it can be quite trying.

  7. You know those 2 guys are the guilty parties but neither of them is okay with his own homosexuality. So they laugh about it as if to cover it up to the rest of the world and prove it was soooooo not them.


  8. yeah, thank goodness they wouldn’t do that, I mean WTH?

    It would be unbearable.

  9. Do you think two gay men would be laughing so heartily over a man and woman having sex in the sauna?

    Maybe. If they were ugly.

  10. 2 men having sex?!? the insanity of that comment. ha! are you next going to tell me the world is round? i laugh at all this pretend silliness.


  11. ken

    i imagine sex (of any sort) in a sauna to be a very sweaty ordeal.

    Very. Too much sweat.

  12. I’m with Ben and Arielle on this one. At least when gay dudes have sex it’s probably somewhat satisfying for them. Lesbian sex, on the other hand, seems more for show.

    No way! Lies!

  13. One of my friends goes to the sauna every day….

    A week ago while there, he was leaning over relaxing and he felt someone standing in front of him. When he looked up there was some dude with his junk flapping in the wind standing right in his face. He couldn’t hide from it, it was mere inches away from him and he was sitting down while the guy was standing. He asked “Ummm, can I help you?” The guys response “Hi”

    Moral of the story: Weird shit does happen in the sauna. Or maybe thats just in my gym.

    No, I’m sure it happens in my gym too.

  14. Matt

    You don’t have co-ed saunas?

    thats the saddest part of this whole story. Seeing hot chicks sweating in their bathing suits is half the reason I use the sauna.

    You have co-ed saunas???? Fuck man, I’d never leave!

  15. a) what the hell is a ShawWow??

    b) You’re better than me, I always interject my opinion when pe0ple are being total idiots. It’s an affliction.

    A) Do you not watch TV? Here.
    B) Discussion while I’m naked tend to be short lived.

  16. Ben


    “Hahahaha man….it’s a good thing people like you and I don’t have sex in that sauna. That would be so weird. It’s not like anyone would ever find out but MAN….so weird!”



    “Meet you in the sauna?”

    “Yes please.”

  17. I peed in a sauna once.

    But I was 5.

    Does that count as Weird Stuff?

    Don’t lie, it was yesterday.

  18. Those two? Sharp as a marble.

    Yes, yes they are.

  19. I would have sex with paul walker in a sauna any day and any time. Even at the risk of my skin falling off.

    I’m sure he would give you some good loving for making that sacrifice.

  20. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Deutlich doesn’t know what a Sham Wow is?!

    I know. Unreal.

  21. Two men can do that? Huh.

    Give it a try.

  22. I’m with Ben. That last comment was them giving each other permission to jump each other’s bones. Perhaps they’ve never seen that MadTV sketch about the two football fans.

    I haven’t either, but I see what you’re saying.

  23. maybe they were…
    um, “weird stuff” might be…

    okay, i got nuthin

    Thanks for trying.

  24. I’m still laughing at Ben’s stream of comments…

    I suspect Paul Walker will finally win an Oscar if he has sex in a sauna in ‘ The Fast and Furious 18:Racing Stripes are Hot’.

    Sounds like a winner to me.

  25. They were probably gay, that’s why they found it so funny…
    It’s a good thing you escaped when you did, you know, before they hit on you…

    Oh it’s been done. I’m used to it.

  26. I live in the Castro where my sexual proclivities are shunned and ridiculed every day.

    I’ve even taken to watching Gay porn in an effort to reprogram but NOTHING WORKS.


    I still love you.

  27. If you think that’s hilarious, what about the idea of two men GETTING MARRIED?! I can’t think of anything funnier.

    Except maybe two women. SO WEIRD. Must leave, as now I am laughing so hard I can’t type.

    That can’t happen! It would mess up the holy bond!

  28. Those two? So. Totally. Gay.

    I would bet.

  29. I’ve had sex in the sauna. With a man.


  30. Sex with men jokes are all the rage.

    Let’s start a club about that. You in? We need a cool hand shake first.

  31. Maybe they were the ones having sex in the sauna? I don’t know, locker room conversation is awkward at best.

    Always are.

  32. idontliketoread

    2 of my dads are gay.

    “I have three dads”

    Still my favorite text from you, ever.

  33. I had a strict Baptist friend who was so squeamish he refused to sit in the middle seat of a car next to another guy in case their legs would touch. Everyone said, “We’re pretty sure you’re gay.” When he got married, his receiving-line greeting was, “Are you convinced I’m straight now?”

    Um, no.

    Just wait, he’ll cheat soon, and it won’t be with a woman.

  34. Every time I think I’m over the ShamWow, you go and bring it up again. I really don’t know why I keep throwing away my money on paper towels. Maybe buying things from that shouting TV man isn’t so wrong after all.

    Do it! Slap Chop too.

  35. charmcitykim

    I love when heterosexuals feel the need to announce their heterosexuality. Or who say, “I don’t have a problem with gay people as long as they don’t hit on me.”

    A bit uncomfortable in your sexuality, eh?


  36. Ask Alice

    I’ve had sex in a sauna. My ex and I had a competition to see who could stay in their respective saunas longer at the hotel we were staying at. I lost but realized that there was absolutely no one else within miles of the sauna. It was sweaty alright, but actually pretty awesome.

    Sex is usually pretty fun, so I agree, I don’t think it would be that bad.

  37. I would have sex in a sauna. I would have sex in a steamroom.

    Hell, I would even have sex on the sidewalk.

    I’m not turning anything down at this point.

    I bet your husband loves that.

  38. Dolce reinvents Green Eggs & Ham. Haha!

    Uh, I don’t get it.

  39. Paul Walker isn’t underrated? Next you’re going to tell me that Freddy Prinze Jr. is a bad actor also. Get serious here.

    I’m trying to pull the last movie I can remember Prinze being in and all I’m coming up with is something about him being a king, or maybe something with princesses? I’m not cheating here, that’s all I can think of. Now I must go to imdb and find out.


    I was right! Kind of. It’s a cartoon.

  40. heheh I would love to see some of that sauna actions.

    Oh yeah? Most people don’t like man sex, but only because our equipment isn’t that nice looking.

  41. I’m less angry at the fact that they are completely and total stupid as I am that they honored a terrible joke with that much laughter. Do we have no standards for comedy in this country?

    It’s like a knock knock gone wrong.

  42. Me thinks one or both of those gentlemen were homophobes.

    Or closet gays.

    Or something weird. ha!

    Either one fits I think.

  43. I was going to say something about those guys are obviously gay. No doubt in my mind. But now I just want Melissa to elaborate on her comment.

    I’m sure she would too, if you asked her.

  44. Ugh, overhearing that would make me so uncomfortable. What awkward losers.

    PS- I would also have sex in a sauna. In fact, it sounds a little bit awesome.

  45. Evan

    I would just like to go on record saying Paul Walker IS an underrated actor. He’s is basically the next generation of Keanu Reeves, an actor you can make fun of, but you cant question his body of work. Starting with Pleasantville, then Fast and the Furious (a beat by beat remake of Point Break, think about it), to Joyride, a totally underrated horror film, to Running Scared, a totally badass flick, Paul Walker’s been doing his thing, and I hope I can corner him in a sauna one day.

  46. Sex in a Sauna. It’s on my to do list.

  47. Well haha, of course it’s illogical. It’s impossible for two guys to have sex, silly. Where would they put…


  48. oh but paul walker is an underrated actor…did you not see varsity blues? prime acting there i tell you, haha.

  49. mmmm…. i couldn’t agree more with dolce & lilu. hot & sweaty is good. steam rooms don’t seem to make me as thirsty as saunas.

    sex on the beach: too sandy to be practical, right?

  50. Moments like this make me happy I’m a girl.

  51. hautepocket

    The only thing worse than the interaction you just described would be the absence of Sun Chips from my life.

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