Sometimes I wonder what Gavin Rossdale thinks about.
You remember Gavin, right? He fronted the We Wish We Were Nirvana/Brit pop group Bush, and brought us such hits as “Comedown” by proudly declaring that he wouldn’t come back down from that cloud, because it had taken him all that time to find out what he needed, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wonder if thinks about his band Bush, and how the album Sixteen Stone, though pretty terrible, was the soundtrack to teenager’s lives across the nation.
But mainly I wonder if he secretly hates his wife.
I wonder if he lays awake at night, rolls on his side and curses her name under his breath – “Gwen fucking Stefani.”
How could he not?
He was the one who everyone used to talk about. He was the one who Rocked. Then he had to go and get married, like some kind of idiot.
Now I bet when he hears “Hollaback Girl” and Gwen starts singing about bananas, he clenches his fists and thinks, “I could have come up with that, why didn’t I think of that??? Spelling Gavin! People like to spell in songs!”
And when Gwen came out with her clothing line L.A.M.B., which is full of clothes that make one wonder if she’s mentally stable, Gavin, I’m sure, slammed his head against the nearest wall repeatedly until he passed out.
Also, I’m sure Gavin brought up the fact that naming their second child Zuma Nesta Rock was a sure fire way to have the child pummeled by every bully within a thirty mile radius of his home, but ultimately gave in when Gwen replied, “Well, then maybe we should just name him Kurt Cobain, I bet you’d like that wouldn’t you?”
I wonder if Gavin realizes what an odd life he’s had.
I wonder if he knows that any time he wants, he and Bush are welcome to do a reunion tour. Because I know at least one blogger who will be front and center, ready to tell him: “It’s okay man, it’s okay.”