i feel you

Sometimes I wonder what Gavin Rossdale thinks about.

You remember Gavin, right?  He fronted the We Wish We Were Nirvana/Brit pop group Bush, and brought us such hits as “Comedown” by proudly declaring that he wouldn’t come back down from that cloud, because it had taken him all that time to find out what he needed, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wonder if thinks about his band Bush, and how the album Sixteen Stone, though pretty terrible, was the soundtrack to teenager’s lives across the nation.

But  mainly I wonder if he secretly hates his wife.

I wonder if he lays awake at night, rolls on his side and curses her name under his breath – “Gwen fucking Stefani.”

How could he not?

He was the one who everyone used to talk about.  He was the one who Rocked.  Then he had to go and get married, like some kind of idiot.

Now I bet when he hears “Hollaback Girl” and Gwen starts singing about bananas, he clenches his fists and thinks, “I could have come up with that, why didn’t I think of that???  Spelling Gavin!  People like to spell in songs!”

And when Gwen came out with her clothing line L.A.M.B., which is full of clothes that make one wonder if she’s mentally stable, Gavin, I’m sure, slammed his head against the nearest wall repeatedly until he passed out.

Also, I’m sure Gavin brought up the fact that naming their second child Zuma Nesta Rock was a sure fire way to have the child pummeled by every bully within a thirty mile radius of his home, but ultimately gave in when Gwen replied, “Well, then maybe we should just name him Kurt Cobain, I bet you’d like that wouldn’t you?”

I wonder if Gavin realizes what an odd life he’s had.

I wonder if he knows that any time he wants, he and Bush are welcome to do a reunion tour.  Because I know at least one blogger who will be front and center, ready to tell him: “It’s okay man, it’s okay.”

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55 Comments

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55 responses to “i feel you

  1. I hate the both of them.

    That is all.

    Short and sweet – I appreciate that.

  2. I laughed really hard when I read this. Hard enough for my coworker to ask what was so funny. At which point I said (because I’m supposed to be working, not reading blogs), “uhhh, I just remembered an episode of Two and a Half Men” and she looked at me like I was a total idiot.

    Now I know how people look at Gavin Rossdale.

    Yeah, the only way you’ll get a look of approval from someone when citing Charlie Sheen works is if you mention Young Guns.

  3. Gavin who again?

    Yeah, that pretty much says it all.

    Yes.

  4. This shit is bananas! B-A-N-A….I’ll stop now.

    Thank you.

  5. You have to give Gavin a little bit of credit though. He did meet Gwen during/shortly after her “Spiderwebs” and “I’m just a girl” phase when she was still pretty rockin’. You know, before she started dancing only with Asian women in her music videos and spelling to earn mass appeal.

    Maybe, just maybe, it was Gavin that pushed her over the edge.

    Yes, I think you have nailed it.

  6. Matt

    All I really remember is those shirts that said Bush with the asteriks?

    I cant say I remember any of their songs.

    So, in short- I’m pretty sure Gwen cheats on him.

    Definitely.

  7. Red

    I wonder if achieving fleeting glory is worse than just going along with a quiet, ordinary life. I suspect it is.

    I agree.

  8. i used to hate gwen stefani until i finally admitted it is because we share a birthday and i am actually a lot kind of like her and i just wish i was the one prancing around in age-inappropriate outfits and had a gang of hipster asians to dance around me.

    gavin rossdale will ALWAYS suck.

    No fucking way. Just because you act like a fucking idiot and dress like a jack ass all the time doesn’t mean you’re cool.

  9. Tim

    I’m pretty sure he’s not too angry when he steps into his diamond encrusted shower and bathes in liquid gold that is all paid for by her annoying career.

    Mmmm… Liquid gold…

  10. like most girls my age i went through a phase of wanting to do gavin rossdale… preferably while he put me into a coma with letting the cables sleep

    I think you and every single girl I knew back then loved him.

  11. I too couldn’t name a Bush song. I’m just glad they’re not president anymore.

    I second that.

  12. They have the cutest kids ever. Kingston? He makes my ovaries hurt.

    Time for little Jamies!

  13. I heard Zuma was Gavin’s idea.

    You heard wrong.

  14. I still have no idea what Glycerine is.

    Me neither.

  15. Zuma was conceived through hate sex. Hands down.

    Hahaha – wait. Hate sex is bad?

  16. ML

    Now here’s the thing …

    I idolized Gwen Stefani when I was growing up, and of course everyone loved Gavin Rossdale because he was hot/rockin. But Gwen Stefani DID take a turn for the worst. It’s as though she joined two pretty awesome 90’s bands, she decided that the next step after punk/rock/alternative music was rap. White girl rap. And cutesy pop songs that make everyone cringe.

    However, she’s still hot. She’s still cute. And I’d like to think that they are one of the more respectable couples in the celebrity scene, mostly because they aren’t IN the celebrity scene. You don’t hear about their drama, because they don’t want you to. I respect that.

    But yes, he probably hates her. I would too. She sings about bananas.

    -ML

    You put this much more eloquently than I did.

  17. I’d be pissed if I married some smoking hot punk rock girl and all of a sudden she was into hip-hop or whatever the hell you want to call that shit.

    That is like a girl stuffing her bra – false advertising.

    Yes and yes.

  18. Was I hallucinating, or was he on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition a few weeks ago?

    I have no idea, I try to stay away from the show.

  19. It took the clothing line to make you question Gwen’s mental stability? Really? And all this time I thought you were smart.

    Hey! I is smart.

  20. What’s all this about Gavin and a Bush?

    Nothing really, it’s pretty inconsequential.

  21. This is your best post.

    You are so sensitive.

    I try my best.

  22. He probably thinks about the poster I had of him when I was twelve (and how I renamed all my Ken dolls Gavin) and regrets not marrying ME.

    AND then he thinks about how Gavin DeGraw came on the scene and got famous for music 1000 times worse than his and is like: “… I give up.”

    Then he goes and cries in his golden shower (hehehehehehehe golden showerrrrr).

    Him and R Kelly, loving the pee.

  23. I was like 13 when I saw No Doubt open up for Bush or something…

    I got their autographs then too. ON A CASSETTE TAPE. so awesome. man, Gwen was hot back then.

    I hope you still have that tape.

  24. gavin is the reason i wore those huge metal beaded choker necklaces freshman year of high school.

    i am bitter.

    You have every right to be.

  25. Probably the same way that Ethan Hawke thought about Uma. I wonder if he’s going to start hittin’ it with the nanny…

    Let’s hope so.

  26. bwp

    if I was Gavin I’d try to mack on all those harijuku girls. They dress poorly, like Gwen, so they’re his style, but they aren’t more famous. Plus, everyone loves Asians.

    I actually am not really attracted to asian women.

  27. bwp

    I think I misused like, a thousand commas in my comment. I blame Red Bull.

    And Gwen Stefani. Just cause.

    I didn’t even notice.

  28. i want to apply glycerine all over gavin’s body.

    and i actually love this couple, i just wish LAMB wasn’t so damn expensive.

    baaaaah baaaaaaaa.

    Nice. Very nice animal sounds.

  29. Weird you’d be writing about this. I just heard him on the radio here in San Diego, and he was talking about how he plays tennis with Roger Federer all the time.

    Seems like a nice guy…but like all Rain Towners, we tend to dismiss the Gavin as Cobain, the New Coke version.

    I heard that he plays with Federer. I wonder if that’s why he has fallen off lately.

  30. CapriceClassic

    I never even knew who Gavin Rossdale was until he married Gwen Stefani. And even now, I only know him as Gwen’s husband and baby-daddy. Poor guy – he shoulda married a nobody instead.

    Wow – you didn’t know that? I need to get you up to speed on pop culture!

  31. I often wonder what random celebrities at This Very Moment. Are they watching TV? Shopping?

    I think Gavin thinks about Gwen and says to himself, “I tapped that”.

    Not anymore dude. He’s done it like a thousand times now.

  32. It has to be tough being married to someone that most people think can do no wrong! People just LOVE Gwen and she just seems so perfect even though she has questionable fashion choices, she manages to pull it off.
    Gavin definitely hates himself.

    Yes, he does.

  33. longredcape

    Bush was my first rock concert ever. I was OBSESSED with him/them.

    Like most girls.

  34. I bet he thinks, “Yeah, I’m not famous anymore, but I’m fucking Gwen Stefani, SUCKERS!”

    I mean, come on, she’s GWEN STEFANI!

    She’s not that hot.

  35. I wonder the same thing all the time. It’s like he married her and she turned into someone completely different. That poor kid too – Zuma is only one letter away from being Zima.

    That kid is going to have a rough childhood.

  36. Katsu

    maybe this post says more about your insecurities and resentments than Gavin’s? i’d think that he’s supportive of his wife and is happy for her success. or is this married person logic vs. single-person-projecting-onto-married-people logic? no snark, just wondering.
    K.

    No way – I’m way more successful than my fiancee – I have a blog!

  37. Jaclyn

    I bet Gavin is having a good laugh about this today: http://news.yahoo.com/s/eonline/20090206/en_celeb_eo/98796

    Haha! Serves her right.

  38. If Bush goes back on tour I am SO THERE. I miss them.

  39. Noooooooooooooooooooo

    I can’t believe you just got the Bananas song in my head. We’re through.

    Well, okay, maybe not. Just don’t let it happen again, or I’ll have to come back and sing the freecreditreport.com song for you.

  40. Pants

    Though I definitely have a Gwen Stefani guilty pleasure issue…this shit was funny as hell. Thanks, I needed that laugh.

  41. Gavin, at least, doesn’t hate his life as much as Scott Stapp.

    Because he led that band that wanted to be like Bush. Talk about shooting for the moon….

  42. well gavin performed on extreme home makeover, gwen can’t say she did that one yet? so that’s a one up right? right?

  43. JK

    I have sat and pondered this same thought. All I can think is that Gwen Stefani carries around magic dust and he’s gotten most of it. The rest of it has gone to all of the people who made “this s*** is bananas” popular.

  44. LOL i dont know what’s so good about L.A.M.B. They sell pretty trashy stuff.

  45. Well, I love Gwen Stefani, I mean, she’s somehow “appealing”, but sometimes I wonder why she’s taken as a fashion icon, sometimes it just seems she was terribly stoned and wasted (and possesed by a cheap slut) when she got dressed.

  46. And is that ONE blogger you?

  47. I’m not sure what he’s thinking, but I read recently that he plays tennis a lot. Hmm…

  48. He was hot when I was in the 8th grade. I got to give him some credit though, because he knew his career was in the shitter, so why not marry her so he could continue getting that fabulous hair cut…???

  49. sixteen stone = junior high soundtrack

  50. ho nghi

    thanks for sharing

  51. She is insane hot. That’s all I have to say on this matter, since I have no idea who Gavin Rossdale is.

    You can spank me now if you’d like.

    You’re old is all. 😀

  52. Nirvana sucks, Christopher.

    Bush was SOOO much better!

    Whew, I’m glad we got that straightened out. 😛

  53. Lol @ “…Spelling Gavin! People like to spell in songs!”

    How true is that? And what does this say about us as a people?

  54. ron

    dude gets to bang gwen stefani at will, I bet he makes her shout B-a-n-a-n-a-s when she is on top

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