My block is like any other block in Brooklyn, in that one street can be beautiful with children playing games on the sidewalk, and the next street can be full of intimidating men Selling Things. Things that are bad. Bad like drugs. Drugs are bad.
Just like the norm, my street is pretty nice, but in the early morning when I go to the gym before work, at the end of my block there are always hookers hanging around.
Normally I pass by them and they pay me no mind, which is usually okay with me, but this morning was different. Today I happened to find myself walking just behind another man, and when he passed by, one of the hookers slithered up to him and sexily (well as sexily as a mid-50’s woman with a crack habit can sound) murmured, “Hey baby…”
I didn’t stick around to see if they were going to start playing Chinese Checkers or whatever it is men do with hookers, but I did notice that there was another prostitute standing right by them, and she said nothing to me.
No “Hey baby.”
No “What chu up to today suga?”
No “You look like you have low self-esteem. Well so do I, so you should pay me for sex that will probably leave you with red bumps on your soldier.”
Of course I was deeply upset about this. What could be the reason that I didn’t get solicited?
Am I not good looking enough for a hooker hanging around at 6:10 in the morning? Granted my shoes could use a shine, but couldn’t she look past that?
Or maybe the hooker gave me a once over and thought that I would not be able to provide the Good Time that she wanted. Well does she even know that I work out? I mean, if she wants three minutes you better believe I can give three minutes. Followed by a snack and a nap of course.
It doesn’t really matter what the reason was, the fact remains that I was given the cold shoulder by a hooker today and that means I need to make some changes.
Starting tomorrow morning I’m going to unbutton my shirt to show my twelve chest hairs when I pass by them. If that doesn’t change their minds, I don’t know what will.