There’s a lot to be scared of in the world today. We’ve got terrorism, there’s salmonella-infected peanut products and House continues to be viewed by thousands of otherwise normal functioning people across the United States.
I’ll tell you what really scares me though. Teenagers.
Right around the corner from my office is a high school, and every day, I have to walk by and hope that none of them go berserk and kill me for no reason at all. Because that is something teenagers do.
They do things for no reason, and that makes them the scariest thing ever.
Have you seen a teenager lately? Tell me they don’t scare you.
If their hair isn’t bad enough, at any moment two teenagers could spontaneously start making out with each other, with no regard to the fact that 1) they are both ugly and 2) other people don’t want to see their zits rubbing against each other.
Then there are the teenagers who like to start fights.
Years ago, when I was working as a Social Worker (I know, weird, right?) part of my job was to visit the families on my case load once a month at their homes. Because I worked with low income people, this meant I spent a lot of time in the projects.
The projects can be a scary place for a White Guy In Slacks, but the only trouble I ever experienced was from teenagers. I saw bullet holes in the apartments I was going to visit and had one lady tell me that I “shouldn’t be here,” but the worst was from the teens.
One day on my way out of a building, I passed by a group. One of them, I suspect the Brains Of The Operation, called out, “What the fuck you doing here white boy???”
Of course I kept walking and ignored them because there were ten of them and I was wearing slacks and I was white (but not a boy) and a response that “Oh, I was just helping a family here and getting seriously underpaid while doing it” wouldn’t have been the answer he was looking for.
Naturally they laughed at me because who works for less than they should, and maybe also because my slacks were pretty ugly.
But the point is that those teens, and teens everywhere around us, will do anything at any moment for no reason at all – which makes them scary as hell.
Come to think of it, my boss is like that too. I think I should get a new job.