nobody gimme no back talk!

I’m one of those annoying people who owns an iPhone, and yes I love it even though it has the worst service ever and sometimes vibrates for no reason at all.

One of the major selling points for the iPhone is the applications that you can download, ranging from To Do lists to games.  Of course I’ve downloaded tons of them, and then promptly never used them again.

This is how Apple gets you.  They make this cool thing, then tell you to buy other cool things to have on your cool thing, with the end result you telling your sad iPhone-less friends “Look how cool this thing is.”  It’s marketing genius really.

The problem with the apps is that they get old quickly though.  I once downloaded a soccer game (for ten fucking dollars) and I thought it was the best game ever.  The graphics were great and it was genuinely entertaining – for about two weeks.

Eventually I came to the realization that the soccer game was taking up precious memory space that I could fill with songs like “The Final Countdown” (arguably the best use of a synthesizer ever) and “Under The Milk Way” (still makes me think of Donnie Darko which still creeps me out), so I deleted it.

That’s the fate most of my apps have met – I love them for a short period of time and then I never use them again or just end up erasing them.

But yesterday another blogger told me through Twitter about an app that I love now that I downloaded it.  An app that will blow your mind – and it’s free.

I’m talking about iPity.

It’s a random Mr. T quote generator, and with the sound on, there’s Mr. T shouting at you: “Got no time for da jibba jabba!” It’s pretty much life-changing.  You can also choose quotes if you want to.  In fact last night I sat on my couch and kept using it whenever Ari would ask me something.  Once she got fed up with me and told me to stop, I used on final “No way fool!”  It was sweet.

If you have an iPhone or iTouch or iButt or whatever, go download iPity, I promise you won’t regret it.

Well, at least for two weeks.


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59 responses to “nobody gimme no back talk!

  1. This was just a little too convincing. You may force me to abandon my smoke signals and messenger pigeons. Neither of them do a very good Mr. T.

    It’s better this way, trust me.

  2. I pity the fool!

    Hey sucka – you got to pay!

  3. Well maybe you’re just misunderstanding the vibrations. Maybe it just feels like you need a little thrill in your pocket every once in a while.

    It does thrill you doesn’t it Chris?

    Uh, yes, just a little.

  4. Well, I don’t have an iPhone or iTouch (just a sad 1st generation Nano. DON’T MAKE FUN OF ME CAUSE I LOVE IT!! RAAARRRRR!!!), but I promise I’ll download the app if you buy me either an iPhone or iTouch. Promise. 😉

    I’ll have to get back to you on that.

  5. And I freaking love Mr. T.


    What’s not to love?

  6. rachel

    I love random vibrations in my pocket…and Mr. T.

    I like how many of you are commenting on vibrations.

  7. Vibrates unexpectedly? I’d get the damn iPhone just for that titillating reason. I kid. Hands down, despite the shitty service for “some” areas and the so-so plans, it’s a gorgeous piece of equipment.
    Can I have yours?

    You’re not kidding. It’s okay.

  8. Wow…you just sold a handful of iphones on just that one post. They should pay you 😉


  9. I read NPW’s tweet about that app yesterday and I laughed out loud for awhile. I don’t own an iPhone or I would have downloaded it ASAP. And the fact that it’s called iPity just made it about 10,000 times awesomer. Ahahaha.

    I know – I love the name.

  10. JustinS

    Am I the only person on the planet who thought Donnie Darko was pretty much dumb?

    But The Final Countdown is fantastic. Makes me think of Gob Bluth now.

    I think so – I like the movie. Even though it took me six times to understand it.

  11. Dane downloaded the Cylon Detector yesterday and the dog whistle which whistles in dog hearing range. So now not only is he pointing his phone at everything he thinks might be a cylon (like the coffee pot, for example) he is torturing ZZ with silent whistles.

    Thank you so much Steve Jobs.

    He is a god.

  12. Matt


    I’m going to download it right now.

    Do it!

  13. I am relieved you didn’t have to pay for that crap.
    Yes, I said it: CRAP!

    Shut up fool!

  14. I miss Mr. T.

    He misses you too. There’s a quote that says, “Where my Deutlich at fool?”

  15. I’ve been addicted to the Sol Free app for a lot longer than 2 weeks. A LOT LONGER. I may just need to try iPity though. If it will annoy people, then it will bring me joy.

    It will, it’s fantastic.

  16. The number one best Mr. T product is the voice add on for the Tom Tom. Mr. T tells you “In 800 yards, make a right, not a left, a right, don’t give Mr. T no jibba jabba” cracks me up every time.

    I will sooo be getting that whenever I get a car.

  17. I’ve been trying to communicate Mr. T-isms via semaphore, but Navy men aren’t as interested in my humor as they are in other parts of me.

    Is there an application that helps deal with shame?


  18. I suspect this is an app you will be using for a good, long time – on the subway, in meetings, annoying Ari at home. I pity the fools who come in daily contact with you.

    Prediction? Pain.

  19. Red

    While I love “The Final Countdown” and would have it as my ringtone if I could (I don’t get all fancy with the downloadable ringtones) a la GOB Bluth, my “Best Use of a Synthesizer Ever” goes to Van Halen, first for “Jump” but also, I’ve gotta admit it, for “Love Walks In.”

    No way, I can’t stand Van Halen.

  20. I pity the fool that don’t have an Iphone.
    (I’m that fool).

    I pity you!

  21. I love the ‘you show me yours and I’ll show you mine’ interaction that happens every time I meet another iphone user. I just have to see their apps.

    I played that interaction when I was a little kid with other girls, it was great. Doesn’t have quite the same results now that I’m an adult.

  22. And this is the first time I’ve even consider the necessity of getting an iPhone. Marketing genius, indeed, but that’s just how awesome Mr. T is.

    Side note: I had a bookmark that I used throughout my childhood that had a picture of the Mohawked One on it and said “I pity the fool who loses my place!” How fucking great is that?

    WHAT??? Man, that is fucking awesome!

  23. This reminds me of the time I had an Arnold S. quote generator back in college… we’d prank call people. It was pre iPhone, but it was great!

    That does sound great.

  24. I too love iPity and texted all my fellow iPhone to friends to download it immediately!

    I just actually read an article about app ADD – it’s so true!!!

    Thanks for the list of other must have apps earlier in your blog.

    It’s true – they pretty much all suck.

  25. I bet if I switch my BB to Iphone and have to download all these stuff I will blow all my lunch money.


    Count on it.

  26. Am downloading currently. This is too freaking awesome.

    And as for “The Final Countdown” (arguably the best use of a synthesizer ever) ?

    There’s no arguably about it, my friend. That’s a hands-down.

    I’m glad you agree.

  27. “worst service ever and sometimes vibrates for no reason at all….” uh what?? I have the best service and have no idea what this vibrating for no reason at all is … because mine never does that. seriously.

    anyway, I jail broke my iPhone and it was one of the best things I have ever done. 🙂

    Must just be my piece of shit one then. I have a first generation one too, so maybe that’s it.

  28. When I hear that someone has created a FUTURAMA quote generator, I don’t know how I’ll be able to resist getting an iPhone any longer.

    You are like one of 17 people who watched that show.

  29. There is no question ‘The Final Countdown’ is the best use of a synthesizer ever. Followed closely by Van Halen’s ‘Jump’.

    I hate Van Halen.

  30. Ben

    I went for the iPod Touch but don’t be fooled, I still talk into it every now and then to feel like I’m part of the iPhone cool crowd.

    A perfect plan.

  31. i think “my girlfriend puts up with a lot” should also have been one of the tags today.

    Yeah, you’re probably right.

  32. I love my iPhone too and have the same issue as you w/ my apps turning boring or useless after a week’s time. And your timing on this is amazing b/c this past weekend was the first time I was introduced to iPity. I was hooked. I played it over and over and over. It is hilarious. I love it. I’m hooked.

    Yes! You have good taste.

  33. I have the G-1 and use most of the apps for the I-Phone 1/2 the cost. I wonder if they have this twitter app for it?

    For your sake, I hope they do.

  34. Hi,
    New here.:) Haha! I don’t have an iPhone but that application sounds great! I must get one now!

    Hi – and yes, do it now. If you have to skip paying a bill, do it.

  35. I’m not sure about how much I trust the iphone. We went to a basketball game in D.C., and our friend, with his way cool gadget, was like, ‘oh yeah, let’s go eat somewhere, my iphone will take us there — cuz it has a map!’ It was like 22 degrees outside, and we got SO lost, following the damn phone, by the time we sat down for dinner, I needed someone to hook me up with new-toes app…cuz mine froze, fell off, and were sitting at the bottom of a sewer somewhere in Chinatown.

    Haha – yeah, overall it can be a bitch, but it’s still pretty damn cool.

  36. bwp

    I need this application. Like, right now.

    No, really, I am getting it right this instant.

    Yes! Then please start texting me random quotes.

  37. did you see how mr T is hawking snickers bars these days? it’s so damn odd.

    I know, but I actually think it’s a good fit.

  38. holy crapola this is genius!

    i don’t have an iphone. but if i did? well, i probably wouldn’t download it because i wouldn’t know how to work it.

    i’d just have to do the Mr. T quotes on my own. and then probably get beat up.

    Or at least a couple of odd looks.

  39. iPhone….you fuckin sheep.

    Hey, I got mine about two months after it came out! So, at least I was one of the first sheep.

  40. this is why i love using my nav. i have the Mr T voice on it and it’s awesome! it even beats out the burt reynolds & dennis hopper directions!

    and while i don’t have an iphone i want one solely to have the level application… i know i’d never use it but it’s so damn cool!

    I can’t wait to own a car again solely for that reason.

  41. So, if Ari told you “Jack and me are moving out if you don’t stop it”, your iPity would say…

    You crazy fool!

  42. I think I might need to get an iPhone now. All I want on it is iPity and the zooborns app… then I can just spend my days keeping up to date with newborn zoo animals and answering anyone who tries to interrupt me with Mr. T.

    I think this sounds like a glorious life.

    A life of a King. Or a Queen.

  43. I’m definitely getting that ASAP. It sounds a lot cooler than the last one I downloaded: a level.

    I’m not good at picking apps.

    Try harder, I believe in you.

  44. I don’t own an iPhone so I have no idea what any of this means.

    I feel bad for you. This was the best blog post ever written.

  45. I would like an iMacGyver application. I’ll never be trapped in a nuclear waste decontamination chamber or a bad date ever again.

    That would be awesome.

  46. I was totally that friend who got the iPhone and was like YOUR LAME. YOU SOOOO NEED AN IPHONE!

    =) I have a million apps and use about 5.

    That seems to be the ratio.

  47. Jess

    I agree with Red about the Van Halen thing. Love walks in > Final countdown.

    And i dont have an i-phone, but feel free to buy me one 😀

    You’re crazy – if the guys from Europe were around still, they’d kick Van Halen’s ass. I have no idea if they’re dead or not, it just sounded better.

  48. That app gives me an iBoner.

    I stole that word from Alexa.

  49. KT

    My fiance downloaded the Harmonica function which he pulls out when he drunk. We recently found the “Jiggler” application where you take a picture of someone and then can make their boobs/crotch area jiggle. It’s hilarious.

  50. another reason why apple will rule the world and I need to get an iPhone. I bet there’s a Sex and the City app – my version of Mr. T

  51. that app is amazing. i love it.

  52. “the final countdown” would be another killer choice for walking into your reception. you know, if “eye of the tiger” doesn’t work out.

  53. Holy crap. How have I made it this far in life without this?

  54. Please tell me you don’t dislike Donnie Darko for it’s creepiness?! I love that movie! You should download “Mad World” by Gary Jules. Majorly depressing, but not so creepy.

    I love Mr. T, and I will proudly admit that I ate A-Team cereal when I was little.

    Now I want an iPhone, and feel old.

  55. i love my iphone but I don’t want to pay for apps without being sure they are awesome. You should write a post about the best iPhone apps, since it sounds like you have tried them all. You could review them?

  56. 10 bucks for a game? really?

  57. I must correct you:

    “‘The Final Countdown (arguably the best use of a synthesizer ever)”

    Should read:

    “‘The Final Countdown’ (arguably the best SONG EVER)”

    I’m just saying…

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