get to it

Science and technology are overall, pretty great.

I’m glad they are around to give us stuff like electric toothbrushes and hula hoops, and yeah, I was happy when texting became available so I could send my drunken thoughts on jelly donuts (no ever eats them, it’s like this complete myth of a donut) to all my friends.

However, when we consider all the advancements that science has given us, there is one thing that is glaringly amiss:

Hopefully they make a model in something a little more masculine.

Hopefully they make a model in something a little more masculine.

No, not Michael J. Fox’s stunning good looks – I’m talking about the hoverboard.

If there was one thing that I would ask scientists, it would be “What happened to the hoverboard?”  When Back to the Future II hit the theaters, and we saw Marty McFly creating the hoverboard by ripping apart a kid’s scooter, the entire world sat back and said, “Well, forget cancer research, this is something we need to have.”

And after the movie there were rumors – oh how there were rumors!  Mattell was busy constructing one, but didn’t have the resources to do it, and on and on.  With each rumor I wondered – is today the day they finally figure out the hoverboard?

But no.

The years went by and still no hoverboard.  Oh sure, since we first saw the hoverboard we got things like The Hubble Telescope (pictures of space!  Woo hoo!) and the cloning of Dolly The Sheep (now, with cleaner poop!), but who really cares about that stuff?  And since Back to the Future II was set in 2015, the scientists really don’t have much more time to get this thing on track.

Enough of the games, Smart People – I want a hoverboard and I want one now.

Stop everything else and get on it, scientists.  And while you’re at it, figure out how to make it go faster over water, because you better believe I plan on taking that baby to the beach.  We’ll see how cool those surfers think they are then.


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53 responses to “get to it

  1. YES. YES. That is all I can say to this post. VERY YES.

    And this: MJF and I have a SERIOUS love affair.

    And this: Jelly donuts are so gross. They’re always left in the box and if you’re the last person, you’re like maybe it’s frosting, and then it’s not, and you’re pissed. So you try to eat around the jelly, but eventually get frustrated, throw the whole thing out, and chug coffee.

    Not that MJF and I would know or anything. If MJF gave me a jelly donut, I’d eat the hell out of that thing.

    Apparently I have alot to say about this post.

    I think your comment was better than the post.

  2. Where’ve you been, Chris? I have 2 of those things!

    Give me one!

  3. Ben

    I always wanted that cloud surfer thing from that show with the Disney Bear who drove the airplane.

    Please tell me I didn’t make that show up.

    Tale Spin!!!!!!! I loved that cartoon! +4,696666648854 for making me remember that. Dude’s name was Launchpad!

  4. Ari

    I so wanted a Hoover board!! They said that we would all be riding them by the year 2000.

    Do you remember that show on Discovery Channel – “The Year 2000?” They said we’ve all sorts of cool shit and a cure for cancer. . . what the hell happened?!

    We all started drinking more.

  5. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a jelly donut in the wild, much less in captivity. Truly, they are the Sasquatch of breakfast foods.

    Now, hover boards, on the other hand…

    I’m 30. I’ve never seen anyone eat a jelly donut.

  6. jelly doughnuts are for cops and cops only. stereotypically, that is.

    Good point.

  7. YES.

    I was watching BTTF II on New Year’s and had the same discussion with my friends. We don’t have long before those one size fits all clothes that dry themselves and flying cars are supposed to be on the market as well.

    Yes, how weird was that the jacket dried itself by the way? I mean, what? In the future we’re all going to be getting into pools of water a lot more with our clothes on?

  8. Yeah but what about time travel and teleportation? These so called inventors and scientists are really slacking.

    I would KILL for teleportation.

  9. Stem cells shmem shmells! Hover board… NOW there’s something practical. You cannot take your stem cells to a beach party now can you?! I’m so glad you are pushing for this. I am so OVER useless gadgets like retarded alien-like little vacuum cleaners that roll around on the floor, bumping into walls doing a whole lot of nothing! Hover Boards…they make me wanna say things like, “Heck yeah!”

    Or Fuck Yeah, even.

  10. I totally agree. Those things would be like the new Tickle Me Elmo and sell out faster than pancakes. Then people would get trampled in Wal-Mart and die just to try to get their hands on a hoverboard. I know I would! A hoverboard is totally worth risking death by stampede.

    I’m with you.

  11. It would take you one week to get a Hovering Under the Influence.

    Haha – I was thinking more like a day or two.

  12. Forget hoverboards, I’m still waiting for my flying Delorean.

    Baby steps.


    Why are people hating on the jelly donuts?
    What has the jelly donut ever done to anyone except be delicious and maybe cover them with a light blanket of powdery sweet sugary goodness?

    They’re my favorite and I won’t stand for all of these anti-jellyites saying bad things about them.

    So you eat them?

    I WON’T.

  14. CapriceClassic

    What the hell is it about white folks and gliding on water or snow? Skis, knee boards, etc. Seriously. I.don’

    And yeah, jelly donuts suck – whoever had the bright idea to stuff jelly into a perfectly delicious raised-glazed should have been instantly impaled.

    White people do a lot of stupid things.

  15. Matt

    seems like NASA should be all over this… but then, of course, they are not.

    Also, I have been annoying co-workers all morning with my ipity app. So thanks for that.

    Awesome! And of course NASA isn’t doing a damn thing – fucking worthless organization.

  16. ha! i never realized how gay looking the hoverboard art was.

    I want one with a car exploding on it.

  17. as long as they make every model in neon colors i’m all for it. masculine schmasculine.

    How about flames? Flames are always pretty cool.

  18. First of all, jelly donuts are delicious. DELICIOUS. Second of all, they are a lesser known but equally important Chanukah tradition. Though I don’t think I’ve ever actually eaten a jelly donut on Chanukah. But in theory, people do. Somewhere. Therefore, you have offended my entire religion and WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS.

    Seriously, try one. They’re awesome.

    I renounce your religion!

  19. Hee hee.. 😀
    good one!!
    I hope the science fraternity reads this…

    Me too.

  20. Jelly donuts are the chlamydia of the donut box. Noone wants it but some unsuspecting bastard is going to get it anyways.

    Haha – oh man, that is nasty.

  21. i ONLY eat jelly donuts. but then i am also a complete myth.

    And also a legend.

  22. Tim

    I read a story the other day about how some a-hole paid $155,000 to have his dog cloned. If I had that much money to burn I’d get a dog from the pound and a skateboard that floats.

    and that Bar Rafelli chick with the left over money.

    Bar would totally ditch Leo for you.

  23. Megan made me spit out my coffee…on my computer. Thanks for that Meghan, now who is going to clean out my keyboard?

    Not me.

  24. I’d prefer other types of donuts myself.

    And I want hoverboard.


  25. I was convinced I could make my own Hoverboard when I was younger. I was also convinced I would be a contestant on Double Dare. Sadly, I’ve never realized either dream.

    Keep trying!

  26. jay grochalski

    it’s about fucking time someone mentioned this! and where in the hell are the flying cars and time machines?

    I bet Ford has them stashed somewhere.

  27. I want those rolling roads Heinlein promised me.

    I’ll wait.

    It’ll come, it’ll come.

  28. I would want a hover surf board. Just sayin’


  29. listen… jelly donuts are fab if you take a bite out of them and squirt all that nonsense out. but only the raspberry ones. All the other ones should never even be made.

    I still wear the Back to the Future II sunglasses I got from Pizza Hut so you better believe I am pissed about this lack of hoverboard shit.

    Hahah – now that is fucking awesome.

  30. Whoa…whoa whoa whoa. I ONLY eat jelly donuts. The jellies at DD are particularly awesome. They were better when they were covered in powdered sugar instead of this granulated crap but they. are. the. best.

    So you’re it – you’re the one who eats them. I should’ve known.

  31. i love that part in BTF II that you showed because it’s where the hoverboard gets stuck over the water and he’s kicking and kicking and kicking. such a good movie.

    ps i love jelly donuts.

    I am so glad I found that picture, though I swear, that looks like a stunt double to me.

  32. The main problem with not having a hoverboard is how am I supposed to get bullies to drive into big piles of shit?

    That is a huge problem.

  33. k8

    So does that mean stealthnerd and Crissy have chlamydia?

    Sadly, yes.

  34. Hmm, you’d think if Mattell couldn’t afford one for people, at least by now, Barbie would have one. What the hell are those people doing over there? Must be the recession.

    Or maybe Ken destroyed it in a jealous rage?

  35. hey, I work in IP and there have been numerous attempts at the Back to the Future hoverboard actually.

    two words, though: it’s coming.

    And because you like my blog you’ll send me one.

  36. Jelly donuts.

    My friend, these are the BEST kind of donuts.

    I say this in the kindest way possible.

    I appreciate you being kind about it.

  37. Borat tried, love. Trump turned him down.

    Trump is such a bastard.

  38. forget hoverboards when the shit are they going to give us some flying cars? i am so disappointed. this movie was so great and i just know when 2015 hits I am going to be so let down….we arent going to have any of that shit.

    and because i am just this big of a nerd. here you go. i am doing my homework.

    Ha – too bad that’s a scam.

  39. They still haven’t figured out how to make us the shower from the Jetsons. You know, where you roll in on the walkway and roll out clean and ready. That’s what I need!”

    Especially when you’re hungover.

  40. Apple spice donuts? Holy fuck, I eat the shit outta those.

    Who said anything about apple spice donuts?

  41. goddamnit I love Back to the Future. …as far as we’ve come, the hoverboard should definitely be a reality.

  42. Toe

    Silly, hoverboards don’t work on water so your whole hover-surfboard would be like a floating shark target. I’ll laugh and point at you when JAWS comes.

  43. Did you see? They DID make the sneakers (or, at least, ones that resembled them.) They were super expensive, but you know, available.

    I need a hoverboard, though. Imagine how many people would take them to work? Less traffic! Less pollution! Let’s get Al Gore on this.

  44. wow. how have i survived 26 years without a hoverboard?
    you are so right.

  45. Does this mean by 2015 we’ll also get a coat that will automatically dry us off when wet? Woohoo!! ‘Cause carrying around this damn umbrella is a pain in my ass.

  46. Apple spice donuts are a jelly-like donut.

  47. Dude, Launchpad was from Duck Tales! The sky surfer kid was Kitt Cloudkicker. 😛

    Yeah. I know that because I’m extremely cool.

    Oh…“Well, forget cancer research, this is something we need to have.” ?!

    I choked on my water laughing at that one.

  48. bwp

    Mine better have a picture of me riding a pegasus on it.

  49. Crap. Man..we’ve got like Darkwing Duck, Talespin and Duck Tales mixed up.

    Baloo flew the plane and Kitt Cloudkicker surfed clouds.

    Launchpad was the big dumb pilot duck from Darkwing.

    And I suppose I just brought up Duck Tales for giggles?

  50. i was just thinking the same thing yesterday. hoverboard needs to happen.

  51. I would exchange my car for a hoverboard as my form of transportation any day.

  52. I’d like to have a hovercar. I’m too lady to stand up while i hover.

  53. I had B to the F II sunglasses from McDonalds. They were all angular and multicolored. At the time, I thought it was a pretty rad Happy Meal toy, but it should have been a Hoverboard.

    We got the Hoverround. Why not the Hoverboard? Old people aren’t the only ones down with hovering.

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