it is not how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up

Look, I understand being dedicated to fitness.

I mean, I go to the gym almost everyday and despite the granny who works out in her sports bra, I still love a good workout like nothing else.

And I’m sure you were in a rush.  These are busy times.  Everyone is in a hurry all the time.

You probably even thought that no one would notice you, and that your decision was based purely on convenience and not wanting to show off to everybody that you are a Healthy Man and A Cyclist.

But here’s the thing – you made a mistake.  When you decided to do this, you were wrong.  Whatever your thought process was before the moment when I snatched your picture, it was Incorrect.

I know, I know – I’ve made mistakes too.  I’ve been on the wrong side of decisions more often than the right, but what’s important is that I learned from those errors in judgment.  When I wrestle with my dog so viciously that he bites my ass so hard it rips a hole in my sweats, I learn not to wrestle with him so much.  Or at least to run away when I’m done.

So I’m hoping that this is a one time deal, and from now on, there will be no more of this.

Because no matter what you say, no matter how you say it, you will never convince me that you couldn’t have changed before you came to the grocery store.

Yes, those are tighty-whitie lines.

Yes, those are tighty-whitie lines.


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60 responses to “it is not how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up

  1. As much as I love a man in tighty whities (I DO, so there), I can’t get on board with these pants. Poor choice, dude.

    So one can only assume that Paco wears nut-huggers, then.

  2. There are so many ways that that picture is just WRONG.

    I’m sorry for the pain your eyes must have gone through….

    I appreciate that.

  3. Those pants are called “grape smugglers” for a reason, dude. Throw on some sweats. No one wants to see your “grapes.”

    Or the vine.

  4. oh now that is just wrong!

    Yes, very wrong.

  5. LMAO! That’s too funny!

    And kinda gross. If you look at the picture just right, it looks like he’s wearing fluffy underpants, the ones little girls wear for underwear under their cute dresses…only he’s sporting it on top of his tights and went for the same color….

    I shudder to think people look like this at the grocery store….

    He probably saves the fluffy stuff for special occasions.

  6. Matt

    I’m fucking speechless.

    I thought I was the only person with those spandex pants.

    At least you have them in pink, not black.

  7. Broke. Every. Man. Law.


  8. Yeah….that’s just wrong.

    Terrible choices.


    You are so turned on right now.

  10. A big fat ass no-no! I can see his heartbeat for freak’s sake. Nast!


  11. jay grochalski

    ah, the cell phone camera. humiliating random strangers since 2001.

    I know, I felt a little bad about doing this, but it had to be done.

  12. Ben

    Dear Women:

    This is what you look like when you wear tights as pants.


    The rest of the unfortunate world who has to look at you.

    Whoa, whoa, whoa… Women, I want you to know that I appreciate these pants on you. I am, being a butt enthusiast, a big fan of this look. You know, but just on you, not men.

  13. basically he was shopping in the man version of pantyhose. you are absolutely right, there is no excuse for this. if i was the manager of that supermarket, i would have pulled him aside and asked him to please have some pants on next time…i mean there were probably impressionable young boys shopping with their mothers. these images can be very harmful to young children. perhaps he will stumble upon your blog and see the err of his ways. you have done him a great service by posting this…its tough love.

    I have to be the one to do it.

  14. bwp

    I avoid this problem by having zero dedication to fitness.

    Good idea.

  15. Some dudes are confident that everyone wants to see their franks and beans! They are wrong.

    Maybe his wife needed some tampons? That’s an emergency!


  16. i see this all too frequently. apparently some people are comfortable in spandex on and off the bike.

    I don’t understand it.

  17. Eewww Eeww. Who let that man outside of his house to be seen by people with eyes?

    I know!

  18. Cyclists are the WORST at this. You don’t see wrestlers running around in singlet’s or swimmers shopping in banana hammocks. It is sheer arrogance.

    Yes it is.

  19. 1987

    ummm…can you direct me to this gentleman?

    I need my pants back.

    Ha, you are feeling clever aren’t you?

  20. hawt.

    You want his digits?

  21. When did you move to Portland?

    I feel badly for you.

  22. Sport bra granny bee-yatch is always showing me up at the gym. Hate that chick.

    Slug her.

  23. He’s buying salad?

    I think that explains everything.

    How so? I need more information!

  24. Hahahahaha!

    My dad used to ride his bike a lot and he…well, he’s a large man and he wore this black outfit like that one with red stripes on it and he rode his bike ALL OVER TOWN and it’s no wonder I didn’t have a lot of friends when I was a kid.

    You can trace the blame to him, for sure.

  25. kmcsaks

    I have a rule about workout clothes and Target.

    And that rule is…

  26. Ew la-la.

    Trying to decide whether a thong whale-tail above the waistband would have been more distressing than the panty line that is shown.

    Panties are always worse.

  27. CapriceClassic

    Chris, I’m convinced you’re Jewish. Are you? And don’t give me that “No, I’m Irish” crap either.

    Uh, okay. Well I’m not, but I know you think I am because I have a huge nose. And I am Irish, and Italian, and a little bit of Dickhead as well.

  28. sridevi

    Men actually WEAR that kind of stuff?!!


  29. I wear my work out clothes to the grocery store just to make people think I really work out.

    That is a very good plan.

  30. Red

    See, New York is the place where you see everything and so nothing really makes you feel like you stand out. Which is not to say that the dude shouldn’t know better.


  31. HAHAHAHA I wonder. I wonder if he’s single

    I can hook it up if you want.

  32. See the tights aren’t the problem for me (I run long distances in the winter, tights are necessary), it’s the not changing the tights when you’re done thats the problem. And as annoy as that is it’s the shoes that really bother me. You at least need a private area to change your pants, shoes you can change anywhere. And he’s clearly carrying a bag big enough to hold a pair of flip flops, he could easily change those shoes. Instead you know he’s walking around all smug listening to the clips on his shoes tap with every step thinking about how much better he is than everyone else because he cares about fitness and the environment so much.

    That is a good point – he loved that everyone noticed him.

  33. Tim

    I was a swimmer in college, I’m a runner now, but I’d never do a triathalon because of how horrible cyclist’s clothes are.

    Good choice.

  34. He didn’t have time to change. It looks like he has his cycling shoes on (did you mention that already?) That’s why he’s standing like he has something up his butt because his shoes are not made for walking. He shoulda rode his bike up in that beotch.

    Beotch? You are so gangsta!

  35. CapriceClassic

    Well, it was actually because of your fro, lol. But ok. And, I just want you to know that I appreciate the Dickhead in you the most! : )

    Haha – yeah, I seem to be blessed/cursed with curly, frizzy hair. Thus the buzz cut now.

  36. This is just one step above people who wears their PJs to the grocery store. But at least those people aren’t all sweaty.

    Yeah, no one likes to smell ball sweat. Well, I bet some people do, but that’s nasty.

  37. I’d bite that ass.

    Alright! Sorry to get you so excited.

  38. Look, if I have to put on real pants with a button on them and shoes that are not slippers and lipgloss then so does everyone else. Men, too.

    I never go anywhere without my lip gloss.

  39. Thank you thank you thank you thank you for not taking a picture of the front view

    I think my eyes would fall out if I did.

  40. Jess

    but your the one taking photo’s slyly with your camera phone!

    You should be under the knife here!

    No way, bloggers get to do whatever we want however we want. We’re like the gods of the Internet. Well, us and that google thing.

  41. Oh my lord… tighty whitey lines are definitely worse than panty. I’m still trying to decide if they’re worse than camel toe…

    I think it depends on how big the camel is.

    Yes, the bigger the camel the grosser it is.

  42. haha oh man. or he could of at least thrown on some shorts over that. oy.

    Yeah, even some Umbros!

  43. Haven’t read your million comments, so this might have already been stated. But, those shoes? They’re cycling shoes. The ones that clip into pedals. The pedals of the bike he likely rode to the store. Go easy, my friend.

    I know what they are, I still think he could’ve changed.

  44. He probably convinced alot of people to buy healthy foods, so that’s a good thing, right??!! hahaha!

  45. Hey! Next time get my permission before posting pictures of me!

  46. callmekp

    Wait… Dad!?

  47. Kez

    So inappropriate. There could be children present!

  48. Ahh, cyclists. This is why I need a camera in my phone (no, my phone doesn’t have a rotary dial; it really is a cell phone.)

    I ride a bike on occasion, yet I’ve never felt comfortable showing off the outline of my nuts to the world. Never bought any tights.

  49. Yup, I think this guy must work out at my gym. I really wish he would NOT wear spandex like that while running on the treadmill…

  50. I can judge him on the pants because that was a huge error to wear out. But I can’t judge on the VPLs because I do it too.

  51. i thought you were going to post that pic of you without your shirt on to prove that you like to work out

  52. oh OH yes. AMAZING. His body is so in shape and sweet.

    And the fact that you took the time to sneak a picture of this?? Makes my respect for you just skyrocket.

    I really hope someone saw you do it and got REALLY creeped out.

  53. Haha, OK, so after I just posted that I continued imagining this scene if someone did see you take it and then you would have to be like “No, No! You don’t understand! I have this website and I am going to post this on the internet!” and then they would get even more creeped out and probably run away and tell a police officer about you.

    OK, I’m done now.

  54. Oh wow, Thank you for taking that picture!!!!!

  55. Oh Lord, what has the world come to. Wasn’t Obama supposed to fix this kind of thing? He really dropped the ball on that one.

  56. good god. that is shiteous!

  57. Jen

    Stealthily taking a picture with the phone. It’s a true art form these days. The shutter sound on mine busts me out every time.

  58. I at least hope he was actually at the gym earlier, and that this isn’t just his grocery shopping outfit…..

  59. mel

    short time reader first time commenter…

    Is it just me or does it look like he has a white bird poop stain on his leg?

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