sir chris

Recently Ari and I were having a discussion about the wedding, and she began asking me what types of dresses I thought looked best.

Of course I replied that they all look the same to me, which got me A Look from Ari, which promptly changed my answer to “Whatever you pick will be great because you’ll look beautiful no matter what you wear.”  I am what they call a Fast Learner.

As she browsed online looking at dresses, Ari then commented on a dress with a certain type of veil, and I looked up from my magazine and exclaimed, “Brides don’t wear veils!”

Ari corrected me.  She said that while she won’t be wearing one, a lot of brides do wear veils.  I told her that they sound a little medieval to me.

What can I say? I am quite the catch, ladies.

I really did not realize that brides still wore veils, so I told Ari that since we are all still clearly in the middle ages, I would require a sword to go along with my tuxedo, just to stay in the spirit of things.

My logic was that if we’re all acting like knights and slaying dragons that don’t eventually become our friends and give us rides places, I might as well go all the way and carry a sweet-looking sword too.

Ari laughed good and hard at my lack of veil knowledge and my suggestion of carrying a sword, but I still think it’s a pretty good idea.

Now if I had suggested carrying a shield too, that would be a little much.

Oh, but wait, I could put my family crest on that shield!

I’ll be back – I have to email Ari.


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52 responses to “sir chris

  1. whaaaaat? you’re getting married? news to me. i guess i need to read more of your blog.

    Yes of course!!! Sorry.

  2. If you’re going to wear a sword and carry a shield then you’re going to need a nice pair of tights and a codpiece to go with it.

    I think it would be a good look for you.

    Good Thinking Chris.

    I am always thinking of good things.

  3. A couple of my friends had a Viking wedding… The best man was pretty furry…

    You should have a medieval wedding! Then you can ride down the aisle on a horse and take out some older relative with your sheer awesomeness.

    Hey if you’d thought of it before you could have added a castle to the list when you went to go register.

    I bet castles are hard to come by this late in the season too.

  4. a medieval wedding would be fantastic.

    think about it – wine out of goblets, no silverware, and jousting!

    Yes! Jousting would be the best, especially after getting drunk.

  5. Veils are jank. I don’t get them. They just seem like a way to mess up your hair and NO ONE messes with my hair.

    They’re creepy too.

  6. you would look dashing in velvet.

    I think so too.

  7. I thought this post was going to be about you being knighted. Anyway you can work that out? I think it would make for really good reading.

    If Paul McCartney did it, so can I.

  8. Did Lemmonex just say jank?

    I don’t even know what that means.

    It sounds like the name of a country singer.

    I believe it is. Jank and Jenny.

  9. I’m sorry, but from now on when I picture your wedding, I’ll be picturing the latest commercial.

    Oh jesus I hate those guys.

  10. Veils are for arranged weddings. So when you pull up the veil you finally get to see the person your family forced you into marrying. Actually I have no clue the purpose of a veil.

    Then you scream because she’s probably ugly.

  11. Whoooot are you getting married? so exciting!

    Yup, in September.

  12. I’m thinking an entire medieval theme would be completely apropos. And I second what Crissy said.

    I’ll provide some pics.

  13. Maris

    I’m surprised that I have to be the first one to suggest the obvious…just get married AT Medieval Times…what more could you ask for? They’d probably even let you keep your shield as a souvenire.

    .Good idea!

  14. I think carrying a sword is a good idea all the time, not just at a wedding. No one messes with a guy carrying a sword, and perhaps a cape to complete the look.

    A big, poofy cape.

  15. Traditionally, brides wore veils because it was thought that her piercing stare could render the groom impotent. The more you know (insert rainbow and star).

    If Brad, Angelina and the rest of their multicultural Von Trapp family ever decide to make it legit, she should probably get some form of titanium veil.

    Or just sprout her devil horns.

  16. Matt

    Crissy’s right.

    Tights are a must.

    For you, I will.

  17. Red

    I’ll just warn you that swords are really damn heavy. A rapier isn’t so bad, though, and some of them have wicked cool hilts. But unless you’re in a dress Marine uniform (which looks kinda funny if you’re not a Marine), you probably can’t pull that off.

    The tights and codpiece might work, though. How would Ari feel about that?

    She might not be able to handle my sexiness.

  18. I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that you just go whole hog and wear pantaloons as well.

    Mostly because I wanted to work “pantaloons” into a sentence today, but also because I firmly believe in going the extra mile when it comes to ridiculous clothing.

    Done and done.

  19. As long as you serve the big fried turkey legs, I’m there.

    Did I invite you? I kid! Of course I’m inviting people I’ve never met before! My dad’s coming isn’t he?

  20. Do you know why the bride is traditionally on the left side of the groom? So he(assuming he’s right handed) can slaughter any of her possibly disagreeable relatives! You definitely need the sword. 😛

    Uh-oh. I’m left handed.

  21. And you are going to be riding away into the sunset on a beautiful white horse I assume?

    Either that or a dragon.

  22. lilu stole my comment!! every time i think of anything medieval related i think of big fried turkey legs.

    Dark meat is the best. That’s what she said!

  23. My friend’s husband wanted to dress like a Ninja, along with all of his groomsman. He also wanted a “ninja skit.” So you might be quite the catch after all!

    Also, Crissy’s a smartie! Tights and a codpiece would be hot! You’d so get some wedding night nookie…

    But I might look too hot, then all the women will be trying to sex me! Yeah, I just said “sex me.”

  24. Ah, to do my wedding over … I would scratch the veil and have tigers and shit!

    I wore a veil, but not over my face. I kept it pinned behind me.

    Good call.

  25. i had no idea brides didn’t wear veils.

    but i am the one hitting on gay men, so what do i know?

    I am confident you could turn one to your team – keep trying!

  26. Weddings are all about dress-up anyway. Esp. the dress – just a costume. Therefore a sword is perfectly appropriate.

    This is eerily reminiscent of those medieval knives pictured here on the day before the wedding registry hunt.

    It’s all coming together perfectly…

  27. you should totally carry metal…and so should your best man or men or “groomsmen” or whatever the hell you call them. And for the reception, does Morningstar make tofurkey legs? That would be awesome.

    That would be! But I don’t think they do.

  28. She’s totally going to veto this plan. They always nix the good stuff. Mine wouldn’t even let me ride a midget down the aisle.

    They hate fun.

  29. What if she wore the veil…and nothing else?

    Sorry. I just came from Crissy’s blog.

    That came out wrong.


    Own it Kiala. Own it.

  30. I suggest for the wedding menu you have huge ass turkey legs. and you can only eat with your hands.

    You think Ari will let you wear tights?

    I’m hoping so.

  31. I know I’ve said it once or twice already, but you need to also have a fashion blog or fashion section on this blog.

    But this is about swords!

  32. I didn’t wear a veil either. I’m not one for traditional crap. But if you’re going to go w/ a knight look maybe you should consider a whole themed wedding. Just look at this one:

    A Lord of the Rings themed wedding! How cool do they look!?!?! I mean they don’t look like super douchebags or anything at all. You could even have your ring bearer and flower girl dress up as little elves. So cute. 🙂

    No, they look totally and completely normal.

  33. So can we assume that Ari is still wearing her chastity belt? ‘Cause that’s not supposed to come off until the wedding night. Ha!

    I don’t think I can even comment on that.

  34. In that case, you should wear an armour as well 🙂 Then all the guests to your wedding will get drunk and sing “we are the champions” out loud and feeling “gay” (historial context needed).

    Sounds good to me.

  35. You didn’t know brides wore veils, I didn’t know Mary, Jesus’ mother, was Jewish. See, sometimes even the most brilliant people don’t know stuff. We’re still the smartest people around.

    She also never even had sex!

  36. so veils are medieval but the father giving her away is okay? (i’m just assuming here)
    all of the weddinn traditions are based on some antiquated notions… but i say if you cut one out, cut them all out.
    otherwise i expect Ari to not shower for weeks and wear her viel proudly

    We’re not doing any of that crap.

  37. I would much rather picture you in a cod piece than hearing about you having a Star Wars wedding. That would just be weird….

    I would look great in a Han Solo costume!

  38. mindy does mpls

    I hope she’s planning on keeping her chastity belt on until after the wedding too!


  39. Daisee579

    I wore a veil – one of those big ones too – over the face and everything. I wore a mantilla. Look it up. I did NOT want to wear my hair up, so this was an easy way to do it since you sort of set the veil on top of your head. And? my husband wore a kilt. No sword, but he did have a dagger in his sock. He’s part Scottish and I’m half-Italian, so it worked for us. Might not for random whiteys, but you just never know.

    For you I’m with Crissy, and vote for the tights and codpiece. Mostly because I wanted to say “codpiece.”

    I understand, it’s fun to say and write.

  40. This wedding is shaping up to be a shit show, and I cannot wait for photos. You better be carrying a damn sword!

    You do realize that none of this is actually going to happen right? I mean, this is my personal dream space.

  41. bwp

    This is the best idea ever! Wear tights. Also, play a flute. I feel like playing a flute is key.’

    With a bird on my shoulder!

  42. To hell with the tux. I say you should go for broke and go ahead with the suit of armor.

    With nothing underneath.

  43. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when I saw your reply to amindinmotown! What a let down.

  44. i totally vote on the tights and shield. best groom outfit ever.

  45. You should totally do a medieval wedding. I will raise a massive turkey leg to you and Ari.

  46. can i crash your wedding and wear my costume from 6th grade medieval days?

    i was a nun.

  47. I say leave the sword alone.If you get too drunk it’s either gonna cut a hole in your ass or her’s…

  48. if you go all medieval you should 1) drink out of one of those pimp cups with jewels all encrusted around the outside and 2) wear a big ass ring and make people kiss it.

  49. yeah, get a sword! then, at the end, when the priest say’s ‘you may now kiss the bride,’ you can lift the veil with the sword and do the kiss. it’d make a great photo.

  50. Plus, it’ll give you a convenient way to strike down that drunk uncle who’s just embarrassing everyone.

  51. Please. No one wears a shield – but only because they call it a “buckler.”

    Some people.

  52. A sword? Shield? These are necessary ingredients for a wedding!

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