Ever hear of the magazine The Economist?
It’s a weekly news and international affairs magazine and it is probably the most boring thing to read of all time. Aside from the Bible. But at least the Bible’s full of fairy tales and burning bushes and fun stuff like that.
The Economist is Time on crack. It’s Newsweek on PCP and it’s Maxim, well, it doesn’t have anything in common with Maxim because I firmly believe that Maxim is actually one big joke; that none of the editors actually meant for anyone to read it.
What The Economist is most of all though, is a magazine that people read to show other people how smart they are. It’s like a portable show and tell for adults. They want everyone to see the cool thing that they have be jealous. But don’t be.
Because whenever you see a person reading this magazine, trust me, they are not enjoying themselves. They just want people to think that they Know Things about places, places that they actually cannot even pronounce.
I know because I tried. About a year ago I thought to myself, “I would really like to keep up on Issues.” So I tried reading it for about a month straight.
It was horrible.
I felt like punching my own eyes. My own eyes!
Every single time I started reading an article in The Economist I would get bored within the first three paragraphs. I felt, like my friend J.P. says about watching Jeopardy, that I was doing homework. And the only thing good about being an adult is not having to do homework, so I stopped trying to act like it was a good magazine.
Now it’s just me and my Ranger Rick. Just try and get bored with all those articles about baby alligators – I dare you!