this post is kind of about the weather so I apologize in advance

Today is the first day of Spring, so I should be happy, but right now, as I look out onto 32nd street, it is snowing.  But it’s not the snow that’s bothering me really, it’s the fact that I didn’t know about the snow before it happened.

That’s because the weather said nothing about snow when I went to bed last night.  Nothing.  But that’s what makes being a meteorologist the best job in the world: you can do whatever the fuck you want.

When I was growing up, I wish I would have had the damn sense to want to become a meteorologist.  No.  Instead I wanted to do something that involved being around pretty girls and Being Awesome, which of course is why I ended up at a job with no pretty girls and lots of time spent Being Lame.

If a Weather Man tells the people in TV Land that it is going to snow tomorrow, and it doesn’t, all he has to do is shrug his shoulders and say, “That Mother Nature sure is crazy!”

Weather, in essence, is completely unpredictable, so all a meteorologist has to do is say some Words, then call it a night. It’s one of the few jobs out there where you can basically say a bunch of complete bullshit, and people will listen to it and think, “This guy knows what he’s talking about.”

Okay, other than what Bill O’Reilly does.

I don’t know why meteorologists even bother with the act.  They should just roll into the studio, wasted and still clutching a bottle of OE, then scream at everyone “IT SNOW MIGHT RAIN OR SOME SUN 40% PARTLY CLOUDY WINDS!”

That pretty much covers it all.

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44 Comments

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44 responses to “this post is kind of about the weather so I apologize in advance

  1. You want to see the most rediculous weather man ever? Here in Minneapolis we have this fella by the name of Sven. ONLY in Minnesota could this dude get a job with that name! He’s about four feet tall and looks like he buys his suits in the boys department… On his way home from tanning. This little fella drives me up the wall!

    http://www.kare11.com/company/bios/talent_article.aspx?storyid=126844&catid=198

  2. Ben

    What sort of a cover letter do you write when applying for meteorology jobs?

    I am very good at making things up but delivering them with confidence. I never apologize for my errors or admit fault. I also believe that magic is responsible for everything.

    ?

    Sounds about right.

  3. leighbee

    I totally agree. They are doing it right in life. Unless there is a spontaneous typhoon coming from the Jersey shore, they have a better than 50% shot at getting the weather somewhat correct for the next day. I didn’t expect this snow when I woke up either and I have to say, this stinks.

  4. Yeah, weather is just bullshit. I always remember Billy Conolly’s bit on weather people; ‘all they want to see are your tits and your lip gloss; if they wanted to know what the weather was like, they’d look out the fucking window!’

    Sums it all up for me.

  5. Matt

    I love how weather.com is always more accurate than our local news.

    and 9news just bought this fancy “double doppler” just to be wrong about the weather 65% of the time.

  6. wow…this is naive..but what the hell…I can’t wait to see snow 🙂 so I hope it snows like sht once I’m there.

  7. Wait, it’s SNOWING?! First day of spring my ass.

  8. jay grochalski

    speaking of, have you seen the hot blonde chick that works mornings on CW11?

  9. Bill Oh Really?! Even if I agreed with the guy, he’s so pompous it makes my skin crawl. Grrr.

    As for the “weather people”, I refer to our local guy as Peter Panic.

  10. Spring? Ha! It’s like 90 in my hood.

  11. We’re in the monsoon season here. Portland weather people have it easy = rain.

  12. I want to think the weatherpeople have gotten better at “predicting” over the last few years, but it may just be that I am too mesmerized by staring at every pore on their face during their HD reporting.

  13. Yeah, this first day of spring sucks. It’s only going up to 65 degrees in my area today. Damn! 😉

    OE?! LMAO! Do they still sell 40s?

  14. I love Ollie the weather guy on Family Guy. He’s my favorite.

    “Ollie, what’s the weather like?”
    “It’s gonna rain!”

  15. Do you work with any girls that read your blog? If you do, you are now on their blacklists because you just told them that they are ugly and hideous.

  16. My hometown’s weatherman doubled as our track announcer. They even introduced him as “Kevin ‘Boomer’ Gallant” on the news, since “Boomer” was his name at the racetrack. And yes, he was often intoxicated.

    Did I mention that the mayor of my hometown was also my high school guidance counsellor? I really wish I were making that up.

  17. To clarify: he was the guidance counsellor at my high school WHILE he was the mayor of the city.

    Let’s see Bloomberg multitask like that.

  18. It was supposed to snow here today and it didn’t. Fucking meteorologist.
    That’s a hard word to spell.
    Anyway, I’m glad she was wrong. Snow sucks.
    Have a great weekend!

  19. That’s how I feel about astronauts… They can just make everything up

  20. I am SO glad I don’t live up that way.

  21. If only meteorologists were all a bit more like Ron Burgundy…..the world would be a better place.

  22. monkeys throwing darts
    (please tell me you know this)

  23. It’s the only job where you’re paid very well and you can always be wrong! Wish I had the sense to become a meterologist too…

  24. Another reason why I love Miami…

    It’s either Humid and Rainy or HUMID and HOT

    =)

  25. I thought one of your blogging rules was not to make apologies?

    Oh…

    I’ll shut up now.

  26. I love when they say there’s “perhaps a chance.”

    WTF is that supposed to mean?

  27. But….they have to point at those big screens with maps that aren’t really maps. I could not find Kansas on a map if you put a gun to my head.

  28. Meteorologists are a wild bunch. They sound like they should be some sort of fucked up doctor, but they talk about the weather all the time.

  29. So true. Meanwhile the rest of us have to hear it whenever we make a mistake.

    And can spring just get here already? I’m tired of all this (unpredictable) snow.

  30. “It’s 68 degrees out and a 30% chance it’s already raining.”

    i would be that weather girl, haha.

  31. tia

    the weather-people in san diego are worse. there’s no weather to report and they still can’t get it right.

  32. AHAHAHAA those last line made my afternoon instantly 😀

  33. peaceofpi

    Ever saw Weatherman with Nicolas Cage? Well his life in the movie sucked… and I like to believe that all weathermen have such sucky lives. It makes me feel better about their nightly deception.

  34. J

    My dad says the same thing. A meteorologist is the only job where you can be wrong more than you’re right and still have a job.

  35. Do you need a University degree to become a meteorologist?

  36. Maybe you should have called Spring after that one night stand a couple weeks ago.

  37. You’ve inspired me to aim for something higher in life; to become a metereologist. I can basically bullshit my way through work just like I am with my course.

    Bloody awesome.

  38. I’ve often had the same thoughts. But I don’t think I’d like being in a profession where everyone generally assumed I was full of shit. Hence not becoming a lawyer.

  39. This is probably the best post I’ve read today.I hate the shit out of ‘weather people’ (they don’t deserve a fancy name).Easy money for basically standing there and looking pretty.It’s like the people that make up daily horoscopes for newspapers.I hate those douches too.

  40. I took a meteorology class in college and that shit is still unexplainable regardless of the A I received in the course.

    It’s bullshit. “Oh look at those squiggly lines. It might be a low pressure front, and that might mean rain. Let’s tell the kiddies it’ll rain and when it doesn’t, they’ll be too happy to be pissed at us.”

    Bastards.

  41. The information architecture of weather reports is all wrong. They predict the single, most likely version of all the possibilities. It shouldn’t be like a “select one” type of test, it should be “check all that might apply.” I am a data nerd.

  42. Ha. Just saw your Bill O’Reilly tag. I love him.

  43. All experiences are greatly improved with bottles of OE.

  44. oh wow. That is funny. Snow sucks.

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