viva la revolution or something!

A couple of months ago, Ari and I, being the proud parents that we are, submitted a picture of our dog Jack for a calendar of local dogs.

Of course Jack was selected because he’s fucking cute and if you don’t know him, you wouldn’t realize that he’s completely insane. We were very excited about him getting picked, until we saw the picture.

Here is the month, which is dominated by a huge picture of some idiot named Otis, while Jack’s picture is tiny in comparison.



First of all, Jack is not Otis’ friend.  I’m sure Otis wishes he was Jack’s friend, but Jack is very popular among the dogs of Clinton Hill, Brooklyn who don’t mind being humped.  He must be selective.

And seriously, how is Jack’s picture not the center piece here?

Crazy since 2008.

Sears Glamour Shot.

Right?  Much better than Otis’ picture.

So Ari and I were all “What the hell?” and “Guess we’re gonna have to cut some bitches” about the situation.  Then as we scanned through the calender we noticed something: the dogs that were featured with big photos belonged to a neighborhood dog association!

Talk about dirty politics.

Since Jack isn’t a member, he got shunned!  Is this not America??? Do we not have equal opportunity for all dogs???

Sure Jack has lunged at more little kids than Micheal Jackson at a playground, but does he not deserve his chance in the spotlight like the rest of these Elitist Pups?

Well Ari, Jack and I have decided we won’t stand for this injustice.  I know right now you’re saying, “Uh dude, I’m not buying it, mainly because it’s March and you’re just now bitching about this.  Honestly, it sounds like you’ve been drinking.” And maybe you’d be right – but that doesn’t change the fact that we are going to stand up for what we perceive as a wrong!

Right after I finish this beer.


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42 responses to “viva la revolution or something!

  1. Otis is an ugly motherfucker.

    There I said it.

    Also, Jack’s picture should be blown up to A1 proportions, just so people can appreciate the crazy-in-the-brains look he has on his poochy face.

    I totally agree.

  2. OK, is there really such a thing as a neighborhood dog association? It sounds like sarcasm and something that totally doesn’t exist, but I also think dog owners are totally insane and it seems almost possible.

    It really does exist. And if you think dog owners are totally insane, I can only imagine what you think of cat owners.

  3. Matt

    I got your back. I’ll bring the ski masks…

    We’re listening to some Wu on the way to the hit.

  4. jen

    OMG! I love Jack! I want him!! Would you considering fostering him out? Hehe. I think he was robbed!!! Maybe you should start a petition! x

    It’s time to take the battle to the people!

  5. Keep on fighting the good fight, brotha. Much respect.

    (God, I love talking like that. Even though it makes me sound like a twat.)

    It works for you, really it does.

  6. i think you should boycott by having jack poop in all of the neighborhood dog association members yards.

    Hahaha – now that’s a good idea.

  7. Daisee579

    Clearly Jack is way cuter and crazier than Otis. And how do the calendar people know that Otis and Jack would even get along? Clearly Jack has the crazy eye, so maybe he’d cut Otis, not be his friend. I’ll sign the petition.

    As a side note, I have a couple of dogs – one of which is a spayed female who humps her doggie bed on a fairly regular basis. It’s quite amusing. Perhaps she can be Jack’s honorary girlfriend since she, too, appreciates a good humping.

    Let’s set up a date.

  8. Alice will totally throw down for Jack.

    Just say the word and Otis is toast.

    Alice would make it painful too.

  9. jay grochalski

    it’s march? shit. fucking beer. cute dog. you should teach him french, or mexican, or one of those languages that don’t make any sense.

    Already begun.

  10. That’s some bullshit right there. I hope y’all didn’t pay for that damn calendar.


  11. f.B

    Neighborhood dog associations are like the Illuminati. There. Said it.

    Scary shit man.

  12. Dog associations are to Skull and Bones as Otis is to Dubya.

    I rocked the SAT.

    It sounds good to me.

  13. I’ll join your gang to kick ass on Jack’s behalf. Hell yeah!

    Jack looks happy as shit in that pic! Looks like you shared your beer with him. 😉

    I should, it might calm him down some.

  14. Ha! That photo of Jack absolutely captures the glint of insanity in his eye. So cute. Otis looks like the curmudgeonly old man to whom he most likely belongs. I bet the dog owners of the assoc. dogs are all old and mean.

    I’d be willing to put money on it.

  15. that’s crap. maybe you should make your own calendar. All jack–all 12 months.

    Or me!

  16. That is definitely the cutest picture of Jack ever. You can’t even see his wonky ear.

    But I like his wonky ears.

  17. Ben

    I heard Otis takes steroids.

    Haha – it fucking figures.

  18. bwp

    Otis looks like a pompous asshole.

    He totally is. You should hear the stuff he says about you.

  19. Yeah, but how many butts did Otis have to sniff to make his way to the top? Be glad Jack still has his innocence with his insanity.

    I think his humping has lessened his innocence a little bit.

  20. You’re shielding Jack from this injustice, right? I mean you don’t want to be paying for therapy into old age or anything.

    Oh he’s fucked in the head for life now.

  21. Alexa’s idea is GENIUS. Especially if you then set fire to all of them.


    That would be effective.

  22. Perhaps need to hump more to get somewhere?

    That’s bad news for the dogs of the hood.

  23. glad to see you’ve got your priorities in order.

    and who really names their dog “otis”?!? i mean, really? sounds like the by-product of an incestuous mother son relationship.

    The owner must be a loser!

  24. This is BULLSHIT. Who do I call? Get somebody in charge on the phone for me RIGHT NOW.

    I WILL.

  25. wow that dog is ugly. ANd what kind of name is OTIS?

    I don’t know, I think it’s pretty normal for a dog, honestly.

  26. Psh, Otis is just a sad excuse for a dog when compared to Jack. You guys should TOTALLY protest this.

    Power to the people!

  27. Otis looks just like his name. ewwww
    Jack is a hottie. Just like his parents. I’m just assuming Ari is gorgeous.

    She is.

  28. I just love that you actually submitted Jack’s picture for a dog calendar… like, ACTUALLY did that. And yea, it is bullshit that Jack is not the cover model. Fucking bullshit.

    I know, it’s kind of sad but okay too.

  29. Who names their dog Otis anyway?!?

    I don’t understand why people are so opposed to the name Otis.

  30. i don’t want to get all michael vick on yer ass, but clearly there should be a dog fight to see who will come out on top.

    this would be jack obviously.


  31. That’s awful! Jack is much cuter and has a nice goofy smile.:)

    Thank you.

  32. Should have totally been the big pictures; he’s smiling with his eyes for goodness sakes.

    Tyra trained him at the shelter, that’s what we were told anyway.

  33. I want to know if Jack is drinking too. It would definitely cement his position as King of Dogs.

    He prefers whiskey.

  34. Well, might I just say that “Otis” is an ADORABLE name for a dog. Although a Boston Terrier Otis would be much cuter than THAT Otis.

    PS. Jack got screwed!

    Haha – I was wondering what you would have to say about all these people hating on that name.

  35. Oh my goodness…Jack is adorable! But he lunges for kids?

    That’s not so good.

  36. Jack is by far the best name for a pet. Yes, I am totally biased.

  37. Wrong, wrong, wrong. They must not have understood that Jack’s ears stay like that even when he’s upright.
    Unrelated, maybe you could sneak in some of your wedding ideas in a YouTube save the date video? This is just an example. Obviously yours would kick ass.

  38. Let’s make a blogger’s dogs calendar. The combined cuteness of all our dogs will destroy those other calendars!

  39. You was robbed.

    I’ll join you in your cause, but can we take out some homeless people along the way because I’m totally against them.

  40. how RUDE!

    he’s so cuuuute!

  41. It’s not JUST that Otis is incredibly ugly, it’s that pose. I mean HELLO NECK SKIN.

    Team Jack!

  42. That looks like the coolest dog ever. Oh, I was talking about Otis.

    Um, this is awkward.

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