thirty is the new thirty

Somehow, early this past November, I turned 30 years old.

I know! To some of you, this is a shock. You’ve seen the picture on the “yes, me” page and you’re thinking, “How??? How is this possible?? Your silky smooth skin! Your long, flowing locks! I am a fool!”

But fret not, my boyish good looks have deceived many people.  You were not the first, and sadly, you will not be the last.

For some reason, people think that turning 30 means that it is time to Mature and Stop Being Irresponsible, but I have made a decision that this will not be the case with me.

No, I’ve decided that I will wait until my forties to become an Adult, therefore I am now staring right into the face of ten more years of acting exactly like I do now.

Yes, that’s right – I am granting myself another ten years of yelling at people that I’ve just met about trivial things and all the other behaviors that make up The Adventure Of Knowing Chris.

I figure, why stop quoting Seinfeld at every possible chance now that I’m 30?  I’d be robbing everyone I know of something that brings pure joy to their lives (no one has ever actually said this to me, but I can tell, I’m a Joy Bringer).

And when that day comes that I finally turn 40, look out!

You want to see Responsibility?  You want to see Acting Appropriately?  I am going to be on fire! People will probably start painting pictures of me, because that’s what happens when you’re an Adult.  People paint your picture.

Until then, though, what you see/read now is what you get for the next ten years. So come on over, grab a beer and let’s act stupid, because that’s what being a thirty-something is all about.

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48 Comments

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48 responses to “thirty is the new thirty

  1. AGREED! I’ve decided that I’m going to avoid being Mature and Responsible for as long as possible. It’s way more fun to prioritize “let’s go out drinking” over “let’s change the baby’s diapers.”

    Yes, and less messy. Most of the time.

  2. I dread 30. That is when the Botox starts.

    Don’t fight it, it will win.

  3. I’m glad that thirty is the new thirty. I all of a sudden feel better about myself.

    I’m here to help.

  4. Like most of your decisions, I support this.

    Weirdly enough, this post gave me a glimpse of you at 80. You pretty much just have to act “normal” for twenty-odd years and then you can regress.

    I think I’m going to make an excellent grumpy old man.

  5. I’m pretty sure that when you turn 40 you’ll try to justify another 10 more years of acting silly.

    Who knows what the future will bring?

  6. Yeah.

    Good luck with that.

    Once you have that ring on your finger it’s time to wear big boy pants.

    Sorry.

    Never!!!

  7. The chances of me even being alive at 30 are too slim to make it worth deciding how I’ll act.

    You have to stop wrestling with crocs.

  8. I turn 30 in May and so I have to ask, do you start having any saggy bits? And are you still carded?

    No saggy bits, aside from the bit that is supposed to sag unless otherwise stimulated. That was probably not what you wanted to hear. And yes, I still get carded.

  9. i 100% support this decision.

    Thank you, I figured I could count on you.

  10. Matt

    Im banking on the hope that grey hair makes men sophisticated…

    because if it doesn’t I’m pretty much fucked.

    Hey, I’m going to be bald, embrace it my friend!

  11. I don’t even want to think about turning thirty. 28 it is freakin’ me out enough and it ain’t ’till December.

    It’s not that bad, trust me.

  12. jay grochalski

    you might wanna reconsider that. i’m soon-to-be 35, so 40 isn’t so far away, and i still have no desire to grow up. there’s just something fun about spending all day drinking wine in my underwear while people go to church or mow their lawn.

    Yeah, I bet once I’m there I’ll be doing the same stuff still.

  13. allthewine

    i’ll be 30 next year. I’ll use you as my model of what to do in that most special year. Or maybe what not to do.

    Either way, I’m going to be a model!

  14. i am stealing this from you in 3.8 years.

    Do it.

  15. I will never be mature. Never!! Turning 30 did not make me want to be mature and sit at home a drink tea. Nope it made me want to continue a life of making bad decisions and tomfoolery.

    Especially the tomfoolery part.

  16. This will be a relief to my brother–he turns 30 next year and I think he was getting nervous that he was going to have to stop quoting Seinfeld.

    Tell him I support him and his quotes!

  17. Ben

    Are thirty-year-old males ‘cougars’? If so, I can’t wait to be thirty.

    Yes, if you hit on 17 year olds. Hey, I’m not judging here.

  18. I can say with confidence that, at 37, I am much, much, MUCH more immature than many of the 20-somethings out there. If you’d like, I could serve as your mentor as you navigate your way through the minefield of uncomfortable social situations that will be the bulk of your thirties.

    Now, you own a gorilla costume, a gallon of vodka, and a giant, foam cowboy hat, right? Great- that’s a start, at least.

    I can’t wait, you are going to teach me great things.

  19. bex

    Exactly. Who wants to spend more than half their life being responsible? I think it’s only fair to split it 50/50.

    Yes, see? This was all based on math.

  20. I just saw on the Today Show that 40 is the new 20.

    I think this makes me 15 which is like, HOT.

    If Today says it, then the world must obey.

  21. Red

    I’m 31, but twice earlier this year I was taken for 23. Not by 23 year olds, of course. But still. Stay out of the sun, Chris.

    I hate that sun!

  22. 30 doesn’t sound too shabby then … though I’m more than content to wait another 6+ years for it.

    Time is on your side, young one.

  23. Quoting Seinfeld is not immature, it is generational. Embrace it lovingly and never let it go.

    Good, then here:

    “Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but … I was perceptive. I always know when someone’s uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I’ve ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat … It’s all been wrong.”

  24. I am right there with you my friend!

    Strength through unity!

  25. Thirty is the new SUV.

    I know, I’m sorry, I’m having a bad blogging day.

    It’s fine, everyone has an off day.

  26. drinking is involved at every age, right? that’s all i care about.

    Yes of course, this is me, remember?

  27. Thirty is the new Go Green.

    “That phrase is played….playyyyed”
    ~Kramer

    Hahaha – Hellloooooo!

  28. Maybe i wont be scared turning thirty one day after all. You’re so inspiring.

    I know it! I should be a poet or something.

  29. Trust me, you won’t be ready or willing when you turn 40 either.

    I think I’ll be okay with that.

  30. At 30 I’m going to start putting skim milk in my cereal to celebrae my newfound Maturity.

    You know, instead of Baileys.

    That’s going to be a disappointment.

  31. CapriceClassic

    As if! You know damn well you’re not gonna mature at age 40! 40 is midlife crisis time – you’re supposed to go out, be young again, buy a corvette and ride around town with the top down luring 20 somethings into your den of debauchery. I say wait until 50!

    How about 78?

  32. i like you philosophy. i’m going to participate when i turn 30 in exactly 15 months. i’ll thank you now in advance for the next ten plus years of fun.

    You’re welcome.

  33. Hmmm… we’ll see if you can maintain it after those vows are said… allegedly “EVERYTHING CHANGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Or so I’ve heard.

    “Fight and you may die. Run and you will live, at least awhile. And dying in your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for
    one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom!”

    I don’t know why, but I felt that was appropriate.

  34. tia

    i figure you don’t even have to stop when you’re 40 because by then you’ll probably have kids so you can just eff around with them all the time and you have a perfect scapegoat.

    Yes, that is a good plan.

  35. Don’t even mention 40 to me. I hope I’m dead by then.

    I’ll see you in hell.

  36. Oh, please. You’re old and hanging on to your youth by a string. It’s time to face reality, my friend.

    I am 30 going on 17!

  37. Oh i didnt know I could prolong adult till 40, perhaps that way i wouldnt dread by 30s that much.

    See? I am an Educator.

  38. bwp

    When I turn 30 I’m going to Disney World.

  39. I propose a toast….to youth!

  40. seriously, if you’ve ever perused my blog, you’d know that I’m 43 and proud of it and I’m still Peter Pan. Because now you can act that way and just say, ‘well, I’m too old to change now.’

  41. i think that’s an excellent plan. i don’t plan on maturing until i’m at least 40, we’ll see when i get there.

  42. I don’t plan on acting like an adult until I have children or get married. And since I don’t see that happening, I should be good to go!

  43. Joy Bringer. Nice. I think my robot dance moves make me a Joy Bringer.

    Of this, I’m pretty sure.

  44. I forwarded this to my parents.

    They were not amused.

  45. Ten years from now, when you’re not ready to stop drunkenly insulting strangers, I’ll be all “Ha, remember THIS POST?”

  46. hilarious. Enjoy your 30’s.

  47. charmcitykim

    I am SO depressed about turning 30 next year… but I like your approach.

    30’s = childish
    40’s = adulthood

    I can handle that.

  48. Vic

    As a Thirty Something I totally agree with what you’re saying! I have 7 years less (but who’s counting…) & I’ve being living it up with irresponsible stuff. & it’s great!!!

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