communication is key

There are a lot of theories as to why the dinosaurs became extinct before I could ride one to work and finally have the rich guys in BMW’s envious of me, but yesterday afternoon while I was talking with another blogger, I had an epiphany about this subject.

Sure there might have been a meteor or whatever, but the real reason dinosaurs went extinct is because the guy dinosaurs kept trying to figure out what the lady dinosaurs were thinking, and eventually their tiny brains exploded.

This is really the best theory out of all of them, because if you ask any man now what women think he will 1) scrunch his face and look Thoughtful then 2) give some sort of vague answer and finally 3) punch himself in the face out of the frustration that comes with knowing that he does not know a damn thing.

And this is a man who is supposed to be evolved!

Imagine how hard this was for the guy dino, with his tiny little brain.

Dude T-Rex: [Notices his woman friend is in a bad mood] “You alright?  You’ve barely touched your caveman stew.  Too much pepper?”

Foxy Stegosaurus: [Looks up from her soup, with eyebrows raised] “Everything is fine.”

Dude T-Rex: “Oh, okay great – man you should have seen the look on Steve’s face when I threw that rock at his tail, he was–”

Foxy Stegosaurus: [Getting up abruptly from the dinner table] “You don’t even know who I am anymore!”

[Dude T-Rex watches Foxy Stegosuarus storms out of the cave, and as he tries to figure out what the hell just happened, his brain explodes and he dies]

This is probably what happened to the guy dinosaurs, and with no guys around to procreate with the ladies, the species eventually died off.

With this knowledge in hand, maybe next time a guy says, “So, what do you want to do tonight?” you women should actually tell us, instead of saying “Oh I don’t know” and then when we suggest something, you say “That’s a dumb idea.”

Either that or we all die.

Think about it.

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48 Comments

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48 responses to “communication is key

  1. Matt

    Little peanut sized brains cant handle that kind of pressure.

    with the girl dinosaur asking if shes fat every five minutes and all….

    Exactly.

  2. We do that to keep you on your toes. Keep you thinking and being creative. Haha. No we don’t. We just like being undecided to put all the pressure on you men. See how well you act under pressure. Isn’t that like a requirement to be a man or something? I thought we were being helpful. 🙂

    You are being hurtful.

  3. Y’know, I wish I could explain why women get into bad moods, but I can’t, either… and I’ve been guilty of doing it!!

    Usually, my funk stems from jealousy (usually of something that I’ve imagined) and/or low self-esteem. Which then begets imagined wrong-doings, which begets jealousy.

    It’s like the Mars/Venus version of the Book of Ruth.

    And the scariest version too.

  4. Who would have known our conversations could spur you to solve the mystery of the ages. Glad I could be part of it.

    You’re famous!

  5. Damn, Chris. You should do the college circuit and kick some professor ass with your theory!

    My Hubster has it G-O-O-D! I’m a freakazoidian, low maintenance woman. How freaky? I don’t even like to shop! And, I don’t get ‘The PMS.’ I happily sit around while he plays Metal Gear for hours on end.

    Now that I think about it, he should bow at my feet for my unique qualities! Bow!!

    I wonder what he thinks of the bowing part.

  6. Silly pea brained men! ha ha ha.

    At least she got some peace and quiet before she killed off her species.

    I can understand that, but girls talk more than guys.

  7. Fact.

    T-rex’s arms are too little to punch himself in the face. Think about it.

    Fact.

    A T-rex would likely eat a Stegasaurous.

    Fact.

    I have an irrational fear of dinosaurs and now must take a Zanax upon reading this post.

    #1 – I said the man, not T-Rex. Also, they can do anything they put their minds too.
    #2 – Not if she was hot.
    #3 – I am in full support of drugs and alcohol abuse.

  8. jay grochalski

    the rich guys would probably just ride bigger, more expensive dinosaurs.

    Damn you.

  9. ‘Fine’ is never fine at all…

    You’re so right.

  10. this just has me thinking about that show Dinosaurs.

    Haha – then I’ve made your day a little better.

  11. Deb

    As always, a cogent and thoughtful essay that explores one of the Grand Mysteries of the Universe. I’ve never read of this theory anywhere else but it does make sense. Thanks, Chris!

    I am a Great Thinker!

  12. there’s a reason y’all aren’t supposed to know what the crap is going on in our heads.

    what that reason is, I’m not totally sure.

    but that’s besides the point.

    See – you just confused me with this comment. Well done.

  13. That’s a dumb idea.

    I know.

  14. You make a valid point. Granted, it’s still confusing to us women why after EONS you men still haven’t figured out that “FINE” never, ever, ever, actually means “FINE.”

    Women hurt my head.

  15. T-Rex and Stegosaurus? Let’s hear it for dino jungle fever.

    It’s the hottest new porn trend.

  16. I thought it was because dinos were hos and all got STDs and died. My bad.

    Well, there was that too.

  17. Dinosaurs lived in caves?

    The smarter ones.

  18. I will do my best not to kill you off. Unless, of course, you do something really stupid.

    Seriously though, I agree. “Use your words” seems to have been lost on many…

    It has.

  19. Here’s what women are thinking:

    1. I need a new pair of leggings.

    2. He doesn’t go down anymore so this fool can kiss blowjobs goodbye.

    3. I’d give him a blowjob if he’d just wash the dishes without being asked.

    I wrote this down.

  20. Notice that, despite the ability to dominate cavemen and make cavemen stew, the caveman survived and the dinosaur didn’t. It’s because the dinosaur tried to understand the woman while the cavemen just beat her over the head with a club and dragged her into the cave. We can all learn from that.

    Yes!

  21. You ought to narrate more imaginary conversations in your blog. They are hilarious!
    Loved that bit on the boy dino talking about throwing rock at Steve’s tail 🙂

    Thanks!

  22. If women understood that man only needs 3 things to survive, we would not have any issues. Men have evolved into a more stream lined creature. Obviously women have ions to catch up with…

    p.s. I am so going to pay for this.

    You and I both.

  23. Ben

    Yeah…women totally destroyed that species. What good have they ever done? Men don’t need women for anything…

    Sing it Ben!

  24. haha ‘member when you threw the rock at steve’s tail today and he was like “duuude”
    and then his car had pterydactyl shit all over it
    *sigh* steve had a real case of the mondays – it was hilarious

    Steve is a lovable loser.

  25. so are you saying we are going to be extinct next? fuck, i better start having some more fun then.

    Go have sex with random men!

  26. sillygrrl

    i think it would be much easier if dudes just learned to read our minds.

    Right now you’re thinking about your socks – your right one – no left! Am I right?

  27. Sometimes when I say I dont know, I really mean it. Really. Guys should think of fabulous ideas too :p

    We try, believe me.

  28. “2. He doesn’t go down anymore so this fool can kiss blowjobs goodbye.”

    I’m SO with this. I do that too.

    Not knowing what we’re thinking keeps things fun and everyone guessing. I get what you’re saying though. Why can’t we all be more direct? And blunt.

    When bar guy asks if he’s a good kisser and I say yes, what I really mean is: No, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings.

    Bar guy is sad. He always reads my blog.

  29. Woman’s world:
    Yes means yes.
    Maybe means no.
    No means no.
    Fine means buy her something shiny fast.
    Got it?

    I’m taking notes on it.

  30. Haha, too funny! I like your theory.

    Had the male dinos read this book (http://www.amazon.com/What-Woman-Want-Know-You/dp/0786866950#), they’d still be around. Maybe. Or maybe there was no hope for them afterall.

    I think they’d still be here, and we’d all be that much better for it.

  31. In one of those weird moments where I remembered something not really useful except in this situation, and confirmed by Wikipedia, Stegosauruses were herbivores (i.e. vegetarian). T-Rex were meat lovers. So they couldn’t agree on dinner plans.

    Haha – another point of contention!

  32. Dinosaurs have eyebrows?!?!?! Now that’s just crazy talk!

    It’s true! Look it up! When you’re drunk!

  33. Cin

    “Either that or we will all die”

    this idea can sometimes sound quite appealing.

    I know what you mean.

  34. (Sorry, girls, for giving away our secrets!)

    The truth is that guys can’t figure out what women want because we don’t know either.

    I knew it! Well, kind of.

  35. Jess

    hold on a minute

    why is the t-rex dating a stegasarus…thats like a cat dating a gorilla.

    Love is blind.

  36. I enjoy taking years off my hubby’s life, simply by muttering the word “…fine….”

  37. you’ve enlightened me to the following:

    – dinos lived in caves
    – dinos had eyebrows
    – t-rex got along with another dino

    my former science teachers’ have got NOTHIN’ on you!

  38. It is possible we really don’t know what we want to do and then your ideas really are stupid…

  39. See, this is why we just sit on the couch every night playing Wii and rotting our brains with TV. Easy fix.

  40. bwp

    “Our kind” is confusing, I agree.

    This post was awesome.

    I can’t think of anything witty to say right now so yeah. This post rules.

    Okay bye.

  41. Kez

    I think you might just be onto something…or do I think that at all??

  42. I have a simple solution that works on my wife all the time. Mostly she thinks of things to do but sometimes she does ask, ‘what do you want to do?’ and then says, ‘nah, I don’t want to do that.’ So, the solution is: prepare something beforehand. It can be anything really. Just come home and say, ‘honey, we’re doing …. tonight.’ It’s all organised so, she can’t say anything but ‘ok.’ Then you’re good for at least three months. Try it.

  43. lol! so that’s how men are going to die too!

  44. I wish Dr. Phil was as funny as you are. =)

  45. Personally, I’m glad the dinosaurs are gone. Imagine what driving to work would be like if we had to avoid T-Rex and his buddies on the highway?

    Yay for women!

  46. You say “Foxy Stegosaurus” like they aren’t all sexy.

  47. OK, so I really couldn’t concentrate after the whole riding a dinosaur to work thing. You throw out these ideas all willy-nilly, and my imagination just runs with them, you know?

    And THAT? Is a GREAT idea.

  48. Making decisions is HARD, Chris. We’re entitled to be difficult. Whenever we want. So there.

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